Tuesday, February 26, 2008

I Would Give You Everything

Ejami are sitting on the couch in EJ’s apartment.

Sami (looking at EJ): “So what is it?”

EJ (lightly): “Hmm…the intangible mysteries of the universe.”

Sami (shaking her head): “No, it’s not. What are you really thinking about?”

EJ (grinning): “History.”

Sami (disbelieving): “I’m not really looking for a discussion on Andrew Jackson and wildcat banks, EJ.”

EJ (tilting his head): “And I would be interested in American history because?”

Sami (lightly punching him): “Oh, shut up. What kind of history then?”

EJ (pretending to defend himself by putting up his hands): “Personal history.”

Sami (smiling): “Which one? Your past has been retconned at least three times.”

EJ (chuckling): “Precisely.”

Sami (placing her hand on his arm): “I know that it’s hard reconciling all of that sometimes between Maison Blanche and British boarding schools and Stefano and Susan and Edmund, but it’s not so bad when you gloss over it instead of delving into it. You can only do what the writers tell you.”

EJ (brushing some of Sami’s hair with his hand): “As can you. Which is why we are where we are, aren’t we?”

Sami (shrugging): “I know it’s hard to believe sometimes, but our couple history could be worse. For instance, you could have actually imprisoned me in a cage instead of it just being a running joke.”

EJ (smirking): “True. And I suppose if everyone has baggage, darling, the trick then is to find a matching set, and ours certainly does.”

Sami (groaning): “You initiated this entire conversation to say that, didn’t you? I hope you stole that line because if you paid for it, you should be asking for a refund.”

EJ (chuckling): “Yes, and yes, sweetheart. But it’s correct.”

Sami (considering): “More or less. But what brought on this reflection?”

EJ (placing his arm behind Sami’s back and drawing her closer to him): “Well, it’s not every day that you turn eleven, eh?”

Sami (giggling): “You are the worst case of SORASing ever, aren’t you?”

EJ (raising his eyebrow): “Indeed. I was hoping to find a screencap of you holding me as a baby, but no such luck.”

Sami (laughing): “You don’t think that would have been creepy?”

EJ (mock seriously): “Of course not. It would only prove that we were destined to be together from the beginning.”

They both laugh.

EJ (looking into her eyes): “Samantha…thank you for letting me spend the day with you and the twins.”

Sami (smiling): “You’re welcome. I’m sorry I didn’t wrap it, but it’s kinda hard to shop for a guy who knows his way around the French Rivera.”

EJ (sincerely): “No, it’s perfect. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted.”

Sami (meeting his gaze): “I know.”

Sami (touching his face with the palm of her hand and whispering): “Happy birthday, EJ.”

Sami pulls EJ towards her and kisses him intensely.

Monday, February 25th, 2008

“I was supposed to have your baby!” His unwavering devotion to Sami and his current absence aside, Evil EJ and Ava here really could have had something special. She has her own thugs and a controlling father and everything!

Grade: C? I was too busy snickering at Ava’s unintentional similarities to Evil EJ. “Father doesn’t let me out much.” Oh, Days. Why does the elevator of your imagination jam at the second floor?

Friday, February 22nd, 2008

Oh, that car. But tonally, we were a lot closer to this:

More jokes! Excellent. And I know deep down you wish Stefano could be okay and be the father you deserve. So do I. If only Days didn’t insist on cardboard cutout villains.

This was hilarious. More self-depreciation, Days, please.

Some people thought this was Sami stopping Evil EJ here for a second from going after John, but I say it was still Good EJ. Written well, he’s a strong man, not a doormat.

“You said you’re Santeen’s son? Well, it must be true if you went to the trouble of calling us all together and holding a meeting to announce it. I don’t need any sort of proof at all.”

Domino? Just because you’re a psycho doesn’t mean you can’t have good taste in the magazine you’re pretending to read.

I don’t know what was weirder here, the extras actually dressed like real nurses and not 1950 stereotypes or them having actual lines.

It’s Elvis, Tony! Save Junior for Bo.


Exactly, EJ. All that DiMera/Brady and J&M discussion and you asking Sami if she didn’t love you was very, very good. Moreover, this episode was impressive for what wasn’t there. No “rape” talk, no mentions of Lucas, no Sami berating you and you taking it…A-.

Thursday, February 21st, 2008

“I didn’t have time to do the laundry this morning-I hope Evil EJ doesn’t catch me wearing one of his suits.”

Sami, whatever you’re trying to do with this outfit is clearly not working.

I don’t expect anything, but, yes, we are totally getting teased with December 2006 EJ hair.

Wrapped up tight
Can’t move, can’t break free
Hand of Doom has a tight grip on me

The only decent 3 seconds of this show.

You know, I might have to make a sequel to “EJ Is Patient” if this keeps up.

Speaking of Evil EJ, he would have had a field day with the empty wasteland that was this episode. I imagine him confidently striding through the doors with everyone turning to look him in surprise. Then he’d offer something truly inspiring like “Why push clam chowder as the Pub special when you can push daisies, eh?” and laugh hysterically. Sigh. I miss that man.

“Caroline, let me console you in your hour of need.”
“I told you, Victor, we have to wait until the funeral’s over for appearances sake.”

“I know I said all DiMeras were evil, Sami, but that was before I knew I was actually married to one. No, that’s not hypocritical at all.”

“I’ll get the car.” What car, EJ? Your sports car? The SUV you use to commit crimes? The luxury one Sami supposedly drives on no income? Is the “the car” anything like “the cell phone” everyone in Salem uses?

Grade: Ejami B, Phloe C, rest F. Yes, I’m dead inside.

Wednesday, February 20th, 2008

“I’m glad it didn’t go any further than it did.” Folks, if you ever find yourself kissing someone who’s not your significant other and later on your beloved finds out, just tell them that Days said it was totally not cheating at all.

See, Jawn wisely has a hat on. As your evilness increases, so does your intelligence.

Grade: Phloe B, rest F.

Tuesday, February 19th, 2008

“Everyone except EJ and Sami here? Good.”

“My face, my face! Brady will never marry me with this horrible-oh, wait. Sorry.”

“We’re going to die if we don’t get warm!” Well, you lose 40% of your body heat through your head, so you could try COVERING YOUR HEADS, YOU UTTER MORONS.

Grade: Phloe B, rest F.