Monday, December 1, 2008

Thank You for Caring!

You know, it always amazes me that people actually read this thing. Thank you very much for all your support over on the other side of the blog in the chat box. I appreciate the encouragement.

Anyway, no, I haven't given up. I'm not happy about the enforced Ejami break here, but I am willing to wait it out until March sweeps or whenever the show pulls its head out of its ass. Accordingly, I haven't watched anything on the show lately. So while I've added some new writing, I will have to catch up before I can review anything. I'll try to cobble something together out of the Stefano and EJ scenes if nothing else.

Thanks again!

The Inevitable Fallout

In one of the DiMansion’s many living rooms, Hero EJ comforts Robo EJ who is completely distraught over the loss of his child.

Robo EJ (heartbroken): “NO, ROBO BABY! NO! OH NO!”

Hero EJ (patting his shoulder): “I’m so sorry, Robo EJ.”

Robo EJ (throwing up his hands): “WHY THIS HAPPEN?!”

Hero EJ (sadly): “I don’t know for certain, but I can only assume the excess liquor ate away at Robo Baby’s developing exoskeleton.”

Robo EJ (disbelieving): “ROBO BABY INNOCENT!”

Hero EJ (trying to soften the blow): “Alas, most didn’t see it that way. Both the writing and the audience saw Robo Baby as the tie between us and Nicole…so that connection had to be severed.”

Robo EJ (lip quivering): “IT ALL ROBO EJ FAULT!”

Hero EJ (firmly): “If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s Nicole’s for drinking so much, refusing to see a doctor, and pretending that everything was okay.”

Robo EJ (berating himself): “ROBO EJ CHOOSE POORLY! NICOLE BAD MOMMY!”

Hero EJ (unable to disagree with that point): “Yes, unfortunately, she was. I’m certain that ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting’ doesn’t recommend to sit down when you’re bleeding and call your ex-boyfriend instead of 911.”

Sinister Voice (savoring it): “Indeed. What proof would you say her amniotic fluid was? 80? No, probably more like 120.”

Hero EJ and Robo EJ look to see Evil EJ stride slowly into the room.

Hero EJ (accusing): “You knew. That’s why you didn’t do anything to Robo EJ after Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha brought him to you. You knew the show would punish him for you. You knew this would happen.”

Evil EJ (rolling his eyes): “I’m sure that the Mars landers knew this was going to happen. Can’t have an Ejole baby with Ejami rooting couple now, can we?”

Hero EJ (disgusted): “And like the snake you are, you’re here to pour salt on the wound.”

Evil EJ smirks at Hero EJ.

Evil EJ (challenging): “Now, now. Such a small mind. Having been invigorated from a lovely tryst with my fair Samantha just now, I’m thinking more like lighter fluid.”

Hero EJ (getting up): “Not this time. I’m not going to let you.”

Evil EJ (amused): “As if I need your permission.”

Not in the mood for Evil EJ’s lack of decorum, Hero EJ grabs Evil EJ and slams him against the nearest wall. He then considers Evil EJ carefully when his opponent makes no move to retaliate.

Evil EJ (calmly): “Careful, avatar. Don’t want to break your manicure.”

Evil EJ (to Robo EJ): “You may be an overgrown toaster, but I was rather impressed with your initiative in going behind both of our backs and altering your programming yourself. Perhaps if you had asked for our assistance and took advantage of our expertise you would have gotten the ending you desired, eh?”

Robo EJ bursts into tears and sobs uncontrollably at the thought that he did not do everything he could to protect his child. Irate, Hero EJ glares at Evil EJ.

Hero EJ (furiously pointing): “That’s it. Your glib attitude is beyond inappropriate at a time like this.”

Evil EJ (continuing): “I had no idea you wanted to be a father so badly.”

Robo EJ (inconsolable): “NOW NEVER WILL!”

Evil EJ (tilting his head): “Oh, I wouldn’t say that.”

About to smack Evil EJ’s head against the wall, Hero EJ stops for a second as Evil EJ doesn’t flinch and only stares serenely back at him.

Calm Voice (nicely): “Someone would like to meet you, Robo EJ.”

Gray EJ walks into the room holding a newborn baby wearing a metal hat and wrapped in a metallic blanket.

Robo EJ (in shock): “WHA?!!”

Evil EJ (smugly): “Congratulations, Robo EJ. It’s a boy. You’re a father.”

Robo Baby: “BALAH1010101!”

Robo EJ (overjoyed): “ERNIE!!!”

Happy to see his daddy for the first time, Baby Ernie giggles.

Gray EJ (handing him over to Robo EJ): “Careful. The steel is still hardening in places.”

Robo EJ (now crying happy tears): “YOU OKAY! YOU OKAY!!!”

As Robo EJ takes Baby Ernie into his arms, Gray EJ smiles, and Hero EJ unhands Evil EJ and stares at him incredulously.

Hero EJ (jaw dropping): “What in the hell is wrong with you?!!”

Evil EJ (lighting up): “What isn’t?”

Hero EJ (flabbergasted): “You depraved worm! You made Robo EJ a zombie baby?!!”

Evil EJ (genuinely insulted): “I wouldn’t give that walking corpse the time of day much less his own decaying offspring. Robo Baby never died-he was cryogenically frozen the very instant it was possible to do so. What else do I pay my minions for? Young Ernie is one hundred percent the child Nicole was carrying.”

Gray EJ stares at Evil EJ.

Evil EJ (admitting as he crosses his arms): “All right, more like 47.6%, but between the incomplete human-cyborg fusion and the alcohol damage we had quite a few gaps to fill.”

Hero EJ (wondering): “How did you manage this without me?”

Evil EJ (gesturing): “Oh, someone thinks he’s important. Gray EJ here more than made up for your insignificant contribution to my work. What he lacks in probability alteration he more than makes up for in moral ambiguity.”

Hero EJ (forcefully): “And between the two of you there was no one there to point out the problem with trying to play God.”

Evil EJ (darkly): “Who’s trying? I don’t try anything. I just do it.”

Gray EJ (stepping between them): “Okay, calm down, you two. There’s a baby in the room. The bottom line is that this story should have never been greenlit in the first place.”

Evil EJ (seriously): “Precisely. Women watch soaps for escapist fantasy, and a miscarriage is a tragedy. It’s an experience that none of them wish to relive, so highlighting one on this show is exceedingly cruel.”

Hero EJ (warily): “All true, but that doesn’t give you the right to do anything to Robo Baby.”

Evil EJ (unconcerned): “Why not? We compensated for the blood loss, removed all the alcohol damage, appropriately SORASed him, and conducted beta testing with Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha playing with him in a supervised environment. We even removed all of Nicole’s worthless genes and substituted a cyborg-phillic variant of Samantha’s DNA instead, with her freely given consent of course.”

Hero EJ (surprised at Evil EJ’s foresight): “Really?”

Evil EJ (secure in his brilliance): “Ask her yourself when you go back to stand vigil on her and her idiot handler.”

Unsure, Hero EJ looks at Gray EJ for confirmation.

Gray EJ (nodding): “He’s telling the truth. I wouldn’t have agreed to help otherwise.”

Still not convinced, Hero EJ watches Robo EJ hold Baby Ernie.

Evil EJ (silver tongue): “See how happy he is? How can you deny him that over some middling concerns about opening a forbidden path to a brave new world?”

Gray EJ (agreeing from a different perspective): “I understand your concern, Hero EJ, but Robo EJ and Ernie shouldn’t have to pay for TPTB’s mistakes.”

Silent for several moments, Hero EJ’s opposition to the idea melts underneath the warmth from shared smiles between father and son.

Hero EJ (understanding): “You’re right. They didn’t do anything wrong.”

Evil EJ (scoffing): “Of course they didn’t. You and your ethics. Get off your high horse. This show had Jack donate his organs and still come back from the dead three times. What’s saving a cyborg baby from a plot point miscarriage?”

Hero EJ (suddenly considering): “This is probably much too late to bring this up, but wasn’t the Ejole baby a girl?”

Evil EJ and Gray EJ look at each other. After a moment, Gray EJ shrugs.

Gray EJ (sheepishly): “Beats me. I tried to ask Zombie Dallas EJ about the baby several times, but all I got was him drooling over Nicole and mumbling about not finding any brains to eat.”

Evil EJ (shaking his head): “Due to his less than optimal fetal environment, we had to manually resequence all of Ernie’s DNA, and what remained was male. Regardless, there is no way I would let a member of our family be named after the maid from The Jetsons.”

Suddenly Good EJ and Evil Crazy EJ enter the room. Good EJ is loaded down with a cake, various beverages, and balloons. Evil Crazy EJ is carrying his Samantha doll and a small plastic bag. Both are dressed in party attire with Evil Crazy EJ in a crisp sky blue button down shirt and khakis and Samantha in a cheery pink ruffled dress.

Hero EJ (wondering): “What’s this?”

Evil Crazy EJ (brightly): “Hello, Hero EJ! It is the Robo EJ is a daddy, and Baby Ernie is alive party! We are very happy that Evil EJ and Gray EJ made everything turn out okay!”

Setting everything down on the nearby coffee table, Good EJ looks at Evil Crazy EJ. Evil Crazy EJ glares at him threateningly and points to his Samantha doll.

Good EJ (rehearsed): “I am very happy that Baby Ernie is okay and has been returned to Robo EJ. Let me go get the rest of the party materials.”

Samantha: “…”

Evil Crazy EJ (agreeing with his wife): “Yes, Good EJ knows to stay on his best behavior now that we have very nicely let him out of his cage for the party, or he will suffer the consequences.”

While Robo EJ quietly continues to bond with Baby Ernie, Evil Crazy EJ opens his plastic bag and removes its contents.

Evil Crazy EJ (handing them out): “Samantha made party hats for everyone! Baby Ernie too!”

Hero EJ (happily putting on his hat): “Wow, these are great! Thank you, Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha. You outdid yourselves.”

Evil EJ (smiling in spite of himself): “I think so too.”

Evil Crazy EJ (proud of his wife): “I third the opinion!”

Samantha: “…”

Evil Crazy EJ (kissing her on the cheek): “Yes, you are better than Martha Stewart!”

Unimpressed, Gray EJ refuses to put on his gray party hat and snickers as Evil EJ nonchalantly dons his black one.

Gray EJ (smiling at the sight): “You look ridiculous.”

Evil EJ merely watches as Evil Crazy EJ moves quickly and punches Gray EJ in the face.

Evil Crazy EJ (adamant): “Samantha spent hours on these in order to make them the best party hats in the history of existence, and she thinks Evil EJ looks very nice. And she says Gray EJ will put on his party hat if he would like to keep his spleen because she will not let him ruin Robo EJ and Baby Ernie’s party!”

Gray EJ (hastily putting on his hat): “Oo-o-okay…”

Reeling from the blow, Gray EJ tries to hold his head back. Amused, Evil EJ offers him his handkerchief.

Evil EJ (savoring the moment): “Do I?”

As Hero EJ, Evil Crazy EJ, and Samantha set out the beverages and decorations, Evil EJ helps himself to a piece of cake and stands where Gray EJ can still see him as he attempts to stop his nosebleed. Evil EJ taunts Gray EJ by eating his cake as slowly as possible, including licking the frosting off his fork.

Evil EJ (devilishly): “Delightful.”

Seething, Gray EJ glares at him.

Evil EJ (discarding his empty plate on the floor and surveying the available drinks): “Quite the assortment of carbonated beverages, eh? Shall we have a toast?”

Hero EJ (concerned): “Shouldn’t we wait for Good EJ to get back?”

Evil Crazy EJ (disagreeing): “There are lots of presents! It will take too long to wait for Pansy EJ to come back with all of them!”

Evil EJ (concurring): “As if we need to include Princess anyway.”

Robo EJ, Hero EJ, and Evil Crazy EJ all take a can off the table. Finally stopping the bleeding, Gray EJ faces forward again and puts the bloody handkerchief into his jean pocket as Evil EJ places a drink into his hand.

Evil EJ (commanding): “Gentlemen.”

Evil EJ raises his own soft drink and the rest of the EJs follow suit.

Evil EJ (gravely): “To gravitas.”

Robo EJ and Evil Crazy EJ repeat the phrase and open their beverages while Hero EJ and Gray EJ openly stare at a grinning Evil EJ.

Hero EJ (blankly): “You didn’t.”

Evil EJ (smirking): “I most certainly did.”

Gray EJ (uncomprehendingly): “But he’s our-”

Evil EJ (interrupting): “He is. I only kid because I love.”

Misinterpreting the edge in his voice, Hero EJ and Gray EJ continue to look at Evil EJ.

Evil Crazy EJ (missing the point as he romantically shares his drink with his wife): “Samantha enjoyed the toast very much, Evil EJ, but she would like to know what that means.”

Evil EJ (dryly): “Apparently it means equating our sacred relationship with our soulmate with that of an opportunistic tart. Who knew? I really must buy an updated thesaurus one of these days.”

His intuition alerting him, Hero EJ takes a look at the clock at the wall.

Hero EJ (reluctantly taking off his hat): “Well, I’d love to stay, but I really need to get going.”


Evil Crazy EJ (waving): “Goodbye, Hero EJ! We will save you some cake if Samantha is not very hungry later!”

Gray EJ (clasping Hero EJ’s shoulder): “Have fun, Hero EJ. Try not to get too bored watching Safe and checking in with the minions shadowing Ali.”

Evil EJ (adding): “The instant the plot allows me to move my daughter here, I will. In any case, make sure not to say hello to the Ninja Turtle for us.”

Hero EJ (correcting): “His name is Rafe.”

Evil EJ (ignoring him): “Yes, he favors red bandanas in addition to being a sai master and quite the cutup, I’ve heard.”

Hero EJ regards Evil EJ.

Hero EJ (letting it go): “You know, Evil EJ, you’re still a vile excuse for a human being.”

Evil EJ (raising an eyebrow): “Flattery will get you nowhere, valkyrie.”

Hero EJ (continuing): “But you really do have a heart. A black one akin to a bullet hole, but a heart nonetheless.”

Hero EJ (curious): “What gave you this idea?”

Evil EJ (honestly): “I wisely listened to my better half.”

Hero EJ glances at Robo EJ beaming as he holds his son.

Hero EJ (warmly): “I’m glad you did.”

Hero EJ leaves the room to guard Samantha and her unborn child while Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha move over to Robo EJ and Baby Ernie.

Evil Crazy EJ (holding his wife up so she can see): “Samantha wants to say hi to Baby Ernie! She loves babies and wishes there was more of them on the show. She does not know why Steve and Kayla could not have both Baby Joe and Pocketman!”

Turning away from them, Gray EJ shakes his head at Evil EJ.

Gray EJ (sighing): “I can’t believe you joked about that.”

Evil EJ (sanguine): “Yet he can say we have no male anatomy? Cheer up, buttercup. Loyalty does not mean lockstep opinion.”

Evil EJ (sincerely): “Of course I appreciate beyond words everything he’s ever done for us. And I wish him the best of luck with the upcoming astoundingly boring spoilers for the next month on the show. But that doesn’t mean everything he said is correct. Particularly about me not killing people.”

Gray EJ (not sold): “I suppose.”

Evil EJ (certain): “I know. Now go take a piece of cake before Evil Crazy EJ comes over and asks if Samantha can have the frosting.”

Gray EJ (folding his arms across his chest): “Speaking of differing opinions, this wasn’t your idea, was it?”

Evil EJ (innocently): “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Gray EJ (thinking): “Once you found out Robo EJ disobeyed you and Hero EJ, you were hellbent on taking a blowtorch to him and melting him into slag. You don’t have a better half-your better half is Samantha. She’s the one who insisted on this.”

Evil EJ (not disagreeing): “Hormones. The oxycotin build up in pregnancy makes one seize on ideas that otherwise would have been dismissed.”

Gray EJ (finishing the puzzle): “And you want me to keep my mouth shut so you have leverage over Hero EJ.”

Evil EJ looks at Gray EJ before one side of his mouth curls into a smirk, and he puts his arm around his frequent companion.

Evil EJ (idly threatening): “You really are too smart for your own good. Fortunately for you, you answer to me.”

Gray EJ (deadpan): “You certainly know how to make me feel wanted.”

Evil EJ (grinning): “What are friends for?”

Because I Can’t Give You a New "EJ is Funny" Montage This Year

Woman’s Voice (disembodied): “Welcome to an Ejami Christmas Carol.”

And the worst of the worst
The most hated and cursed
Is the one that we call Elvis

Sinister Voice (very familiar): “I most certainly hope so.”

Outfitted in all black except for a blindingly white scarf to add a bit of panache, Elvis DiMera, otherwise known as Evil EJ, flairs his cape dramatically as he comes to a stop at a corner after walking down one of Salem’s snowcovered streets.

Carpe (narrating): “Marley was dead, to begin with.”

Evil EJ (snidely): “Ah, yes, Dickens’ annual classic. Because why insult just one property when you can rip off two?”

Carpe (ignoring him): “And thus Evil EJ was the sole proprietor of their once shared enterprise. He was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, Evil EJ! A squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous, young sinner.”

Evil EJ (interrupting): “The reason she started this before December is because it’s going to be at least Valentine’s Day by the time she finishes the damn thing.”

Carpe (still ignoring): “Evil EJ liked the-”

Evil EJ (pressing the point): “Say, how is Damaged coming along?”

Carpe (defensive): “I’ll get to it! I’m busy!”

Evil EJ (mockingly): “‘Do I have him whine about his upbringing or cry this chapter? I just can’t decide.’”

Carpe (too loudly): “Evil EJ liked the cold. Hard and sharp as flint, from which no steel had ever struck out generous fire; secret and self-contained, and solitary as an oyster.”

Evil EJ (correcting): “Except for his Samantha.”

Carpe (agreeing): “But of course. And today, as he did every day, he confidently strode to his place of business.”

Evil EJ (folding his arms across his chest): “Yes, what exactly is it that I do here in pseudo-1843 Salem?”

Carpe (getting annoyed): “Turn around.”

Evil EJ spins around to see his business before him, Ye Olde Mythic Communications.

Evil EJ (rolling his eyes): “Not funny.”

Evil EJ enters the large building and sees all of his employees already hard at work around the open style office.

Evil EJ (smiling): “Good Morning, maggots.”

Seeing that their boss has arrived, his employees hide and cower in fear.

Evil EJ (smiling): “What, no warm welcome? Remind me to torture you for that after the fiscal year ends.”

Lucas Horton, Evil EJ’s administrative assistant, comes over and hands him several files and papers.

Evil EJ (idly): “Yes, lapdog?”

Lucas (pointing out information): “Here’s the current quarter’s projections, the emails you need to respond to, and a new press release from one of our competitors. I’ve also highlighted the most important parts of the memos you need to approve.”

Evil EJ (raising an eyebrow): “How surprisingly competent of you. Keep this up, and perhaps I might give you the occasional lunch break.”

A man enters the building as Lucas goes back to his desk.

Brady (cheerful): “A merry Christmas, cousin! God save you!”

Evil EJ (smiling): “Don’t remind me. Bah! Humbug!”

Brady (still cheerful): “Christmas a humbug, cousin? You don't mean that, I am sure.”

Evil EJ (snidely): “Quit calling me that, idiot. Merry Christmas? What right have you to be merry? What reason have you to be merry? You're stupid enough.”

Brady (nicely): “What right have you to be dismal? What reason have you to be morose? You're smart enough.”

Evil EJ (intensely): “Who said I was depressed, you insolent junkie?”

Brady (ignoring the insult): “I’ve come to invite you to Christmas dinner.”

Evil EJ (wondering): “What Christmas dinner?”

Brady (shrugging): “Whatever one TPTB have me at.”

Evil EJ (factual): “You don’t really want me there.”

Brady (ignoring the insult): “Well, no, but since my father won’t be around on the show much longer, I figured I’d cut my losses.”

Evil EJ (considering): “Admirable. But pointless.”

Brady (kindly): “"I want nothing from you. I ask nothing of you. Why cannot we be friends?"

Evil EJ (stating the obvious): “You’re a moronic drug addict.”

Brady (waving as he gives up for now): “Perhaps, but the invitation is still open. So Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!”

Evil EJ (vehemently): “Bah! Humbug!”

As Brady leaves, another figure enters the building.


Evil EJ (annoyed): “You do.”


Evil EJ cringes at Robo EJ’s bad acting.

Evil EJ (reciting his line anyway): “Are there no prisons?”


Evil EJ (sighing): “And the Union workhouses? Are they still in operation?"

Robo EJ (still not following): “NO, ROBO EJ WANT CHRISTMAS DONATION!”

Evil EJ (closing his eyes for a moment): “The Treadmill and the Poor Law are in full vigor, then?”


Evil EJ (opening his eyes): “Oh, I was afraid, from what you said at first, that something had occurred to stop them in their useful course. I am very glad to hear it.”


Evil EJ (savoring the line): “Nothing!”


Evil EJ (getting angry): “I wish to be left alone, you moronic bucket of bolts. I don't make merry myself at Christmas, and I can't afford to make idle people merry. I help to support the establishments I have mentioned-they cost enough; and those who are badly off must go there."


Evil EJ (with relish): “If they would rather die, they had better do it and decrease the surplus population.”

Evil EJ takes out his gun and fingers the safety longingly.

Evil EJ (eyes lighting up): “Or I’ll do it myself.”

At the sight of Evil EJ’s firearm, Robo EJ backs away.


Robo EJ leaves the building as Evil EJ reholsters his gun and Lucas comes over to him.

Lucas (annoyed): “You’re a real jerk, you know that?”

Evil EJ (tilting his head): “What a startling observation, Lucas. Do you have any other wonderful insights you’d like to share with me?”

Lucas (questioning): “No, but I was wondering if I could take tomorrow off.”

Evil EJ (instantly): “Of course not, you pathetic twit.”

Lucas (pleading): “But tomorrow is Christmas Day.”

Evil EJ (tilting his head): “Your point?”

Lucas (pleading): “Well, Chloe’s at her parents’ for the week, and Will flew in from Switzerland, so Sami and I were going to have a traditional Horton Christmas with him and Ali and Johnny.”

Evil EJ glares at Lucas.

Evil EJ (seething): “All the more reason for you to work.”

Lucas (volcanic as he goes back to his desk): “I’ll shoot you again for this, you evil DiMera.”

Evil EJ (challenging): “I’d like to see you try.”

Evil EJ (louder to the rest of his employees): “And that goes for all of you.”

There is an angry shout from the back corner of the main room.

Nick (not taking it anymore): “I’m not putting up with your crap, old man! You either give me Christmas off, or I’ll ice you the way I did Trent and Willow!”

Evil EJ merely looks at Nick.

Evil EJ (easily): “Okay.”

Nick (surprised): “Okay?”

Evil EJ (sweetly): “Yes, you’ve utterly convinced me of the error of my ways with that intimidating threat. You’re free to take the day off. Heck, why don’t you get an early start and leave now?”

Nick (getting up): “Damn right I will.”

Triumphant, Nick gathers his messenger bag and heads towards the door. Once he reaches it, the corner of Evil EJ’s mouth turns up.

There is a horrific scream as Nick falls down the hidden trap door that is wirelessly activated from Evil EJ’s hidden Blackberry.

Evil EJ (casually): “Anyone else object to working on Christmas? Anyone? Bueller?”

Only silence answers him.

Evil EJ (casually): “Excellent. Now get back to work, or I’ll strangle all of you.”

Content with his handling of his employees, Evil EJ travels to his office, sits down at his desk, lies back in his chair, and opens up his copy of The Wall Street Journal in order to get caught up on the business world before answering his email.

Carpe (narrating): “Evil EJ resumed his labors with an improved opinion of himself, and in a more facetious temper than was usual with him. And the hours of the day passed until the next chapter.”

Evil EJ (sneering): “Or as our indolent author will end up calling it, ‘Christmas in July.’”

Carpe (ticked off): “Keep it up, and you’ll be doing the next part in a chicken suit.”

It's The Fear

Sitting on the DiMansion sofa, Nicole eyes EJ warily.

Nicole (nervous): " hear...I hear...uh..."

EJ (annoyed): "Um, what, darling? Spit it out."

Nicole forces a smile.

Nicole (disbelieving): "Well, I overheard some people talking today, and they said that you raped Sami. That you forced yourself on's not true, is it? I mean, you wouldn't do that, of course you wouldn''re a good man..."

EJ looks at Nicole.

EJ (quietly): "Rape is such a loaded word."

The color drains out of Nicole's face as realizes exactly what EJ means, the vision of Victor's rape of her suddenly tearing into her thoughts. Unwilling to be in a position where she could be violated again, Nicole jumps up, tosses away her baby pillow, and runs out of the DiMansion.

It's Funny...Because It's Not

Evil EJ walks into the DiMera sitting room to see Nicole standing there.

Nicole (wearing the pillow): "Hey, EJ."

Evil EJ stares at her incredulously for a moment before he can't help himself and collapses onto the floor in a fit of laughter. Alarmed, Nicole runs over.

Nicole (helping him up): "EJ, EJ...are you okay?"

Evil EJ (nicely): "Oh, I'm fine..."

With one swift motion Evil EJ lifts Nicole up by the neck with one hand while removing her pillow with the other.

Evil EJ (ice cold): "But our daughter isn't, is she?"

"EJ Is Hot" Is Fixed...Sort Of

Rob Zombie objected to me using his "Foxy, Foxy" to this montage, so while I was able to get it back up on YouTube, I'm stuck using this song about fishing from this dude who is mumbling the whole damn time. At least the beat is good.

James Scott on Hulu!

Watch James give us the inside scoop on what's coming up on the show.