Is it wrong that I like Bo a lot more now that he has these ludicrous visions?
I have no interest in Luloe, but man, is that some nice lipgloss on Chloe. I wonder what brand it is.
“I don’t know, son…are you incompetent enough to join the Salem PD?”
No, Dr. Baker! You can’t go! What about your fans? You can’t leave us! DAMN YOU, DAYS!
This is a really nice look for Sami here, especially her hair. She should wear it like that more often.
See? Sydney, hereafter known as Elvira because I hate that name, takes after Evil EJ. She clearly knows what’s up.
I think I see part of the Salem PD’s problem here. They’re still using Apple IIGSs from 1990.
Yeah, that’s how I feel about this idiotic plot too. And the 1986 Jordache Spring Collection called, Nicole. It wants its shirt back.
Grade:
Who am I to argue with these two? F.
Thursday
Anyone who thought I’d actually watch an episode with Ejole not sexy time in it doesn’t know me very well. So I thought it’d take the space that review would normally occupy and plug one of my favorite television shows that’s on the bubble for renewal at the moment, Chuck on NBC. Why do I watch this action dramedy? Simple. Chuck and Sarah. Now they aren’t really together.
But they’re trying. It’s just tough when the guy is a nerd who’s had a top secret database accidentally downloaded into his brain and the girl is the CIA agent assigned to protect him. Were they to formally be a couple, Sarah would be reassigned elsewhere.
However, that doesn’t mean they can’t pretend to be boyfriend and girlfriend for their cover. And Chuck gave Sarah his mom’s charm bracelet which she wears, so you know they both want to be together. They just have to find a way to make it work.
They even have tons of photos even if they are ones that the CIA faked for them. So if you’re not already watching, please check out Chuck on NBC on Mondays at 8 pm EST, 7 CST. The show isn’t Lost or Heroes, so you can just jump in and enjoy, but if you want to get caught up on previous episodes, you can at http://www.nbc.com/Chuck/ or http://www.hulu.com/chuck
And if that’s not enough, did I mention that Adam Baldwin looks really hot in a wet tux?
Friday
Oh, good, Stephanie gets Philip coffee. Sheesh, perhaps Melanie wasn’t wrong after all, at least as far as Salem is concerned. That is a very pretty dress Stephanie is wearing, however.
“Clap on! Clap off! Clap on, clap off! The Clapper!”
“Yet again you disappoint me, Diet Evil EJ. Here’s a hint. You are the man. You ensure that you don’t run out of formula for my daughter or in event that you do, you go out and get it yourself, you pathetic AFI reject.”
They had not sexy time with the baby in the room?!! Might as well just put Elvira in therapy right now.
Oh, this is just too easy. Insert your own joke here, kiddos.
I have to say, I really did like Diet Evil EJ’s bait and switch here with the alternative fuels project. Of course EJ doesn’t give a crap about the environment; that’s why I was annoyed when they had him be pro-green on Earth Day. Thank you for fixing that, unknown writer person.
Great, Phinie is apparently the new Lumi for slobbering noises while kissing.
If there was ever any doubt that they are trying to make EJ look older for Nicole, here’s your proof.
“I know! It’s like I’m a completely different person with this haircut!”
Is anyone else amused by the fact that EJ seems to be the only one on this soap who takes commitment seriously?
Action Diet Evil EJ with side arm grip! Terrified Melanie sold separately.
Grade: D. Lame, but siding with the oil companies and screwing Melanie over is exactly the kind of ruthless business acumen I want EJ to have. Now just to fix the rest of him.
“On the phone, you said there was a woman, and you let her hold my baby.” If only there was some way you could take "your" baby with you!
You know, Days, I was pleasantly surprised by this part of the show. I mean, you smartly went with a worm instead of a virus, you had this extra in a nice blue shirt play the tech guy, and you actually bothered to explain it all even though I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who gives a crap. So I feel bad to point out that you still got part of this completely wrong. I’m willing to handwave the lack of backups for the sake of the plot, but a supposedly multinational corporation like Titan having only one database on two servers is the IT equivalent of Wal-Mart having one store and two trucks for the entire United States. A+ for effort, though.
“Listen, I want you to get in touch with our friend in St. Louis, all right? Tell him to make sure that they destroy any trace of any kind of ties that I might have had with that idiot that took care of our illustrious mayor permanently. And I'll expect some results in a week or you'll be added to the list. I can't believe the incompetence.” You mean the plan might not have been to whack the mayor on your front steps? Nice retcon, unknown writer person.
Okay, so in this episode, we have EJ calling Nicole sweetheart, Sami calling Grace sweetheart, and Roman calling Sami sweetheart. Is this supposed to be some weird Ejami shoutout or something? If not, it’s really, really annoying.
“No, Mr. Kiriakis, I expect you to die!”
But seriously, this is why you never want to be romantically involved with EJ unless your name is Sami Brady. Diet or Regular Evil, EJ is a selfish, possessive bastard. He owns you, and as such, will treat you like an expensive piece of furniture or a valued pet rather than a person. Hence, the creepy petting of Nicole’s hair here or roughly pulling Mexico Chick closer to him back in January 2007. However, when he’s with his Samantha, he’s different. While EJ is obsessive about Sami, he also worships her. She is his ideal woman, and as such, his pure adoration of her provides a natural check against his sociopathic tendencies and turns his possessiveness into genuine gallantry. She is his tainted princess, and he is her black knight. Sure, he’ll play with Sami’s hair, but he’d never harm her. No other woman has that same iron clad guarantee with EJ.
“Your family should know who you really are, EJ.” Yes, Philip, Sami should accept EJ for who he really is. We were just talking about that. “I'm a DiMera, and you're out of your league.” So very true. “You know, you and your father have gotten away with a hell of a lot over the years. But this time you've crossed the line. Industrial espionage is a federal crime. So is corporate sabotage. We're talking 30 years minimum. You think you can handle prison, pretty boy?” Diet Evil EJ? I say someone shivs him in the lunch line.
“That's my girl.” Not really. “And it's a good thing that you don't have to live with her, huh?” Dude, I like Sami’s new townhouse. So much better than the apartment set. “Yeah. Because mommy will die before she lets that happen.” Woo-hoo!
“You know, mommy loves you so much, and I'm so sorry that I have to go. But I promise you you're gonna meet your big brother Will soon and Allie and Johnny, and we're gonna be together. We're gonna be a family.” *cough* EJ *cough*
“Don't trust EJ. Okay?” It’s November 2006 all over again!
“Sweetheart.” STOP THAT! “So, uh, do I ever get to know why Philip was so upset?” “Nothing important.” “Of course it's important. Everything you do is important to me. Don't you know that by now?” Ejole graduated from the same lack of communication school that Lumi did.
“And he risked his life for me like four times that he'll even admit to. And the killer was torturing him to try to find out where I was, and Rafe didn't tell him anything. When he finally showed up there, Rafe was practically dying.”
“I'm gonna kill EJ DiMera.” Evil EJ wholeheartedly approves of either and/or both Diet Evil EJ and Zombie Dallas EJ dying, Philip. No dismantling Robo EJ, however. Ernie needs him.
“It’s a good day to be a DiMera.” Isn’t it always? “I don't know anything specific, but it seems fairly obvious that this whole witness protection program has just completed wreaked havoc with her life.” Along with my Ejami, dammit! “Aside from the fact that we share a son together, I'm not gonna let Samantha’s problems interfere with any of my happiness. I won't allow it.” Oh, shut up, Diet Evil EJ. Fortunately the plot will take care of that for us.
Is it just me or does Sydney’s nursery look like a bedroom you’d see on an episode of Murder, She Wrote?
“And somehow... I'm gonna find a way to take care of both my girls.” Nicole, let it go. You need another dozen to even tie Octomom.
Grade: Well, the only real highlight was Diet Evil EJ demonstrating his wrongness, but I’ll be nice since you tried so hard with the worm, Days. C.
Today
“I haven’t seen you in so long.” Dude, it hasn’t even been 24 hours! Damn, woman. Tone down the desperation. Seriously, go visit Johnny, and by Johnny I mean EJ, if you’re lonely.
“How could the FBI fire you?” Gee, I dunno, maybe because he’s a horrible agent who put you and your children in danger and ultimately failed at his mission?
“If they find out about Grace, they could press charges against you.” And we wouldn’t want that, would we? Sheesh. I swear, Days, you don’t really need to have every single paring be insta-luv. Some people really do keep things casual, you know. “If you don’t live here, I’ll never see you again.” So very true, but so unintentionally breaking the fourth wall.
You know an episode is boring when the most remarkable thing about it is that there apparently was a 5 for 1 leather sale at Salem’s Burlington Coat Factory.
Honestly, I would think Sami calling on your behalf would actually count against you in most job seeking situations.
“I’ll figure it out.” EJ would have a plan. I’m just saying.
“If we combine our abilities, as a united front we could take Sami away from EJ and-wait, wait a minute, no, we couldn’t.”
So what was funnier about Lumi here? How Lucas idiotically brought up Sami’s fake miscarriage or how as they were about to really start fighting, Sami ran away?
If Rafe takes Chuck’s spot, you are dead to me, Salem PD. Dead to me.
Grade: D. Safe and Lumi? My lack of interest knows no bounds.
EJ and Sami at the townhouse on March 4th, 2009. I also heard a rumor about there being someone called Rafe there, but he should be out crimefighting with his fellow Ninja Turtles.
Ah, Spring. When young Carpe’s mind turns to new hot guys, new handbags at Louis Vuitton, and new slight possibilities of her soap not sucking. So put on your spacesuit, hand the conductor your ticket, and try not to drool at Jimmy too much as we take the Space Train to the universe that is Days of our Lives.
Some Wednesday? I dunno, it’s been a while
“Because I trust you implicitly” and “You see, Melanie, you are completely disposable.” Hey, I remember this guy. There’s even inappropriate touching that brings to mind slicing up her skin! “I'm an extremely patient man” and “I admire your tenacity, Melanie.” Or do I? Patience and complements…hmmm…nope. Not him. So close, but truly the devil is in the details, eh? So let’s see…too dark to be Good or Gray EJ yet not smart enough to be Evil EJ. And my boy doesn’t think he’s coaching the Knicks either. So I dub thee Diet Evil EJ. Now more like real Evil EJ, and available wherever almost right but not quite imitations of your favorite soap leading man are shown.
“How’s my favorite girl?” Be afraid, Ali. Be very afraid!
I’m still annoyed at you James, but the veneers look nice and will help your career.
See, this is what happens when only 20 people live in your village. I’m supposed to believe Philip doesn’t have anything better to do.
Stuck in a crappy love triangle? Want to be comforted by a random old person? Call 1-800-THIS-SUCKS.
Hey, Lucas and I are on the same page here! That’s how I feel about your “story” too.
Seriously the hair is totally a -2 to EJ’s hotness.
Day after whatever that was
“Really? What do you propose we do, huh? Duel? Fine! Dance off, right here, right now!”
“Of course you lost, princess. Your father never forced you to take ballet in order to improve your agility and gross motor skills, did he?”
“When this clears...you're going to understand that it was the way you treated - or I should say 'mistreated' - Miss Layton that caused this. You insulted her. And then you fired her. And now you expect her to do business with you. That is arrogant.” Hey, this is like when Evil EJ came to Willow’s defense when Nick was bothering her! You mean to tell me someone’s actually done their homework and remembers EJ’s chivalry?!! Damn. An actual writer. Nice work. Now who are you, and what the hell took you so long?
I’m sorry your whole brother relationship with EJ was trashed, Tony, but personally, it’s worth it to hear “I am the chosen son. He trusts my judgment. If he didn't, he wouldn't have put me in this position” and “I am the golden child” come out of EJ’s mouth. We’ve been saying it for some time, so it’s gratifying to have the show finally validate what was obvious yet never stated explicitly.
And the next
Ah, my favorite sociopath father and brainwashed son pair.
“You know something, father?” “Hmm?” “You should be more careful. All of that faith and trust you have in me-well, I might get overconfident.” “You are.” Indeed. But that’s the previous writing more than anything. Glad to see you supporting EJ, Stefano.
“Father, she's about as greedy as they come.”
“Bulls make money, bears make money, pigs get slaughtered!”
“It's something altogether different, Elvis. It's a metaphor, if you will, like an American cliché. It is like the young girl who is a cheerleader in high school. See? So, in order to make the football captain jealous, she dates the valedictorian.” I see what you’re saying, Stefano, but I gave up on Heroes after this last arc.
“Oh, I feel so cheap.” “Mm. You think this is funny, huh?” Well, it’s not his A material, but I admit I laughed. Sheesh, I might actually have a joke for the next funny montage? I think I need to lie down.
“I made it very, very clear to her that if she crosses us, there's no happy ending for her.” Damn right. “I did. I threatened an orphan, a girl young enough to be your granddaughter. I thought that you would be quite proud of me.” “Well, you know something, don't worry about it because it will be good for her. It will make her feel like a grown-up.” Now that’s what I’m talking about. That’s Stefano and Elvis DiMera. Good work, unknown writer person.
Maybe it’s just me, but the whole DiMera vs. Brady feud thing kinda loses its luster when you realize the whole thing could have been won by “accidentally” spilling some cyanide into the food here years ago.
“I do not see what the hell you are so angry about.” “Are you really that dense, hmm?” Bwa! “In love, as well as business, it is not a good idea to deal with somebody who holds the trump card, huh? And it is no good for your relationship for Nicole to think that she has the upper hand.” What does it say about Ejole when a sociopath offers the best advice? “Let me just make one thing very clear. I'm marrying Nicole because I love Nicole. I'm not doing it because I don't trust her.” Like I said, Diet Evil EJ. Evil EJ does not love Nicole. Now, I don’t think Diet Evil EJ really does either, but he wants to, and that’s disgusting.
I fell into a burning ring of fire I went down, down, down And the flames went higher And it burns, burns, burns The ring of fire
Next
Hey, Days, um, your audience is largely female. We wanna see guys fight. And I don’t Strawberry Shortcake is going to be too happy when she gets home and sees that Melanie is living in her house.
Chloe, you knew this could happen when you let Lucas use your flat iron unsupervised.
“You know what I love about men? They push you around and make sure you do what they want when they want it, or you're gonna be in big trouble. But then once you do it, they get all protective over you, like they're not so bad, after all. It's like leaving an extra $20 on the nightstand. You know what I mean?” No, I don’t, Show. Quit implying all guys are johns. “I don't feel sorry for myself. I can't afford to. It's a man's world out there. I get that. My father taught that to me young and often. I accept it. Doesn't mean I have to like it.” Days, again, soaps are for women. “Touché.” No, Diet Evil EJ, not touché! See, this is what I’m talking about. It’s not that I think EJ should be infallible, that he can’t concede a point to Melanie–it’s that I don’t think some silly analogy between prostitution and women’s struggles throughout history would do it. Lame.
“No one can love you as much as I do, Sydney, no one. That's why I'm doing this for you and for your daddy.” You know, I really think Nicole’s cheese might have slipped off its cracker. It’s never a good sign when you’re buying what you’re selling.
“Tell you something, young lady. I'm gonna put you away in a tower. You're never gonna see any boys.” Ah, now that’s an Evil EJ line.
Next
“What the fudge are you doing?!!”
“I was just looking to pawn off Sami’s baby as my own.”
“It’s totally distracting!”
“But I was just trying to hide my miscarriage, EJ!”
“Than why the heck are you walking right through all da-da-da like this with Brady in the background? I’m trying to get through this stupid plot, you idiot! Are you an interloper or not?”
Next
Here I thought there was nothing worse than EJ being volcanically out of character, but that hat has proven me wrong. Not much to say for this episode besides that EJ calling Nicole sweetheart over and over does take the ring out of it. Le sigh. Perhaps he can call Sami baby doll or some such now?
Next
*snore*
Now that’s more like it. He idiotically may not want to, but Diet Evil EJ loves Sami.
And Sami loves him, less than 100% evil and intelligence aside.
Nicole, you’ve only decided to go after a man who loves your archnemesis, steal their secret daughter, and pass her off as your own. Gee, how could this possibly go wrong?
Next
“‘An ethical threat’? What-okay, what is an ethical threat? I don't even know what that is.” Bad moral influence, methinks. And if that was a joke attempt, try harder. Anyway, this was well written, but since it’s Diet Evil EJ being a tool about Nicole, not much to add here.
I see bad hair now apparently runs in the family.
“Every single night, okay, when I put Johnny to bed, I would show him a picture of you.” Awwww. “Samantha, Johnny is never going to forget about you. The kid loves you with all his heart. You mean the world to your children. They adore you, as well they should.” And by them, you mean you.
Next
Man, I don’t watch in order to protest the writing for a few months, and look at what happens. Jenkins? Where’s Chuck?
“WHAT HAS MOM DONE NOW?!!” Ah, it never gets old.
Monday
“Magic? Oh, okay. That's fine. I'm a big fan of magic.” Ejami is magic! “Samantha, I don't need to get Johnny out of the house to spend time with Sydney. And let's, just to be clear - I'm not saying you're suggesting it - Johnny is never gonna be shunted aside for any reason.” Except when the plot demands it like this whole secret baby thing. “He missed his mother. When you were away, there was a certain sadness in his eyes.” And in yours. “I know that coming home and seeing the kids has made you very emotional, but you also seem sad.” Oh, Diet Evil EJ reads Sami more like regular Evil EJ!
4/5 Ejamily.
“I cannot believe how late it is. It is so past their bedtime.” “Johnny and I are pretty used to staying up and watching the late-night talk shows, aren't we, big fella?” Now that’s how you unobtrusively plug Jimmy Fallon, Days. Nice.
Tuesday
“Maybe I shouldn't marry Nicole. I have an idea. What if I made her worst nightmare come true...and married you?” “Right. That's what I want more than anything, especially since it worked so well the last time.” Yeah, it did. Check the ratings. “You're the father of my children.” 3 out of 4! And if you had been around back then, it would be 4 for 4. “Oh, really? Did I miss something?” More like do you catch anything, Diet Evil EJ? “Samantha, when you were away, did something happen to you, something I don't know about?” Insert uncontrollable rage here. “I know that. I mean, if you saw her doing something to hurt him, I'm sure you would stop her, but you don't see it.” I cannot imagine a scenario where it would be to Nicole’s advantage to hurt Johnny. “Just like you can't see the truth about your father.” What part of brainwashed to be a living weapon is so hard to understand? “Oh, let's just say I'm a little bit more wiser to him than I was.” Yeah, right. That’s how this mental stuff works. Just when you think you’ve searched the apartment, you find out there’s more floors to the building. “But you think it's okay for Johnny to live there in that house.” “That house? Samantha, it's a house, okay?” It’s a mansion! “Samantha, you don't need to worry about me.” Evil EJ? No. You? Yeah, she better. “Because a part of me will always love you.” A part that’s 100%.
“Oh, I'll take what I can get. I thought you flat-out hated me.” And this kiddies, is why nearly everything since June 30th of last year was complete garbage. Take an unneeded break of several months just to have this convo again? How many times have we been here? Twenty? “No, I don't hate you, but the fact that I care about you has never made me blind to the fact that you're a DiMera and always will be” and “EJ, you can't put your guard down around them. You have to protect Johnny. You can't let him turn out like one of them.” Hey, unknown writer person, I really love all the work you’ve done these past three weeks, and how you’re making lemonade out of these lemons, but this is exactly my problem with how Ejami is written. Sami can’t have it both ways, and the show would be better off letting that go. Straddling that line is how this crap plot started in the first place.
“I think I know where that part is. I think it's the part of me that resisted my father when he was trying to turn me into, you know, ‘a DiMera.’” Sigh. First of all, clearly that didn’t work Mr. “I’m 30 yet still live with and work for my daddy”, secondly, heaven forbid Sami accept you as you truly are. “All right, that small part of you that I like is back.” Forget that. Embrace the evil. “Now, they have you and me in their corner, but whatever they do is up to them.” Unlike others who have been brainwashed, EJ isn’t interested in doing the same to his children. He has a big heart. “EJ, it's like I'm seeing a side of you that I never got the chance to meet.” No, no, NO! Would you like me to draw you a flowchart? “Well, you didn't really allow me to show it to you, Samantha.” BS. Seriously, Days. This was all very nice, but I’ve seen all of it before over and over and over. The carousel is getting old.
Wednesday
“See, that would be really hard to stomach, especially considering that you're here and your new fiancée and your new baby are, where are they, again?” It’s times like this that I miss Evil EJ the most.
“Hey, kids, you wanna get woken up right after you’ve just fallen asleep and play with a total stranger?”
Sorry, Bo, but I already have a favorite TV psychic.
“If I had a kid like Johnny with a mother like you, I certainly wouldn't be so concerned with pleasing my daddy.” “It's not like that.” “It's what you said.” “Yeah, well, I'm allowed to say things like that.” Ugh. Seriously. Conditioned since near birth? Hello? I mean, damn, no, this isn’t okay. EJ is not normal and cannot be normal. How dare you two bash him for it. Stefano would have cut his losses and drowned both of you before you were four.
“You seem a little bit touchy about Sami, especially for someone who's moved on. You see, I was there the night that you called to tell her that. Although she couldn't leave the house because someone was trying to kill her and she couldn't see her kids, you felt the need to keep her in the loop, fill her in on your latest romantic conquest.” That was the abominable writing, not EJ. “Well, I certainly don't owe you an explanation, but I'll give you one. Samantha and I share a son. Now, that means that I'm always going to be somewhat protective of her.” “Protective or possessive?” Ah, naïve little Rafe. With EJ, they’re the same thing. “I think you should go now.” And here’s your proof.
Evil EJ tends to be amused when other men kiss his woman as he’s secure in his ownership of her. Diet Evil EJ? Not so much apparently.
Thursday
“He crossed a line, Roman. Both personally and professionally, he crossed a line.” “No, actually, EJ. That would be you.” It is what he does. “Okay, in simple terms-” “Oh, yeah, no, thanks. Be sure to dumb it down for me.” Again, it’s what he does. “In simple terms, I don't think it's appropriate for you to be having some kind of a relationship with your bodyguard.” Neither do I. He’s better than Lucas, but that’s not saying much. “You want me to calm down? How would you feel if you found out someone was spying on you?” It’s what he does! “This is not the point. My point is I'm trying to protect you.” Damn right. “And secondly, Rafe is a hell of a lot better man than any of the guys that I have been with in the last couple years that I thought I was so madly in love with. But it's too late to change history now, isn't it?” “You want to say that again?” Way to insult Lucas and EJ, show. “Samantha, your well-being affects our son, so I'm sorry, but I have a vested interest in whoever you're hooking up with.” "Hooking up with"? Could you be any less tasteful?” IT IS WHAT HE DOES! “Rafe risked his life for me. He almost got killed in the process. He was stabbed. Do you know that?” “I don't care.” No kidding. You are in the double digits for saving Sami’s life.
“The sooner he gets back to Washington, the better.” Diet Evil EJ, your attempt to stop Rafe is to file a complaint against his professionalism. This is why you’re Diet Evil EJ.
Friday
Aw. She’s so cute! I still don’t like Sydney’s or Grace’s names, however. Whatever happened to naming girls after Metallica songs?
“Have you kept a copy of that contract? I suggest you go and look for it if you can't find it. Because there's a section in there that deals with the returning of the cash advance” and “I can assure you that, um, pouting is not a particularly effective negotiating technique.” Hah. I have to say, Diet Evil EJ, while I’d prefer for you to break the law, bending it like this is pretty entertaining.
I didn’t watch any of this because, seriously, I really, really don’t care. We all know who’s currently paired with whom and who is going to be coupled next. From Ejole to Safe. Zzzzzzz.
“They're probably just sitting there swapping recipes, you know, or comparing prenups. They are being mature and selfless,” Ahaha! It’s okay, Stefano, I laughed too. And you’re allowed to laugh at your own jokes when they’re good.
“Father. Is there something that you're not telling me?” And this is why I love the Stefano and EJ dynamic so much. On the one hand, Stefano knows EJ’s extremely competent. On the other, Stefano also understands what exactly he had to do to EJ to make him that way…which means not being honest with him about things like having Nicole followed. It’s fascinating.
Grade
“Overall, B+. Not perfect, as Diet Evil EJ and the plot need some work, but infinitely better writing than what we had been getting until recently. So what do you think?”
“I gotta say, dawg, it was weak. I didn’t feel it. I mean, Kara didn’t even bother to show up for this way too long recap of yours, yo.” “It wasn’t your best. You had a lot of episodes to go through, and your voice seemed to get lost in all of it. You’re a good reviewer, and I know you worked really hard on this, but it just wasn’t your best. Not your best.” “Dreadful. Absolutely dreadful. You’re gone for who knows how long, and this is what you come up with? Barely any analysis and ripping off Late Night with Jimmy Fallon? Please. And I was going to give you credit for not plugging The Mentalist yet again, but you couldn’t help yourself, could you? Your loathsome crush on Patrick is clearly interfering with your devotion to Ejami. Simply awful.”
So I read your little interview in the Valentine's Day issue of SOD, and my reaction is pretty much summed up by the following-just imagine "Ejole" in the place of "light":
I understand it's part of your job to plug your current couple, and it's fine that you prefer EJ with Nicole, but there was no need to publicly trash Ejami and us Ejami fans. Without us, you would currently not be portraying EJ, you ungrateful egotistical twit. So while I'm still an Ejami fan, I'm no longer a James Scott one.
The original (the text was removed, but these are the images and background):
The blurb that goes along with it is "Finally, the Ejami fans from the Sony Board fans sent the board game Clue, with the message, 'Ejami fans all over the world, with their unwavering enthusiasm, support their spellbinding supercouple! They have played their own special version of Clue to see what kind of results they will find. The solutions: EJ in the abandoned house, with his DiMera legacy, steals Sami's heart and Samantha, in the abandoned house, with her Brady spirit, captures EJ's soul!'" I see that SOD edited the text that I wrote and didn't mention the part about TPTB buying a clue, but hey, why bother when it ain't going to happen, eh?
Anyway, as usual, I didn't do any actual work, and all the thanks should go to UHcougar for ordering the board games and sending them in.
Last time on Leverage, the team had been running a two week scam on a corrupt judge in a small town when Nate and Sophie were taken hostage in a bank right before the jig was supposed to be up. In response, Hardison, Parker, and Eliot made moves to rescue them before Nate called them off, instructing them that these weren’t usual bank robbers. The game now included helping this father and son team-oh, wait, that’s on cable.
Last time on The Mentalist, Patrick Jane and his magical hair discovered who was responsible for two cyanide poisonings at a university through his usual blatant deception and magician trickery. We also learned that he was institutionalized for a nervous breakdown after his wife and daughter were brutally slain by the serial killer Red John, and that his-no, that’s not right either. I need a guy and a girl.
Last time on Gossip Girl, Chuck’s dad Bart had just passed away due to fatal injuries sustained in a limo crash. Obviously poor Chuck despaired at the news that the man he had both loved and loathed for so many years was gone, and Blair stood by his side, refusing to let the man that she loved suffer alone. As she confronted him at his limo, Blair finally let Chuck know that-dammit. I need a guy and a girl on a show with horrible writing.
Last time on Days of our Lives, Zombie Dallas EJ was stumbling around at room temperature while Fifteen Year Old Sami was walled off with Rafe the Lucas Clone in a Bobby and Britney plot from The Young and the Restless circa 2005. In addition, Nicole had broken the laws of physics in order to be in every scene at all times with nuBrady characterized as the Austin to her Carrie Reed. And I was actively avoiding watching because as a general rule, I do not engage in self-torture. You can’t unsee something, so I try to swerve around out of character scenes and situations as much as possible. However, I did catch a few things around Christmas:
Monday, December 22nd, 2008
“Word is that Nicole Walker is carrying your child and has moved into the DiMera mansion.” Not exactly. “That's right.” No, that’s what you think. Silly zombie. Brains are for kids! “My advice - throw the bitch out on her ass.” Hear, hear, Victor!
“Don't ever speak that way about Nicole again. You hear me?” Oh, I think you’ll be saying much worse things about her soon enough. “Nicole is poison.” That’s insulting to poison. “She will turn your life into a nightmare.” Actually I think that’s Dena and the writing staff.
“Who are you to tell me what she's gonna do with my life? Your marriage to her was completely disastrous. You're old enough to be her grandfather. You didn't love her. She doesn't love you.” Not everyone marries for love, Zombie Dallas EJ. “Your naiveté is astounding.” Which is why no one is buying this. EJ is many, many things but never utterly dense. The hair gel is strangling his neural net. “Nicole and I are deeply in love.” Yeah, right.
“Nicole doesn't love anyone but herself. And if you think she's changed, you're a bigger fool than I thought you were.” Yeah, he is. It’s sad. “So, let me just get this straight-you're the person who believed that a woman 80 years your junior was in love with you, but me-I'm the fool, right?” Man, zombies can’t add either apparently. “I knew Nicole wasn't in love with me. We had an arrangement. We both got exactly what we wanted till Nicole screwed it up. There's only one thing that Nicole likes more than herself, and that's money. Now, deep down, you know that. And sooner or later, you're gonna have to face it.” Preferably during a sweep month, eh?
“Fine. Don't take my advice. Just don't come whimpering to me months from now when, heartbroken and bankrupt, your relationship with Nicole blows up in your face, because I can assure you, it will. It's just a matter of time.” Which is part of the problem here. You don’t want to telegraph your entire plot for your audience months ahead of time. Why should we watch the current scenes when they don’t mean anything, especially when EJ is completely unrecognizable?
Wednesday, December 24th, 2008
Yeah, chicks really want to watch other chicks sleep. Is it any wonder the ratings are down?
Oh, hey, it’s Dream Not Evil EJ! Nice jeans.
How do we know this is a dream? Evil EJ would have inserted a joke here.
He’s also not a volcanic hothead.
Oh, shut up, Carrie.
Yes, this is a “nightmare,” but even so, this is not Evil EJ. First off, he should have said something funny. Inappropriate moments are when he breaks out his best material, like when he was about to kill John. Moreover, Evil EJ runs cold, not hot. When pressed, he crystallizes into deadly calm. He’s the icy chill down your spine, the sense of dread in the air, not generic yelling. Bottom line, TPTB, less Two Face, more Joker next time.
And once again Days is behind the curve. Who isn’t psychic on television right now? You have Patrick on The Mentalist, Alison on Medium, Pamela on Supernatural, Melinda on Ghost Whisperer, Sookie on True Blood…
I know having a kid with autism is extremely difficult, but damn, you two are awful parents.
Oh, you gotta love soaps. Remember only a few months ago when Stefano and Marlena were trying to kill each other? Ah, good times, good times.
“It’s okay, Theo. This plot scares me too.”
Yup, Luloe is screwed. The Horton Christmas tree is written in stone…except where Johnny and Ali are concerned. Heh, us Ejami fans can get out of any writing box, can’t we?
Thursday, December 25th, 2008
There are a million things wrong with this scene.
“Santa?” Santa? Santa?!! Are you kidding me?! Damn, I hope Days got a half-way decent dialogue writer for Christmas.
Ah, Rafe, I had such hope for you…such dreams…all shattered.
This is the equivalent of the local serial killer enjoying your kids’ Christmas recital.
Show, Zombies can’t read.
Damn it, Nicole, it’s knit one, purl two.
And zombies can’t dress either. Half off sale at men’s Express, eh?
You know Days is bad when you’re not entirely dismayed to see Lucas. And Ali looks so cute.
Ugh, the hair. Still way too much product, and that cut is horrific. I prefer short and spiky, but if you want to do the longer look with EJ, you have to change the part and shave some volume off the sides.
Sami looks so pretty in captivity.
“How is this even possible?” Well, there’s this snappy doodad called a webcam that hooks up to your fancy laptop there and transmits voice and audio over the global network that is the Internet. Welcome to 2001.
OH NOES! Poor wittle Nicole…blech. Dena, you can try all you want, but there is no way I am going to sympathize with Nicole, much less emphasize with her. You’ve turned her into Carrie, and I’ve always hated Carrie.
Sheesh, pregnant women sure are emotional. It’s not like your kids are going anywhere.
How long was this? One line? Man, good thing I recorded this. My Ejami history wouldn’t be complete without EJ complaining to Sami about Roman talking to her too much.
Friday, December 26th, 2008
Yup, it’s nuLumi. He’ll be yelling about his shoes soon. Just you wait.
The Killer, may I entice you to shoot Rafe instead of Sami? I have some tasty Christmas cookies with some blood red frosting I think you’d enjoy.
Okay, I see what Days was going for here, but seriously, what works for a long sleeved t-shirt does not necessarily translate into a sweater. Ugh.
Yeah, that’s exactly what the show needs, fantasy time spent on Carrie and her shady doctor.
See, it even has similar electric orange piping! Such an insult to the original top here.
“EJ, I’d attempt to give you some decent advice here, but since I’m off the show so soon anyhow, why should I pretend to care?”
After watching you in action, nuBrady, I hereby dub thee Austin. Now go find Carrie, and go somewhere far, far away from Ejami. Or hook up with Chloe, I’m flexible.
Gotta be careful with those rollover minutes, Carrie.
When I grow up I want to be as beautiful as Sami.
Maybe it’s just me, but I really don’t think this is an appropriate place to watch your old porn vids.
“I’m starting to think EJ will always have feelings for Sami.” Gee, you think? This is like when Hope used to wish that Shelle would get back together. Obvious weak sop to the rooting couple.
Yet another sign this is Zombie Dallas EJ. Even Evil EJ would not make Mary wear this ill-fitting and totally not cute work uniform.
“What, are we just quitting naps?” No, we’re quitting this damn limp dialogue that’s what we’re quitting. Those rumors about it improving were clearly false. “He misses his mother. That's the problem.” As do you. If only the plot would show it.
Meanwhile, on General Hospital, Jason “Stone Cold” Morgan searches for-oh wait.
Seriously, The Killer, can we keep you? I admit you’re a sad excuse for a sniper, but you seem decent with your handgun, and I’ve found your 15 seconds of screentime more interesting than the rest of the show. What can I say? I like the violence.
Johnny is adorables.
“STOP COPYING ME!!!”
“It can get pretty lonely in this big, old house, can't it?” With the girlfriend you purportedly love living with you who is supposedly carrying your baby? Red flag! “But guess what. In the next month or two, you are going to have your very own brother or sister to play with.” Just not the one you think. “How does that sound? Pretty cool?” Very cool. “You know what else you have to look forward to? This little boy or girl is going to have his very own, or her own, mummy. Someone who's very loving. Very loving and very caring and who's crazy about you, you little lady-killer. She's gonna be a part of our family.” *evil cackle* Ah, you slay me, Zombie Dallas EJ. “Well, I suppose she already is a part of our family.” If you have to think about it, she never will be.
Monday, January 5th, 2009
Hey, Patrick, can you use your mad mentalist skills and send me into the future for a few minutes?
The future, Carpe?
Yes, all the way to tomorrow, and its one slightly not pointless scene.
Now that I’ve been outfitted with my flying car and silver jumpsuit, let me take a moment to say that while I much prefer Sami to Carrie, the only person I actually want to watch sleep is Evil EJ.
“Whenever I close my eyes, all I can think about is EJ-trying to talk to me, walking away from me…” Show and don’t tell? More like “we’re too incompetent to actually film any of this, so let’s just have some exposition.” Think about how powerful that imagery could have been in a dream sequence, even a very short one. Ah, this Ejami break is so purposeless.
Grade: Back in the present, the verdict is self-evident. F, of course. What’s worse here, the abysmal dialogue, the unbalanced screentime, the ludicrous scene choices, or the out of character actions? You make the call! Moreover the sheer lack of surprise is astounding.
There’s foreshadowing, and there’s paint by numbers. This plot is a grocery list at this point. EJ “involved” with Nicole, check. Nicole lying to him, check. Only a matter of time before this all collapses, check. Show dragging it out forever anyway, check. What I wouldn’t give for something unexpected to happen.
Seriously, don’t waste your time. You’d get more out of a broken Zune at this point. Instead watch some good television (I’d recommend the above three programs if you need suggestions) with actual writers who care about their characters and keep an eye on the spoilers so when Days decides to start not sucking again, you can jump right back in. That’s my plan. But why listen to me when you can listen to Michael Logan of TV Guide, who lists the entire show in The Worst in Soaps 2008 in the January 5-11 2009 issue?
I decided to do some early spring cleaning and consolidate my old Save Sami and Save EJ blogs into a Save Ejami one. You can find it at http://saveejami.blogspot.com/ or in my other blog section or affiliates list in the sidebar. It's a compliation of TPTB and advertiser contact information that we can use to shower them with Ejami love.
If you'd like to link me, I'd be more than happy to return the favor both here and at Save Ejami. The snazzy link button is below, and feel free to resize it or whatever for your needs. I really don't care what it looks like, heh.
And please let me know if you have any ideas that should be over there or if you know I need to update some of the information. And yeah, we shouldn't have to do this for a soap rooting couple, but unfortunately they're on Days. We constantly have to remind them who they should be writing for.
Yes, Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha were kind enough to color a drawing celebrating the birth of the new Ejami baby girl! They also nicely let me convert it into a banner and two avatars.
Yeah, I know, I know, all we do is show TPTB our Ejami love, and the return on our investment tends to be quite lacking most of the time. But that's all the more reason to step it up a notch in 2009 with new postcards.
Spring into Ejami:
The Evil Ejami Family as expertly drawn by Evil Crazy EJ and his Samantha:
It's a new year, and thus, a new layout! Let me know what you think in the chat box, or if you catch me online, you can chat with me using the Windows Live Messenger over on the side.
Posts
