“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” “I’m not being deceptive about Samantha if that’s what you mean.” Oh, sure you aren’t.
“I think he’s going to end up in a halfway house somewhere making brooms or something, and instead the guy is living in my house.” That’s right, EJ, your house. And yes, scheming is both an art and a science. You have to ride the tide.
“I’m going to be the perfect father to my son, the perfect gentleman to her, and the best friend she could ever want to have” “And in the end she’s going to end up in my bed, and Lucas is going to be left outside.” Woo hoo! “But I can tell you I'm gonna show Samantha there's more to life than that poison dwarf.” Oh, most definitely. “Look, I treat her completely differently than Lucas does. I treat Samantha like a woman. He treats her like the little schoolgirl that he started seeing all those years ago.” You are correct, sir! “Look at their relationship. It’s completely volatile. They’re basically the same person, just a bundle of raw nerves and energy.” While I don’t agree that Sami and Lucas are the exactly same, I totally agree with the point you’re making here about their natural temperaments, EJ. Sami and Lucas feed each other’s anger and insecurities; that’s why Lumi always been a more off than on relationship. “And you are all easy charm and affable manipulation.” “Precisely.” It’s the textbook definition of covert Evil EJ! “I’m just going to show Samantha that I’m a lot more of an adult than Lucas is.” Not a hard task, EJ. Not a hard task. “I can’t take her away from him, so I’m going to have to get her to come to me.” Yup. You already tried the hard sell this time last year; now it’s time for the soft sell. Summer EJ front all the way.
“But where would we find a woman to sleep with me?” Oh, how I laughed at this line. “If I was not in love with Samantha, I would sleep with you in a heartbeat.” Yes, Evil EJ likes the ladies, and he has a loose definition of lady as that apparently includes Nicole. But none compare to his Samantha. “It might send her running into Lucas' arms. She does kind of hate you enough to then hate me, you know?” EJ is a smart, smart man. “It’s not gonna happen.” Yes, EJ, the show has changed. Back in the day, that’s exactly what would happen. You’d sleep with Nicole while still chasing Sami. Sami and Lucas would reconcile and stay together. Eventually you’d give up and start calling Nicole your soulmate because this show idiotically used to think that settling was somehow romantic and not abjectly depressing.
Grade: B-. I cannot believe that this is what everyone got so bent out of shape about. EJ is barely flirting with Nicole here. Compare this to him with Kate or the bar chick in Mexico. Anyway, EJ was cute getting plastered but what really interested me was how insightful he was. As if we needed any more proof that this is covert Evil EJ. He encourages Nicole to disparage Chloe so she can marry Philip for his money, insults Lucas, nails the Lumi dynamic, and states that he going to make Sami choose him. Ah, evilness. Who needs golden or fairytale couple? It’s so much more fun this way.
“I'd like Sami and Lucas to have some time alone.” As if it’s any of your business, Marlena. “Because it was the right thing to do, Marlena. The same reason that I told you why John was alive” and “No ulterior motives.” Oh, Evil EJ plays the game so well! “I was wondering if you were happy that Lucas walked in on you and Sami in bed.” Of course he wasn’t. Dude, EJ wanted to cuddle and fall asleep together. He was enraged-that’s why he threw the pillow!
“The funny thing is Sami and Lucas have always somehow found their way back together.” It’s almost as if someone wrote it that way, isn’t it? “Well, let me ask you this-would you ever consider giving up on John?” “No, I wouldn't.” “Okay. Then I'm not giving up on Samantha, either.” Exactly. My loathing aside, John and Marlena was an unexpected couple and not a planned pairing; that’s why he was initially Roman for a while and then John was with Isabella. Now in our case EJ was always supposed to be the Stefano to Lumi’s J&M, but the end result is the same. In both cases, the better man broke the original set in stone pairing. “Marlena, I have no intention of, uh...interfering, if that's what you're talking about. I would like Samantha to choose me, but I would like her to do it of her own free will.” Yup. Now you’re going to manipulate everything else around her and influence her free will, but it will be Sami’s decision.
If you pause the show and read the screen, there’s actually an entire story about how E.J. Wells also known as E.J. Wells DiMera also known as Elvis J. DiMera was indicted for fraud. Thank you, Days. I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who cares that you bothered to write all that and remember that EJ was using a different last time at the time, but I appreciate the extra attention to detail.
“What did she do now?” and “Sleeping with EJ, not your best move, Sami.” This along with Marlena not believing EJ can make Sami happy just proves Roman and Marlena are the absolute worst parents ever. Did either of you two ever think that maybe Sami is so insecure because all you two do is treat her like an incompetent thirteen year old girl? It’s a self-fulfilling prophesy.
“I can’t believe we’re going to be living in EJ’s apartment now. Remember last May when I broke down the door with a power drill?” “Yeah, that was good times, sweetness. Speaking of Squire, I think he left some of his stuff here. I found this box, and I thought there was a bunch of papers inside, but now that I look at it, I think it’s actually a bunch of cards-AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Grade: B-. I’m glad EJ didn’t back down with Marlena, and watching S&K live in EJ’s old apartment is unintentionally hilarious. He has to come visit them.
“You're gonna be able to help him, won't you?” Says it all, really. EJ is the one Sami trusts to take care of everything. And warming up to Jawn, huh? Not the only DiMera you should be appreciating, Sami, especially when he looks so fine in his demonic suit.
That’s right, wait until the most opportune moment to make your dashing entrance. It’s a lot easier to eavesdrop on Lumi here than the apartments, eh?
“Here, my part's already signed. Have a nice life.” Completely ignoring silly real world issues like a legal annulment being different from a church annulment, this impacting EJ’s immigration visa, and so on and so forth, I’m glad how quickly and harshly EJ handled this. It’s what Sami thinks she wants, and even though she browbeat EJ into marrying her to end the feud, she still blames him for it. Annulling their marriage doesn’t remove an unfair advantage for EJ, it removes the eight ball Sami’s put him behind.
“I recognize you from your photograph in the paper.” Of course you do, EJ! You love your paper. And Eva is a lot like Chelvis. Not bad.
“Lucas. . . you do want us to start over, don't you? I want us to have a future together. And if you want that, too, you just have to find a way to forgive me and move on.” “Lucas, everything was so great with the twins. When we were playing with them, wasn't it just perfect?” “There is nothing standing in our way now. You are the love of my life, but you seem to have some trouble believing that. Give me a chance to prove it. Please? Let me prove it to you.” Oh, look. It’s every single conversation Lumi’s ever had. Talk about an infinite loop.
Out of the myriad of talents EJ has, one of the ones I am simply amazed by is EJ’s ability to flashback to events that he wasn’t even physically present for. He had already left the room by the time Sami signed the annulment papers, yet he’s able to recall it with complete clarity.
“I'm not giving up. Not giving up.” Good boy. I know how much it hurts, EJ. I know.
Grade: EJ’s demonic suit A, EJ B+, Eva B, Phloe B+, rest F. Seriously, Sami is choosing the loser convicted felon confined to house arrest over the awesome lawyer making the big bucks with his double and quadruple billing?! What color is the sky in your world, Days?