Sunday, July 27, 2008

Friday, July 25th, 2008

“Okay, not so fast. Did you have a pillow fight?” Red alert! Actual joke sighted and delivered!

“Well, don't mind me. I have plenty of work to do.” Oh, I mind, EJ. You’re the only reason I’m watching this drivel.

“ my experience, I think it's rather important to be true to yourself. Take it from somebody who learned the hard way. It doesn't pay to pretend to be somebody you're not.” Exactly, Evil EJ. The Summer EJ act didn’t get you your Samantha, did it? She still ran out on you. So it’s time to drop the nice mask, and show your true evil face.
“It's not that easy, Elvis John.” Don’t patronize Evil EJ, Jawn.
“Uh, what's not that easy?” I’d like to know too.
“Jumping ships from the Bradys to the DiMeras. You still need to prove your loyalty.” Jawn, Evil EJ is more DiMera than you’ll ever be.
“We already had that conversation, remember-the part about me being ready, willing, able” and “It's because I am sure. I'd like my life back. Thank you. And if working...for you is gonna help me get it, then that's what I'm gonna do.” Given the hesitation before admitting that he’s working for Jawn and how Evil EJ seems annoyed with Jawn, I do think now that he’s angling to take back the DiEmpire here. Sounds fantastic to me. Let the coup begin!

“Judge Karen Fitzpatrick, sir. Apparently we had nothing better to do with this screentime.”

“Who the hell wrote this?” That’s what I want to know, Kate!

“Well, that went rather well, don't you think?” and “Aren't you?” EJ’s emotional needs continue. Sami, you really need to get in gear and reassure your man here.

Evil EJ was remarkably patient with Morgan here. And the slow-mo shooting was laughably bad, but I appreciate Evil EJ only looking after himself as Sami and the twins weren’t around. Had he attempted to save anyone I would have been annoyed.

Grade: B. More filler, but Evil EJ looked very handsome in his black suit and purple tie. And he made an actual joke! Alert the news media!

Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008

“Ava, I just came back from meeting with the assistant D.A. I wouldn't necessarily be making any long-term plans now if I were you.” Someone’s read the spoilers!

“So, when you take all the facts into account, I must agree with Christian here. After all, as sad as it is that his sister is having financial problems, she shouldn’t expect a $200k handout from him, much less get their mother to insult his wife when he refuses. And wanting to teach him a lesson? What a-oh, wait, are we supposed to be talking about your case?”

“I don't know of a lawyer in this country that could convince a jury to acquit you.” Try looking in the mirror.
“Two pilots are dead. These men were married. They both had children.” +2 points for remembering, Days.
“However, one of-I forget his name-one of your cousins, whoever it was you had sabotage the plane...” But oh, that’s a -1 penalty.
“Now, if we have a lot of different players in this game, we have an opportunity, I think, to be able to take them and begin to play them off against each other. It's not gonna work for very long, but we can buy some time.” Just like this show and its devout fanbases!

“Look, we both know some good people and some powerful people. We also know that this is a really poor way to insinuate that we have nefarious connections, but good dialogue is hard to find around here at the moment.”

Grade: B. Filler. Entertaining filler to be sure, as I do love me some EJ even if he’s dressed like the “Happy Hour” extras on the FOX Business Channel, but still filler. Remove this, and you lose nothing.

More Ejami Clips on Hulu

Here's the July 14th food fight where Sami accidentally throws pie in EJ's face.

And it's July 15th where EJ and Sami discuss Johnny.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Monday, July 21st, 2008

“Mom, Lucas is being sent to maximum security prison today.” Happy days are here again!
“'Maximum security'? That doesn't make any sense at all.” Well, let’s see, he only tried to kill EJ, badly cover it up, and then break his house arrest three times.
“I know. Mom, do you realize how many dangerous people are in that prison, that anything could happen to him? I mean, he could really be hurt.” Let’s hope so! Come on, convicted felons!
“You don't need to stay here now that this whole immigration thing has been sorted out.” I’m thinking no one told Marlena here that EJ set up that whole ordeal.
“EJ got the judge to sign a court order forbidding from taking Johnny out of the house.” He’s a smart, smart man.
“He's a DiMera, remember?” Personally, I never forget.
“Why would he do such a thing?” Yes, it’s so strange for EJ to want to be with the woman he loves and his children.
“Because he has this demented idea that the three of us need to be a family together, even though that is never going to happen.” You know, Sami, calling Evil EJ demented is just complementing him.

“I don't want her living there, not the least of which she is on trial for murdering my grandfather.” I was wondering if anyone was going to remember that. Don’t forget about the two pilots; their imaginary families deserve justice too.
“If she goes to jail, you still get your money, and you'll have a fallback place to live if you ever get out from underneath my nephew's thumb.” Signs point to no. EJ’s never going to let Sami go.

We didn’t have to see the inside of Sami’s fugly apartment, and she’s back to being the Brady/Horton reject again? Excellent. Thank you, limited set budget and inconsistent writing!

“This look is 90s-not the style, I mean the actual makeup products are that old.”

“I'm the reason Lucas broke house arrest?” No, you aren’t.
“Yeah, Sami. If you hadn't pitted Lucas and EJ against each other, Lucas probably never would have broken house arrest.” That’s not what happened at all! Sami has been kissing up to Lucas the second he came back.
“Lucas knows that I love him.”
“Do you?” Say wha? I assume Chloe means “Do you really love him?” but this still was awkward.
“I'm not gonna deny that Lucas came to the Salem Inn to see me and that we had sex.” Someone is way too proud of this.
“The reason he came to see me is because he needed someone to talk to because you hurt him, Sami. Lucas needed me, and I was there for him. Where were you?” Not in a plot directed stuck elevator, that’s where. Sheesh, this whole thing is so stupid.

Grade: Sami B, rest C. Sure, nothing of importance happened today, but we’re seeing Sami slowly reclaiming her true personality, and anything that points out my beloved Evil EJ’s depraved and controlling tendencies can’t be all bad.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

A New Beginning

It's May 31st, 2006, and Sami has come over to EJ's apartment.

Sami (flustered): "Um...what am I-oh, uh, the wrench. My wrench. I live there, and you borrowed my wrench. "

EJ (nicely): "Hi, I'm EJ-"

EJ is interrupted as Sami throws herself at him and kisses him passionately.

Sami (breathlessly): "Tell me later."

EJ closes the apartment door and locks it as Ejami continues getting to know each other.

Friday, July 18th, 2008

And all the girlies say
I’m pretty fly for a white guy

“You don’t trust me.” Trust you, Evil EJ? I may hate Jawn here, but that’s a really smart decision on his part not to do so, collaboration or no collaboration.

“Days actually remembered where I went to law school correctly this time? You’re kidding.”

Oh, EJ is so British!

“That poor man…to think what he’s gone through.”
“Yeah…tragic.” Oh, now that’s Evil EJ. I could listen to him say this all day.

I quite liked this filler with Judge Karen if for no other reason than watching Evil EJ work. He’s so charming yet manipulative.

Canary yellow is so not Sami’s color.

“How did you know that?”
“Closed circuit television.”
“That’s a little unnerving.” A little? Oh, Days, you did not need to go here. Now Jawn’s a perv. Ew!

It’s the couple that never ends
It just goes on and on, my friend
Days put them together not knowing what it was
And they are stuck with them like this forever just because
It’s the couple that never ends

“Still don’t trust me, eh?” Ask again. I don’t think he heard you the first four times.
“But one good deed does not erase the fact that you shot me and relieved me of one of my kidneys.” Oh, come on. You only need one kidney. It’s like he removed a spare.

“I did that for my father. Didn’t have a choice. You would have done it.” Again, his conditioning runs deep.
“If anything I’d like to think it would show you just how far I’d go to protect my family.” No lines you would not cross. I love it.
“And if I find that you can be as loyal to me as you were to Stefano, perhaps we can do business.” Well, we’ll see. It depends on whether or not Evil EJ is playing you here. I certainly hope he is. The DiEmpire belongs to him.

“So my evil level is about here right now. I’m trying to get it up higher, but this atrocious writing keeps getting in the way.”

What can I say, I’m not a Jawn fan. But I did like this convo because Jawn’s right. EJ did what was best for EJ, which was keeping his family, EJ, Sami, Johnny, and Ali, together by any means necessary.

“Hey, Samantha, what happened?” EJ asks, and Sami answers when both of them are supposed to be avoiding each other. They want to spend time together and look for any excuse to do so.

“You’re a mess. Look at you. You’re a mess, Samantha.” I’ll tell you what’s a mess, this cringeworthy dialogue. Evil EJ doesn’t talk like this! He’s much much wittier!

“You’re the one I’ll never forgive.” Ah, but Sami, if you didn’t care, why would you be hurt?
“What you’re doing is cruel.” Yeah, forcing Sami to live in a mansion instead of her awful dark and dingy apartment is a crime against humanity.
“Maybe. But it is necessary.” Exactly, Evil EJ. You have to force Sami to wake up.

Days, I’ll give you $20 bucks you can use for a new set if you replace that chess set with the following

“So what do you think, nephew? Are the parallels between Jarlena and Ejami blatant enough that the stupid audience gets the whole generational passing of the baton here?”
“Well, admittedly they are cretins, especially that Carpe character, so let’s make it a bit more obvious, shall we?”

“Ah. There. That’s better.”

Grade: Evil EJ B+, Ejami B, rest D. Show, you’re going too slowly. We all know where you’re headed, now go there! And fix the damn dialogue! We’re getting Kinda Evil EJ when we should be getting Full Effect Evil EJ because you’re making him talk like a moron. Go back and watch March and April 2007. He’s much smarter and more inventive than this crap.

Thursday, July 17th, 2008

Calling Trent Brent? Seriously, Evil EJ? That’s the best you can do? Between that and the crappy river reference, you’re rusty.

My least favorite EJ pairing and my least favorite set, show? It’s anti-entertainment!

“I don't like him, Nicole. I don't like the way he treats you.” I agree. Trent needs to stop coddling Nikki here and start getting violent.

“I find women fascinating, nephew. Do you find them troublesome?”
“Yes, I find them troublesome.” Ah, but you love your Trouble, don’t you?

“Hey, Doc, let’s repeat that dumb ‘Sami is losing both Lucas and EJ’ convo, okay?”

“Well, you know, maybe you should stop dressing like an attorney all the time. You ever hear of jeans and a t-shirt? Boots maybe. You know, girls-we dig it.” Yes, it’s not like he wore jeans just yesterday or anything.
“Thanks, Ava. I'll take that under consideration.” That means no.
“You know, you are a decent-looking guy.” Decent?!! Try devastating.
“Just loosen up a little.” DiMeras are classy, Ava.
“She's right, you know.” No, she’s not.
“You need to change it up. It keeps it interesting.” He already does! How else would we have both Causal EJ and Suit EJ, not to mention Shirtless EJ and Robe Hospital Gown EJ?
“As it happens, I am planning on making a few changes in my life. But the wardrobe-it stays.” As it should, Evil EJ. After all, your moral alignment is lawful evil. Man, this was the dumbest, most out of place convo in a while on this show. Talking about the Fed possibly raising interest rates would have been more exciting.

“Well...let's just say I've been Mr. Nice Guy...and look where that landed me, hmm?” Only a DiMera would confuse pretending to be a good person with actually being a good person.
“Single parent, divorced.” And only this stupid show would mistake a divorce for an annulment. Why bother making sense? It’s not like anyone’s going to notice.
“It's got to stop. I mean, if I'm gonna be a good example for my son, you know?” Like Stefano was for you. EJ’s conditioning runs deep.
“I want him to grow up to be strong, I’ve got to make some changes in my life.” Evil gets things done!

“You know, I've always rather admired you, John.” What?!
“Despite all the Bradys' attempts to steer you back to your old ways, you held firm. You didn't capitulate. I commend you for that.” Oh. Yes, just say NO to the Brady/Horton oligarchy.
“Power, control, a little bit of respect, maybe.” Sexy. And I love how power is first.
“So, whatever business ventures you're involved in-shipping or otherwise-I'd like to be involved in them, too.” Goodbye, evil lawyering, hello evil DiEmpire!
“I prefer to work alone.” Too bad. He’s not asking.
“Okay. I'll let you give it some thought, eh?” See, Evil EJ doesn’t take no for an answer.
“For my consideration, though, what is it that you can bring to the table?” Pure awesomeness.
“Well, legal expertise, obviously. And I have an extremely detailed understanding of all of my father's business dealings.” And you’ve literally gotten away with everything under the sun, including murder. Quite the evil resume.
“Nothing I can't get elsewhere.” I beg to differ. Evil EJ’s work ethic is unparalleled.
“ are family.” Ah, Santeen.

Trent, buddy, you are really letting me down with your ineffective threatening. You need to start stalking your Nikki here, okay?

“And let's not forget I wasn't always Mr. Nice Guy.” Oh, you silly show, you. How could I ever forget.

Grade: Evil EJ B, everything else F. Days, I won’t ask you to make sense from one show to the next here because clearly that’s beyond your meager abilities. However, I do ask that you raise your game here for overtly Evil EJ’s characterization. He is near omnipotent, strikingly brilliant, utterly depraved, and spellbindingly hilarious. He also loves his Samantha to a degree beyond obsession. If you’re going to keep him around full time, you need to man up right quick. This ain’t cutting it.

Tuesday, July 15th, 2008

“No. I am protecting what is mine. If you try and take my son from this house, you try and break up my family, the law will intervene. I'll make sure of that.” Yup, EJ’s just doing what he has to do here to keep all four of you together.
“It was bound to happen, wasn't it? DiMera blood shining through and all that. You are the son your father could be proud of” and “Well, if by that you mean I'm trying to offer my son the best possible future, then I'm very proud to be emulating my father.” I wonder if Stefano would agree.

“You're a DiMera, which means you blackmailed the judge, bribed him, threatened him, all of the above to get him to sign that.” I’m thinking a nice steak dinner myself.
“Well, unfortunately for you, how I came to be in possession of this document really doesn't matter. What's important to you is that I have it, and that it is legally binding.” Oh, EJ loves the letter of the law, just not the spirit.
“You just can't take rejection, can you?” From you? Oh hells no.

“How quickly things change, EJ. You know, it was just a couple of days ago that you grabbed me and professed your undying love for me.” Yes, I must rewatch that!
“Oh, let's not go there, all right?” No, let’s!
“Why not? 'Cause it makes you feel like a hypocrite? Maybe a little bit fickle?” and “Fickle? Let's have a conversation about being fickle, shall we, Samantha? You're in bed with me one night, and then the-not even the next night, the same night, you throw yourself into Lucas' arms and you tell him you are desperate to get back with him.” Days, you better be trying to apologize for how inane this plot is-otherwise you’re just making the characters look bad by highlighting their dumb decisions.
“You're just not taking my son. He belongs with his father.” Just like you did with Stefano, huh?
“I just want a family, a real one. Not this...ridiculous fraud.” This is more real than everything you’ve ever had with Lucas, Sami, and you know it.
“What, so you can start your life with Lucas, right? How wonderfully idyllic.” and “I mean, it's fantasy. It's complete fantasy, Samantha. You're never going to be with Lucas.” Yup. It’s Ejami time!
“From where I'm sitting, you're in serious need of a reality check, sweetheart.” That’s been true for more than a year now, EJ.

“Your new attitude just doesn't add up, EJ.” And “Well, because you've spent months telling much you want to be with me. And now, all of a sudden, you're gonna let me walk out of your life? That just doesn't seem like you.” It isn’t. It’s a ploy.
“Just walk away, Samantha, all right? I really don't care, okay?” And EJ sells it well.
“The other option would be for you to be civil about this.” Where’s the fun in that?
“Yeah, well, considering the way you treated me, I'm being about as civil as I'm gonna be.” Our boy is really hurting right now.
“EJ, you think I don't know what you're doing? You think I can't see through this act you have going?” No, but you have doubt, Sami. And that’s all he needs you to have.
“Yeah. It's not an act, Samantha.” Yes, it is.
“Have you forgotten who you're dealing with?” He hasn’t, you have. Time to take off your Carrie mask, Sami. Go after him.
“EJ...I will do whatever I have to protect my children.” Good. Show him that woman.

“I know you love him very much.” True!
“I also know how much you hate me.” False!
“And that hatred, Samantha, is eventually going to become a bitterness and a resentment towards him.” And this is EJ implying that Sami needs to accept her love for him for Johnny’s sake. He’s insidious.

“I mean, you just want it to happen, so therefore, obviously, it's going to, you know? Yes, like me and Ejami. Through sheer will.
“You're in love with Lucas, so he's gonna spend the rest of his life with you. You'd like me to leave, so I'll just see myself out, shall I? And, of course, you want to spend the rest of your life with Johnny, so we'll make that happen. Yeah?”
“That's hardly what I'm saying.”
“Isn't it? Why don't you tell me exactly which one of those would you give up?” Option 1, EJ!

“With Nicole, without Nicole. I mean, does it really matter?” Yes! Without Nicole!
“She's a good person. She has a very warm heart. She's very nurturing, you know. She looks after that dog. If she looked after a child the same way...” That’s a pretty big if. And this is the second dumbest line in this episode. People are not same as pets, even if you were to keep someone, say Pansy EJ, in a cage.
“You and Nicole-the new power couple.” No, that’s Ejami.
“Look, I've only been with Nicole once.” Nah, that was Robo EJ.
“Luckily for me, that imagine is burned forever in my scarred psyche.” You should have skipped those episodes like I did, Sami.
“You know, actually, I did tell her that I had some feelings for her.” Yes, you need your daily constant reassurance, don’t you?
“Yes, well, we know how easily you come by those.” It’s his emotional impairment due to his brainwashing, Sami. He really can’t help it.
“She blew me off.” Thank goodness.
“Samantha, I may not end up with Nicole...but I will be with some woman, and that woman will be in Johnny’s life.” And that woman will be Sami.
“You really have a problem picturing me with somebody else, don't you?” Well, you are her soulmate.
“I have a problem picturing you making someone happy. I have a problem picturing you finding someone who will put up with you.” Other than you, you mean.
“I used to be happy, Samantha. Very...before I came to Salem. Before I met you. You know, I had friends. I had lovers. I went to parties.” And here’s the dumbest line in the episode! I would hope you had all that, EJ, as you were an internationally famous race car driver. And all that disappearing isn’t Sami’s fault, it’s the show. They don’t have the budget for you to have friends or temporary love interests or hang out at places other than the Pub or the DiMansion.
“I left a message for Edmund and my mother today.” Honestly, I can buy this as Stefano is still comatized, so it’s safe for him to contact them, but EJ could be lying too. It’s what he does.

“Oh, go ahead. Come on, keep hitting me. That's gonna look great. A few cuts and bruises there for the judge.” Not even Judge Judy would believe she beat up you
“You know, it's sad, really, Samantha, that you never even let this begin.” Don’t blame her, blame the show!
“It's not over.” Of course not. We’re just getting started.

“This is over, Samantha. This is completely over. You got what you wanted. Congratulations.” You mean like back in 2006 when you told her it was over and then schemed to impregnate her? That kind of over? I trust you as far as I can throw you, EJ.

Grade: B. I had to deduct some points for the lack of pointing, inappropriate touching, and choking. This wasn’t fighting, it was discussion. Ejami was so respectful of one another it kinda annoyed me, actually. Anyway, EJ’s angle here is playing hard to get yet still forcing Sami to live with him so she’ll embrace her feelings and pursue him. If he was truly done with her, he’d just take Johnny to Europe in the middle of the night. He certainly wouldn’t warn her about the possibility ahead of time and construct an elaborate scenario to keep her and Ali in the mansion with him and Johnny. He’s changed tactics, and he’s back in the power position again. We just have to be patient.