Saturday, January 12, 2008

Local Salem Commercial Break

Lack of transportation getting you down? People that need slaughtering not getting whacked because you’re not there in time because you have to take the bus? Well, come on down to Evil EJ’s Used Vehicle Emporium for all your homicide enabling needs.

This green ride is already one of my hottest sellers due to the window-enabled cooling system, and the bullet holes add some nice detailing.

I know what you’re thinking-why would I ever need a refrigerator truck? Why, how else are you going to freeze someone to death, of course! Only one previous owner so I can vouch for the low mileage even though I was insane at the time. Now there is some brick damage to the back door, so I’ve included a free life-size Kate doll.

Into SUVs? I have you covered. This model offers standard air bags, six cup holders, and that extra front seat visibility when you need to stalk someone.

The jewel of my collection is this fine beauty. This lovely automobile successfully survived a fatal hit and run. So don’t hesitate to make an offer. After all, how often can you say that your car already killed someone? Let the vehicle’s murderous experience bolster your confidence. Blood removal not included.

I guarantee that all my pre-owned vehicles are defect free and inspector certified. And creative financing is my specialty. Bad Credit? I don’t care. No credit? No problem. Heck, just kill Lucas for me, and I’ll give you anything off the lot, free of charge. I’ll even throw in a complementary steak dinner. So head on down to Evil EJ’s Used Vehicle Emporium at the corner of County Road E and Highway 65. You’ll be glad you did, darling.

1 comment:

  1. ok this and your new montage ej is evil...are my absolute top two to date...i am so glad they are preserved...the longer i get what you have blogged so far the happier i get