Saturday, August 23, 2008

Malice in the Afternoon

Nicole walks into the DiMansion to see Evil Crazy EJ and his Samantha doll seated at an ornately decorated table in the sitting room. Evil Crazy EJ is dressed in a white suit with yellow tie, and Samantha is wearing a beautiful white and yellow sundress.

Evil Crazy EJ (happily): “Hello, Nicole! Samantha is very pleased that you decided to be nice and come to our summer tea party!”

Samantha: "..."

Nicole looks at Evil Crazy EJ and his Samantha doll in utter confusion.

Nicole (baffled): “Pleased to be here…I guess. Uh, what the hell is going on, EJ?”

Evil Crazy EJ (pleasantly): “Samantha would prefer if you would not use bad words in her presence, Nicole. What do you mean?”

Nicole (warily): “Well, I hate to say this but, um, it looks like you’re having tea with a Barbie doll. I saw you talking to her as I walked in.”

Evil Crazy EJ (incredulously): “What did you just say?”

Nicole (unnerved): “I said...uh...I mean, you do know that’s a doll, right? It’s not really Sami. She’s not real.”

Evil Crazy EJ looks at his Samantha doll and back at Nicole.

Evil Crazy EJ (quietly): “Not real, eh?”

Nicole watches as Evil Crazy EJ picks up his Samantha doll and speaks to her.

Evil Crazy EJ (whispering and stroking Samantha’s hair): “I'm sorry I have to do this in front of you, sweetheart. You close your eyes, okay?”

Samantha: "..."

Evil Crazy EJ sets his Samantha doll down and turns back towards Nicole, smiling as he does so.

Evil Crazy EJ (sinisterly): "Say it again."

Nicole (annoyed): “Fine. Your supposed Sami here is actually a-"

Nicole screams as Evil Crazy EJ throws hot tea into her face. Uncontrolled rage pours out of him as he jumps onto her flailing body and begins beating her with a saucer.

Evil Crazy EJ (beyond reason): “I’ll show you what’s made out of plastic. When I’m done you’re going to end up 70% silicone. And Samantha is never going to invite you to our parties again!”

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