Sunday, August 3, 2008

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Shake Your Blood

Sami is keeping a shirtless EJ captive. She walks up to his enclosure and looks at him severely.

Sami (sternly): "You've been a very bad boy, EJ. Whatever shall I do with you?"

EJ (pleading): "Oh, Samantha, please don't hurt me. You know I didn't mean it."

Sami (not buying it): "You most certainly did. I'm going to have to punish you."

Sami leans in between the bars and passionately kisses EJ.

EJ (eyebrow raise as she pulls back): "I don't think I can withstand all this torture, sweetheart."

Sami (going in again): "And here I thought you were a strong man."

Friday, August 1st, 2008

“Wow. What a SOB. I knew that guy was bad news.” I love how Evil EJ put less emphasis into this line than as if someone had messed up his latte order. Someone really doesn’t care.

“It's draining, Maggie. It's exhausting trying to love Sami all the time.” And this is why I hate Lucas. Heaven forbid he put forth one ounce of effort into their relationship. It has to be 100% Sami 100% of the time.

“I would love more than anything to make this work, but I can't do that right now because if we went out on a date, and Trent saw us, he would make good on his threat, and I cannot risk that right now.” And yet again, certain money is chosen over possible love by Nicole. She’s the same shallow party girl she’s always been.
“EJ...this is so hard for me because I know we would make a great team.” Actually the ratings say otherwise.

“Now, if Trent has you doing his dirty work, that means there is more to this than you know, okay? Now, we need to find out what that is. Once we have that, I think we'll be good. And then we can, uh, you know, we can do whatever it is that our hearts desire us to do. Mine tells me to use you to make Sami run into my arms, okay?”

“Everything's good. It's-it's too good. I-I just-I can't believe you're willing to help me. No one's ever been this nice to me.” Red flag, Nicole! Red flag.

Another bad sign would be Evil EJ looking at you like some sort of science experiment.

Grade: D-. Both Evil EJ and Nicole were clearly as bored spending time together as I was watching this. Now, with the upcoming spoilers, none of this is going to matter anyway, but for the record, this is clearly Evil EJ playing Nicole in order to win Sami. Fortunately, upcoming events are going to chuck this plan and pairing out the window, and none too soon. The show simply cannot afford to waste time like this.

Thursday, July 31st, 2008

Gray long sleeved t-shirt with orange piping, black corduroys, and slip on sneakers? I approve, Casual Evil EJ, I approve. And he’s so cute with the twins!

“All right. Come here. Come on. Oh, there we go. Is that better? Okay, now, what were we doing, hmm? Remember? Should we try it? Here's the church. Here's the steeple. You open the doors, and you see all the people.” Evil EJ is the best daddy ever!

“You're welcome to join us if you want to. Just building a-well, we were just destroying a town. Weren't we, darling? We were in the middle of building it. Ejville was looking like it was doing pretty well about 30 seconds ago.” Ejville?! I must move there!

“Come on. Look, they like playing this with me. They love playing this with you.” And here is his lack of self-identity again. EJ doesn’t exist without Sami.

“Are we building a little town?” Yes!
“We are. We had a little bit of a problem earlier with a natural disaster. Ejville unfortunately seems to be full of them.” Oh, do tell, EJ.

“You ready? Should we go and help mummy?” Yes, you should because Ali is heading straight for the camera, ahahaha.
“I think what we're lacking here is a little bit of structural integrity. You see, the last earthquake pretty much would have taken that one out.” Oh, I loved this.
“You did it on purpose!” Of course he did.
“I did. But we have to be careful.” Exactly. That’s the DiMera way, purposeful destruction.

“All right. Allie, you want to go flying? Want to go flying with EJ?” I wanna go flying with EJ too!

“I thought it was all gonna be okay, and I guess that was just in my head. And it's not gonna be okay, but either way, I've been hard to deal with. And I'm sorry.” Say what?
“It's all right. Look, I can't imagine me being the easiest person to live with, either.” Huh?
“And I just-I hope that we can find a way to get along and be friends for their sake.” Gee, thanks, Days. You add in some lame lip service to the custody plotline and then wash it away. Le sigh.

“You and Johnny and Ai mean more to me than anything else in the world. I have no idea what I'd do if you weren't to be a part of my life.” So much for playing hard to get, eh, EJ? And you’re completely correct. You really wouldn’t know what to do without them, particularly Sami. She’s the center of your world.

“Samantha, Lucas has everything to do with this. Everything. Do you remember what it was like living here before Lucas came back on that stupid house-arrest program? I mean, you and I-we were getting on great. We had a routine set up with the twins. Everything was going fine, and then Lucas turns up, and the whole thing goes out the window. I end up becoming somebody who I do not like, and you just become somebody who you're not.” Yes, EJ, remind the audience that the show was great only two months ago before the writing chose the wrong obstacles for Ejami and imply that it can be that good again.
“Look, he has this very negative effect on both of us.” Three is a crowd, after all.
“Yes, he does, Samantha. Look, every time I see you with him, I get jealous.” Not of the “perennial loser” of course, but of his place at Sami’s side. That’s where EJ belongs.
“And every time you're with him, you're just a different person. You become-you become highly strung. You constantly feel that you have to be proving your worth to Lucas, when, in reality, he should be proving his worth to you.” Yes, EJ! Someone on staff has read our thread!

Gee, I wonder who this reminds me of?

So am I to assume Nicole just teleported in front of EJ? Sheesh, Days, whatever you cut must have been bad to warrant this crappy a transition.

You’ve got to be kidding me. I can’t even comment how inane Nicole’s sob story is.

And look, Evil EJ agrees with me.

“Sami, I did what I had to do to get out of there.”
“And you did it for us, for our family. Oh, Lucas, you were willing to risk your life so we could be together.”
“No, that's not why I did it. That's not the reason. Not at all.” Exactly. Sami, Lucas doesn’t value family the way you do. He values himself. You two have a fundamental disconnect there.

“Not for us. Nothing's ever easy for us. It's always been hard. It's always been that way.” Yes, Lumi is a second rate pairing for both of you.
“But we love each other, and that is all that matters.” No, it’s nothing else matters.
“You know what, Sami, there are a lot of other things that matter.” Like compatible values and you sucking, Lucas.
“I have no problem seeing it. You just can't admit it. We just have a lot of problems. In our relationship, we always have.” Unsurprisingly they all stem from you being a total jerk.
“Lots of couples have problems. They work through it.” Ah, but other couples don’t have Lucas.
“I know they have a lot of ups and downs. We have more downs than ups. It's always been like that.” Yup, Lumi is not a supercouple by any standard.
“What does that mean? You're saying we're-we're through?” Yes! It’s party time!
“You should take the time, too, for yourself. Take the time and figure out what you really want.” Who, you mean, and that’s EJ.
“There is no question in my mind about what I want. I want you.” Oh, I don’t think so, Sami.

Sami, I know it hurts, but you really are better off without him. Lucas will never make you happy, and you will never get to be yourself around him. You will look back on this as a good day in the future, and sooner than you think. You are free of his unachievable expectations. You can now be loved by someone completely and unapologetically, someone who will never ever leave you.

Grade: Ejami family time A+, Ejami convo B+, Lumi B-, Ejole C-. Now does it make any sense that the show has reset EJ and Sami’s dynamic back to May pre-annulment levels? No, no, it doesn’t. They’ve completely shoved the custody battle under the rug, EJ is openly adoring Sami again, and Sami isn’t even mad at him for it. So thematically it doesn’t fit with anything we’ve watched up to this point. However, I can’t say I really care as it had to be done. They won’t get people back watching the show otherwise, so what’s a dropped plotline and two characterizations? Nothing when family time is this completely adorable.

Tuesday, July 29th, 2008

“Look, miss, normally the extras don’t get lines on this show, but I must inform you that you are suffocating your dog Pookie seeing as how the zipper on your purse is closed and there aren’t any airholes.”

I really need to petition the United Nations to include Ejole elevator flashbacks in their crimes against humanity.

Marlena, diligent crusader for people we’ll never see again.

Evil EJ, if you’re going to crossdress, you should at least go all the way.

“And once you graduate from DeVry, you too can be a productive member of society.”

I’m sorry for being stuck on this, but damn, someone had to borrow a shirt out of Pansy EJ’s women’s collection from Kohl’s, eh? What is up with that ribbon?

“Samantha and I are through” and “What happened in that elevator was really special, and it wasn't about sex. I know how I felt, and I couldn't have had those feelings if I hadn't known that you felt the same way.” Hmm, this BS sounds familiar…oh yes, that’s what EJ told Kate as he was angling to sleep with Sami and impregnate her, that they had something ‘special’ and that Sami meant nothing to him. Here’s your first clue that Evil EJ is “slimey, but honest about being slimey.”
“I will not compete with her anymore. I won't do it, EJ.” Yes, because you always come in second to Sami, don’t you, Nicole?

“Nicole, I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound arrogant, but I'm not somebody who generally has to pursue women.” And here’s the second. Could this line be more sleazy? Even if you ignored everything else here, this is the dialogue that indicates Evil EJ is using Nicole. Only a snake like him would say this out loud. You can hear the smirk.
“Look, I've been in a relationship for two years.” Ever since EJ saw Sami’s photo!
“In that time, I can't tell you how many women came up to me.” And the third clue.
“I didn't notice any of them.” And the fourth.
“Look...let's go to dinner, okay? Look, no expectations, no strings attached.” And the fifth and final. No promises either. Evil EJ is surprisingly honest about who he is and what he’s doing, but you have to know where to look. Nicole doesn’t. Life is tough when you’re stupid.

“I am so tired of you spying on me” and “I'm so tired of you lying to me” I am so tired of this tired plotline, how’s that?
“If you continue to act like a petulant child, I will have no choice but to put you across my knee.” Oh, if only Trent. You and Nicole actually have some chemistry.

“Yes, I think your Mr. Burke will be out of a job very soon. And if I had my way, he'd be behind bars.” How is EJ paying Immigration Dude to pretend to get him a Visa illegal? Essentially it was performance art as he didn’t actually give EJ anything, and Immigration Dude can’t even get in trouble for impersonating a government official as he really is one. In any case, the generous amount of money Evil EJ bribed him with ought to pay for a nice place in the Pacific, I’d think.

“I thought you changed. Ever since you told me John was alive, I've given you the benefit of the doubt. I've defended you. But you haven't changed at all. You are still Stefano's son.” I know! Isn’t it great? And you should talk, Marlena, you hypocrite you.
“Marlena, I did exactly what I had to do.” Damn right.
“You're a DiMera. When you want something badly, you always go after it. That's what concerns me.” As it should. EJ will never let Sami go. He wants her and needs her.
“So, tell me-are you still in love with my daughter?” Is the sky blue?
“Marlena, Samantha is the mother of my child. And in that way, I will always love her.” That’s a yes and forever.

Grade: B. Evil EJ is implementing his master plan to gain his Samantha by way of using Nicole here, and in that sense, it’s highly entertaining. Now he just needs to burn that hideous excuse for a shirt.

Monday, July 28th, 2008

Of course Evil EJ is comforting Morgan after the shooting. He is a black knight, after all.

“Look, Roman, I don’t want to talk to you either, but I have to pretend to work sometimes.”

Grade: EJ B, rest F. Seriously, I hate these episodes that just have EJ stand around in the background and say some occasional lines; it’s a gross misuse of his screentime. I don’t care about Jawn, or Ava, or her case, and even the Karen Fitzpatrick mention wasn’t enough to interest me. Snore.