Saturday, January 19, 2008

Friday, January 18th, 2008

“Yeah, I know, Elvis. This is pointless. But we need to at least pretend we’re not wasting screentime, so let’s go through the motions, okay?”

“Want me to bring Carpe in, Junior? I think you can make a case for libel. We all know Hero EJ doesn’t really wear a cape.”

“Relying on EJ is so difficult. I just don’t know how I put up with having a hot, intelligent British gentleman around who adores me and my children and helps with the housework.”

“Elvis, I saw this advertisement on television last night that I thought you’d like because it was really rather amusing. Let me tell you about-
“For the last time, Father, now that I am no longer on your family plan, I need to watch my cell phone bill. Quit wasting my minutes, and call me back after 9 p.m.”

“Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?”

“Thank goodness I decided to get a Big Mac that day McDonald’s was handing out free pedometers. I’ll definitely hit my steps quota today."

“Damn extras. Character with actual lines coming through!”

“Father tried to have me killed, but unfortunately for him, I’ve seen Goldfinger.”

The Grade:

Man, the scab writers really stepped up here. Other than killing a little too much time with Bo and EJ and the inadvertent Bond movie plot, I actually liked the writing. Credit where credit is due, A-.

The Not So Great Escape

Stefano and Lucas get impatient and decide to escape their cell.

Stefano: "Now, Lucas, how are we going to get out of this cage?"

Lucas (whining): "Why do I have to come up with the plan? Aren't you the criminal mastermind?"

Stefano (annoyed): "We are brainstorming here. I want to hear what you have to say. And I am a legitimate businessman, Lucas."

Lucas (unconvinced): "Sure you are. Anyway, I don't have a clue. This place is rock solid. There's no getting out."

Stefano (encouraging): "Think hard. You have to have some idea."

Lucas (hesitant): "I dunno...oh wait, maybe we could tie string around the bars and saw our way out."

Stefano (incredulous): "What? That will never work! Where did you get such a stupid idea?"

Lucas (explaining): "It was this movie."

Stefano (sarcastic): "Oh, well, in that case, excellent. Because the cinema always depicts reality with 100% accuracy."

Lucas (defensive): "Lay off, old man! You wanted an idea, and I gave you one."

Stefano (waving his hand): "Alright, alright. You have a point. Now, did this inane plan of yours actually work in the movie?"

Lucas (recalling): "Nah, I don't think so. He was still in there at the end. No, wait, did I watch the whole movie? Was that the ending?"

Stefano (putting his head in his hands): "Now I understand, Elvis. Now I understand."

A Supercouple Stifled

Dr. Rolf knocks on Willow's door

Dr. Rolf (handing over the flowers): "May I say you look wunderbar, miss? Und zees are for you. Zhey are imported from Englund."

Willow (sneering as she takes them): "Looks more like you got them out of a dumpster. Let's go, old man."