Friday, February 1, 2008

Restating The Obvious

EJ and Sami are sitting on the couch.

EJ (whispering in Sami’s ear): “You still love Lucas the way you love that inane television show you watch or that shade of dark nail polish you favor. You love me.”

Sami pulls away from him.

Sami: “All right, that’s enough. Stop it. What do I have to do to get it through your thick head, EJ? I love Lucas. Lucas and I are meant to be together forever. We’re soulmates.”

EJ leans back on the couch.

EJ (offhandedly): “Oh yes, you and Lucas are soulmates. Because he understands you in a way that no one else can and because he accepts you as you truly are. Oh wait, that’s me.”

Sami (knows he’s right but shoots back anyway): “That could never be you.”

EJ (ignoring her and continuing): “You see, I tend to get the two confused, my eternal devotion of you and his constant dehumanization of you since they’re so similar.”

EJ looks at Sami intensely.

Sami (getting annoyed): “You’re insane. Lucas and I are partners. We’re equals.”

EJ (gesturing): “Are you? Lucas is not worthy to lick dirt off your boots, yet you are the one who constantly has to apologize and grovel to him. Tell me how that’s equal.”

Sami (insinuating): “You’re the one who follows me around and begs me to love you, EJ. According to your logic, that means you’re better than me, is that it?”

EJ (matter of fact): “Of course not. It means that I am willing to do what he is not.”

Sami (snotty): “And what exactly would that be, EJ?”

EJ (looks at Sami openly): “Whatever it takes to make you see that we should be together. Not just because I love you, not because you love me even if you won’t admit it, but because with anyone else, you will never again get the chance to be who you truly are.”

EJ moves closer to Sami and places his hand on her shoulder.

EJ: “He’ll never let you out of your cage, Samantha. I’m the only one who will, and you know that.”

Sami: (lets EJ continue to touch her): “I don’t want to be free if it means I have to be with a monster like you.”

EJ: (noting the disconnect) “Certainly. The alternative is so preferable, eh?”

EJ gets up because he’s pressed as hard as he should at the moment.

EJ: “Well, I’d love to stay darling, but I really should look at those documents my lawyers keep faxing me. I trust you to amuse yourself.”

Sami (too coldly): “I don’t trust you at all.”

EJ (slight smirk as he leaves the room): “Of course you don’t.”

Thursday, January 31st, 2008

Ejami family :)

When Babies Attack.

“Crap, it’s Dr. North. I bet he wants to know what we’re doing in his cabin.”

“Samantha, it’s scientifically impossible for me to be hotter than I am in this shirt, and I resent any implication otherwise.”

“Let’s see, I was bedridden and barely alive back in July, and now it’s January, and I’m bedridden and barely alive again. Thank you so much, Days.”

“Hey, Lexie, remember last January when it was implied that I ran you and Tek off the road and buried your bodies in a swamp? Ah, good times, good times.”

“You turned what I had with Samantha into something...cold...something heartless.”
“That wasn’t me, Elvis, that was TPTB!”

“Are we ever going to get more screen time, little brother?”
“Eh, it’s the whole six, seven part Y&R style storytelling, you know? You’re lucky if you get five minutes an episode.”

The Grade:

“Normally I don’t like to give unsolicited advice, which is why I apologized for that whole Britney Spears thing, but Sami, you are stuck on stupid. Why do you keep blaming yourself for Lucas’ actions? Why do you keep chasing after a man who doesn’t love you the way you deserve to be loved and whose expectations you’ll never meet? Lumi is over. It’s dead. That dog won’t hunt. And contrary to what he may say, Elvis here, he ain’t gonna wait around forever for you, ‘specially when you treat him like some old shoe that you forgot to throw out. It’s time to get in the game, girl.”

EJ A+, Gianni and Ali A+, Lexie and Tony B, Sami’s shirt A, Sami D-.