A Very Ejami Thanksgiving

The DiMera mansion

John: “Hey, Stefano, pass the mashed potatoes.”

Stefano: “Get them yourself, you ignorant cretin.”

EJ: “Father, I would appreciate if you could be civil.”

Stefano: “As you wish, Elvis. Here they are, you ignorant cretin.”

John: *eyebrow raise* “Thank you, Stefano. Now how about the gravy?”

Stefano: “This is rich, you have the gall to ask me for things that you could easily take seeing as they are right in front of you if you could be bothered to move.”

John (waiting for this opening): “Of course, you’d know all about taking things, wouldn’t you, Stefano? Like, say, my kidney?”

Stefano: “Apparently that forced timeout you had damaged your brain. You cannot prove that anyone at this table had anything to do with any supposed organ stealing.”

EJ (politely): “I would think that at this point, John, we could put aside our differences.”

John (icily): “I wasn’t aware we had any similarities, Elvis.”

Sami (cheerily): “Yes, you do, you and EJ have lots in common, like…um…uh…”

John: “On second thought, you’re right, Sami. We both can handle firearms, although one of us needs to spend a little more time at the shooting range.”

EJ (glaring at John): “I wouldn’t know.”

Stefano (annoyed): “Enough. I welcome you into my home to celebrate this insipid American holiday and partake of my hospitality, and this is how I am rewarded? I am merely accommodating my new daughter-in-law and her desire to include you, but instead you continue to make baseless accusations against my son.”

John (insinuatingly): “If that were true, Roman would be here as well.”

Stefano: “What, invite the man who drugged me and placed me in a coffin like some show piece into my residence? I’d rather die…again.”

Sami: “Hey, my dad just did what he thought he had to do to keep you above ground.”

John (ready): “Okay, let’s lay it all out on the line, Stefano. You’re right, this isn’t a social call. We’re here to figure out how your psychopath son here brainwashed my stepdaughter into marrying his pathetic self.”

EJ (fed up): “What, no sociopath? It appears I’m growing on you, John.”

Stefano: “Pathetic? It is you who are pathetic to even imply that Samantha was coerced in any way to take her rightful place in our family.”

Sami (leaning over): “Mom, I told you to tell him not to say anything. John didn’t have to bring that up-he still has one perfectly fine kidney. Now look what he started!”

Marlena: “I did, sweetie, but we can’t help but worry about you.”

Sami (insistent): “I told you, the twins are fine, I’m fine-I’m dealing with it.”

Marlena (whispering): “I’m sure you are. But what about EJ, has he-”
Stefano: “Is there something you’d like to share with the rest of us, Dr. Evans?”

John (threatening): “Don’t you ever talk to my wife like that again.”

Stefano: “I will talk to Marlena in any manner I wish, John, in my own residence. Now, what is it that you were whispering, Marlena?”

Marlena (turning to look at him): “I don’t feel like sharing.”

Stefano: “That is too bad because you are going to tell me anyway.”

Marlena (angry): “Really, Stefano? What are you going to do, lock me in a cage again?”

Stefano: *waves his hand* “That is it, we are done. This gathering is over. Elvis, bring your wife, and…Elvis?”

John (standing up): “That’s right, we are done because we are leaving right now and we are taking…Sami? Sami?”

*Stefano and Jarlena look around and see that Ejami has left the room to check on the twins*

Dr. Rolf (walking in): “Dessert, yes? Apple pie und cherry?”