“My attorney is Elvis John DiMera.” No more Junior? Days, you and your incessant retcons. “EJ 's not right for Nicole.” That’s my girl, Chloe! “I can't believe I've never done this before.” You did, EJ. In Mexico. Damn you, Days! “Oh, EJ, I could really be falling for you.” Oh, Nicole, I’m sorry you got stuck with this expositional dialogue. Show, don’t tell, show.
“Okay? I'm gonna tell Samantha that the annulment is null and void.” Which is a silly plan. Okay? “She's gonna be very happy because she did not want to divorce me.” No, she did not. That was for Ali.
“No, but, you see, she won't find out because only you and I know. Nobody else knows, see?” Uh, I’m fairly sure the government keeps track of those kinds of things. Moreover, wouldn’t you have to legally remarry her at some point because of it? I mean, it’s not like you care about being above board, but it’d make things easier. “I would never tell you because you are trouble.” It’s okay, EJ. No one is perfect. And this way, you’ve indirectly gotten the ball rolling to destroying your stupid friendship with Nicole, so it’s a mistake that will have a positive outcome. “It's a secret. It's like classified, yeah, like you can't tell anybody. Otherwise, it'd be bad. I'd have to do bad things.” Oh, yeah, baby! Let the bad things commence! And I love how EJ phrased this and nodded several times as if there were no other option-of course he have to do bad things. What else would he do?
“I have a family. I never had a family. My whole life, it's all I ever wanted-a family. Never had a family. My dad didn't have a son. He had a soldier, you know? That's how I know, see? That's how I know we're meant to be together 'cause we're very alike, Samantha and me.” Exactly. You both have been denied unconditional love by the people who should have given it to you the most. “Don't you think Lucas feels likewise?” “I mean, I don't know. He was in prison for a long time. Can turn a man's head, maybe. But I don't think he loves me.” Ah! A joke! Thank you, EJ! “I'm not worried about Lucas. Lucas is some sniveling little boy. He's a boy. He doesn't even know how to look after her.” No kidding. Sami is the man in Lumi. She’s always the one who saves him. “Samantha is a woman.” And you’re the only one who recognizes that. “Not so sniveling, if you ask me. He put a bullet in you.” “Yeah, in my back.” So why did Sami say to Lucas that he missed? Argh! “Like a coward. And don't think that I have not forgotten about that.” “Well, I thought you said you did. I thought you told Sami you forgave him.” “Sure, of course I did, to woo her, to win her. Please, I'm a DiMera. We don't forget that kind of stuff.” Oh, I am liking this. More bad things! And I love the pseudo-shooting body language too. “EJ, do you honestly think that you can plot and plan your way into real love?” He always has, Nicole. The only difference this time around is the show is going to let it actually work.
“I'm really sorry that EJ 's making a scene with Nicole at your restaurant.” How is laughing quietly at a private booth in the back of Chez Rouge making a scene? You’d think EJ was dancing on a table here or something for this sort of reaction. “I care about Johnny's father embarrassing himself in public. What would he think?” Hey, Lucas embarrasses himself every moment of every day. I couldn’t even bear to watch the Lumi today because of him. “Maybe I should tell you what our little EJ 's up to.” Oh, Nicole, you ignorant slut. I cannot wait for the Son of the Phoenix to show you what he’s made of. He wasn’t kidding about the bad things.
Grade: B. Again, seriously. Ignore the drunk dancing and the lime sharing and concentrate on EJ’s glorious evilness and love for his Samantha. It could have been so much worse; he could have actually slept with Nicole, you know. Plus, it was hilarious when he threw part of that centerpiece. I love you, Evil EJ. Even when you’re totally drunk.