Sunday, September 7, 2008

The Pretty Crappy Week of September 1st, 2008, in Review


“Pompous idiot!” Stefano, you can’t say that and expect to get anywhere, brainwashing or no brainwashing.


The worst part about being in a waking coma for Stefano? Missing his daily allotment of Diet Mountain Dew.

“So, Elvis, I am told...that you are working for John. Is that true?” Yup.
“I'm working for Mickey Horton's Law Firm. John's a client.” What? Um, that’s not what happened a few weeks ago. Sheesh, don’t mind me, Days, I just watch the damn show.

If Days were a sitcom, Stefano would be the hardworking single parent trying to make ends meet, Tony the belligerent teenage son, and EJ the quiet boy who obediently does his homework at the kitchen table.

“As soon as I win custody, I'm taking my daughter out of this pit of human degradation.” Dude, that just makes the DiMansion sound even cooler! And push Luloe harder, show, please.

“I hate to say it, but it appears from the script the show is even worse tomorrow.”

“While we're talking about it, Samantha and I are extremely comfortable, as are the twins.” Yes, the DiMansion is lovely, isn’t it?
“Face it, Father. EJ and I have every right to be here.” Actually, you don’t, as it is his house.
“You two have no idea what you are doing.” Well, that’s more of the writing’s fault, Stefano.
“Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that. See, we've learned quite a lot watching you.” I bet, EJ.
“Ah, yes. Elvis, my observant son. I'm sure you have. But, you know, I'm not worried, because the bottom line here is that Stefano DiMera will win one way or the other. is to my sons. Go ahead. Bring it on.” Yes, shall we?

“Say what you want, but I am perfectly innocent. And I dare you to prove otherwise.” Exactly. No proof, no crime, baby!


I’m thinking this injunction required some illegal maneuvering on EJ’s part. Neither he nor Tony have any legal claim to live in a house they don’t own.

“The DiMera fortune, huh? Well, heaven forbid that my two sons would have to fend for themselves.” Stefano does have a point here. It’s not like Tony or EJ built the damn thing.
“I would like to speak to each of you one-on-one.” Talk about horrible exposition. Ugh!

“I am so disappointed in you, Elvis. Of all my children, you were the one that I felt closest to.” Years of intentional conditioning tend to do that.
“Really? That would probably explain why you kicked me out, then, eh?” He was mad, EJ.
“No. See, you have a choice, son. I would be a very happy man to have you here. But it would require certain concessions on your part.” Man, Stefano is rusty. Concessions? Dude, sell it as benefits! You get to be an unquestioning solider, and it’s totally awesome!
“Selling my soul to the devil? No, thank you.” Two days in Salem time, and we’ve gone from “Father” to this? This kind of instant reversal with absolutely no transition is why I can’t take you seriously, show. It’s damaging to EJ’s characterization when you don’t build up these sort of moments. It makes him look bi-polar. Sigh.
“Is that really the way you see me, Elvis? After everything I've done for you?” Blame the writing, Stefano. Blame the writing.
“Why not, hmm? I mean, look at you. You're this master of manipulation... just incessantly controlling my life, Tony's life. Well, I'm sorry. Legacy or no legacy, when I grow up, I don't want to be like you.”

I don’t want to grow up
I’m a Toys ‘R Us kid

This allusion better mean something or it’s a waste of a perfectly inventive shot.

“I want you to consider seriously about your future, eh? Imagine the three of us working together, like a magnificent triumvirate, huh? Because the possibilities are unlimited. Now, despite whatever you may think, I have worked very hard for everything that I have. And nothing would give me more pleasure than to be able to share the fruits of my labor-our labor-someday. cannot happen unless we have your unwavering loyalty.”
“By which he means we'll continue to be his little puppets.”

“When I was with Samantha, there's a part of me that felt like I was cheating on you. Strange, isn't it?” Not really. The show has to keep this “triangle” going somehow.


I do not like these frames for Sami. Ug-ly.

“Samantha, you're a wonderful mother.” EJ loves to complement Sami.
“I just don't want to lose her, EJ.” Of course not.

“Are we, uh-are we gonna talk about what happened in the stairwell?” And here EJ goes again. It’s reassurance time!
“I thought we already did.” Yes, you did. But not from his point of view.
“Samantha, a few words quickly exchanged immediately after the fact hardly constitutes a conversation.” It does between emotionally healthy adults, EJ, but you don’t qualify as one of them, do you?
“What are you talking about? We were open and honest with each other about our feelings.” Exactly. But that’s not enough for him. You get to talk about it again! Isn’t fulfilling EJ’s incessant emotional needs fun?
“Okay, but now that a little bit of time has passed, there's been a little bit of distance between it, I'm just gonna ask you again-do you regret it?” Because EJ needs to hear it again. He needs continual external emotional support which is why he brings this stuff up all the damn time.
“No.” Good. That’s what he needs to know. Don’t tweak when he asks you again either.

“Then I would force Lucas to choose between me and Allie, and I don't want to lose him.” Make him choose you, Chloe!

“Look, EJ, I like you a lot. And I think we could be really good together. But I'm losing my patience, so you better figure out what you want, and you better do it sooner rather than later.” Oh, I think he already knows, Nicole.

Of course joint custody isn’t acceptable. Lucas sucks.


Not that you ever had it to begin with, Days, I’m just saying.

I mean, thank goodness the show is starting to suck again. I was concerned after that great hospital storyline that Days might actually build on it or something. Instead we get the junior high lunchroom Ejole/Ejami/Lumi/Luloe mess, and the DiEmpire plotline reduced to wrist-slitting dialogue like “when I grow up, I don't want to be like you.” Nothing is getting resolved anywhere, and it’s horrifically boring on top of it. Talk about taking ineptitude to a new level. Soaps may move slow, but they move. This is the same crap that’s been going on since May! No wonder the ratings are already tanking again. And EJ, if being your father’s solider means you’re completely devoted to your Samantha while being your own man means you say sickly sweet nothings to Nicole, ruse or no ruse, well, perhaps Stefano was right after all.

The bottom line? We need Evil EJ back, and we need him right now.