Friday, February 8th, 2008

So the last names we’re currently going with are Horton and DiMera, respectively. At least until TPTB change their minds again.



“No, Mommy, I want to stay with Daddy. And those are some fugly pajamas you’re wearing.”



“Oh, he is cute, isn’t he?”



EJ actually sleeping on camera. Excellent. Now get going on that shower scene, TPTB.



Loved you responding to the baby remark, Good EJ. Keep it up! You really are just as funny as Evil EJ, you just make fewer jokes.



I need a DVD of this.



Okay, I didn’t actually watch any of Max’s surprise birthday party here, but this is exactly the kind of plot Days’ needs. Soaps are supposed to be escapist fantasies, and that means fun, entertaining events like parties.



Good EJ reading the paper?! Hmmm…I wonder what other Evil EJ traits will surface…heh heh heh.



I have to give James credit here. He’s always great with props, but he especially handles the food and drink in a believable way that few actors bother with. The attention to detail helps with my suspension of disbelief, and I really appreciate it.



“She’s not yours, EJ. Lucas is her father until TPTB reveal otherwise. Never mind that you’re her stepfather because they are totally downplaying that we’re still legally married right now.”



“Previously I’d just put up with your berating, but I found this hidden in the back of my suitcase.”





“What is up with all the shots through windows now? You can’t even see us!”
“Eh, Y&R again. Nick and Sharon spending time together during the summer of Cassie’s death in their house on the Newman Estate was all like this.”



“I’m sorry that I made you cry.” I’m not. Yes, Sami, Lucas is a moron, and EJ should point that out to you. You “love” a very, very stupid individual.





“Sherman, set the wayback machine to September 1st, 2006.”
“Yes, sir, Mr. Peabody!”



“Now, Sherman, we also need to stop at August 24th, 2006, before we return to the present.”
“Okay, Mr. Peabody!”



Can you say soulmates?



“My beautiful angel, I am so sorry about deceiving you and making you believe my wife was deceased.”
“And I’m sorry for fakin’ me death, raising our child alone, and never speakin’ with ye again.”



“Oh, Santo, I’ve missed yer lips on mine so much…but what about yer wife? Ain’t she up here in the Lord’s care as well?”
“That she is, but do not worry, my love. We will introduce her to your brother Shawn when he passes next week.”

The Grade:



Finally! Breakthrough! Santeen got a nice (if cheesy IMHO) sendoff, and the Ejami relationship was quickly reset to friends in a pleasing and organic manner. I loved the harkening back to Summer Ejami with the comforting, hugging, tea, talking on the couch, and stares. Prince Charming the White Knight is back! How long can Sami resist him? I was so surprised by this episode. Man, Days, you keep this up, and I won’t have anything to complain about. A.

Thursday, February 7th, 2008

“This expositional phone call is driving me nuts, Philip.”
“Me too, Lexie, but we have to recap the plot and reiterate that the DiMeras are no longer evil incarnate somehow.”

The Grade: Argh! The Phloe was okay, but still. D.

Monday, February 4th, 2008

“It’s a good thing your mother Celeste isn’t here or she’d totally ruin this whole close brother sister relationship we’ve manufactured in two episodes.”



“What’s happening to us, Lucas? You look like that construction worker from the Village People and I look like Gwen Stacy from Spiderman 3.”



Days, if you keep doing establishing shots and text like this, I’m going to have to conclude you actually have a budget somehow.



“If you follow my directions, she’ll be fine.” Um, Lexie…have you forgotten how you’re a really, really horrible doctor? Better put Kayla on speed dial, EJ.



“I’m going to move on with my life.” Yes, that’s the one of the positive upsides about being redeemed as Good EJ does not miss being Evil EJ. At least that makes one of us.

The Grade: I’ve always been pretty indifferent to Lexie, but I liked how Good EJ is not dwelling on the past and how he’s willing to be there for Ali even though he knows it could get emotionally difficult for him. B.

Friday, February 1st, 2008

“The facial hair? No, actually I thought there was some kind of legal loophole for dealing with pirates, but no such luck.”



“I can’t talk right now. Either I want to hide our true love from my rapist or I want to protect my new husband from seeing me speak with my ex, depending on what side you’re on.”



“You know those Cosmo articles that say never insult your guy’s family no matter how much he may rip on them? They’re a bunch of crap. Let me call Stefano a SOB again.”



“Static electricity is a bitch.”



“I just want you to know that I really, really regret following in my father's footsteps.” Ah, Good EJ…I don’t. I can’t. You were blindingly awesome as a villain, and I’ve always fundamentally disagreed with Days’ morality laws. If only this show would let you be Evil EJ and have your Samantha…but that wouldn’t be the power of redemptive love, now would it?

The Grade: This wasn’t bad, but it certainly wasn’t memorable either. C.

EJ Is Sensual

I never thought I'd do a montage about EJ groping Sami, but hey, your wish is my command.

I Lost on Jeopardy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hv_wVfGU8EY

As the lights come up on stage, Evil Crazy EJ, his Samantha, Hero EJ, Gray EJ, and Good EJ are standing behind the contestant podiums.

Carpe (disembodied voice): “Welcome to America’s favorite quiz show, Jeopardy! And here’s your host, Evil EJ!”

Evil EJ appears on the stage and grins as he waves to the audience.

Evil EJ (enjoying the attention): “Welcome to Jeopardy. I’m your host, Evil EJ.”

Good EJ (surprised): “You’re not playing?”

Evil EJ (explaining): “Well, that wouldn’t be very sporting of me now, would it? This is supposed to be a contest, after all.”

Good EJ (annoyed): “And you’d wipe the floor with us?”

Evil EJ (darkly): “Put together.”

Evil EJ (back in host mode): “Let’s meet our contestants, shall we? Our first contestant enjoys romantic candlelit dinners, cuddling by a warm fireplace, and letting his woman walk all over him. Here he is, Good EJ.”

Good EJ (imploring): “I am only doing what needs to be done. I am trying to show Samantha that we are a better man now.”

Evil EJ (unconvinced): “Is that what you call being whipped? Our second contestant enjoys subterfuge, wearing plastic gloves, and being torn between two sides. Here he is, Gray EJ.”

Gray EJ (nodding): “I’m glad to be here, Evil EJ.”

Evil EJ: “Excellent. And our third contestant enjoys coloring, waffles, and spending time with his wife, who he was nice enough to bring along with him today. Here they are, Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha. Hero EJ here has graciously agreed to assist them.”

Good EJ (objecting): “That’s not fair. Why does he get extra help?”

Evil EJ (gesturing): “Would you prefer that he let his beloved Samantha hit the buzzer instead, and we spend all day arguing about whether she came in first or not?”

Hero EJ (nodding): “I’m just here to buzz in for them. I will not be actually playing the game.”

Evil Crazy EJ (nodding): “Yes! I already have Samantha to help me play!”

Samantha: “…”

Evil Crazy EJ (brightly): “Yes, Samantha! We are very happy to be here, Evil EJ!”

Evil EJ: “Right you are. Let us take a look at the board. Gray EJ, you won the backstage toss, so you choose first.”

Gray EJ: “Potent Potables for 100, Evil EJ.”

Evil EJ: “This drink that we often order is also favored by James Bond.”

Gray EJ: “What is a vodka martini?”

Evil EJ: “That is correct.”

Gray EJ: “Potent Potables for 200.”

Evil EJ: “And the answer is Samantha’s favorite drink.”

Evil Crazy EJ (firmly): “What is chocolate milk?”

Evil EJ (clarifying): “I’m sorry, by drink we mean alcoholic beverage.”

Good EJ: “What is a shandy?”

Evil EJ: “Correct.”

Good EJ: “Potent Potables for 300.”

Evil EJ: “The answer is, what I, Evil EJ, drank to toast my impending nuptials.”

Evil Crazy EJ (hesitant): “Samantha says what is champagne?”

Evil EJ: “She is correct.”

Evil Crazy EJ (pleased): “Same thing for 400.”

Evil EJ: “What we drank on the pier when we were drunk.”

Good EJ (reaching): “What is some sort of brandy? I couldn’t read the label on the bottle.”

Evil EJ (shrugging): “Neither could I. Close enough for me, so that’s correct.”

Good EJ (finishing the category): “Potent Potables for 500.”

Evil EJ (reading): “The answer is the name of this category.”

Gray EJ (jumping in): “What is alliteration?”

Evil EJ (shaking his head): “No.”

Good EJ (going for it): “What is Potent Potables?”

Evil EJ (insulted): “Of course not, you clumsy imbecile.”

The contestants look around blankly as an annoying out of time sound effect is heard.

Evil EJ (reading the card): “I’m sorry, we were looking for what is retarded? What is retarded.”

Appalled, Good EJ shakes his head and Hero EJ crosses his arms in disgust while Gray EJ unsuccessfully tries to stifle a snicker.

Samantha: “…”

Evil Crazy EJ (agreeing): “Yes, Samantha, that was funny!”

Evil EJ (grinning): “Thank you. Good EJ, you have the board.”

Good EJ (annoyed): “No, it wasn’t. Know Your EJs for 100.”

Evil EJ: “This EJ thought that a freezer truck was a good way to kill someone.”

Evil Crazy EJ (defending): “Who is Evil Crazy EJ! And it was! Lucas got all cold!”

Evil EJ (ignoring): “That is correct, although we will agree to disagree on the effectiveness of the method. Choose a category.”

Evil Crazy EJ: “Samantha says Know Your EJs for 200!”

Evil EJ: “This EJ comes and goes as he pleases.”

Gray EJ: “Who is Hero EJ?”

Evil EJ: “That is correct.”

Hero EJ (explaining): “Protecting Samantha and the twins is a full time job.”

Gray EJ: “Know Your EJs for 300.”

Evil EJ: “This EJ gets surprisingly little screentime.”

Gray EJ (nodding in agreement): “Who is Gray EJ?”

Evil EJ: “That is correct.”

Gray EJ: “Know Your EJs for 400.”

Evil EJ: “This EJ is frequently seen reading the paper.”

Good EJ: “Who is Evil EJ?”

Evil EJ: “Correct. I do need to keep up with the housing crisis and the softening economy, after all.”

Good EJ: “Know Your EJs for 500.”

An annoying sound effect plays while a silly graphic flashes on the screen.

Evil EJ (looking at the board): “And it’s the Daily Double. How much would you like to wager?”

Good EJ (unsure): “Eh, I’ll keep it at 500.”

Evil EJ (nodding): “This is an audiovisual daily double. The answer is, this EJ cannot wait to see this film.”

A clip from the new Hannah Montana movie plays.

Good EJ (through gritted teeth): “Who is Good EJ?”

Evil EJ (amused): “That is correct.”

Good EJ (ticked off): “No, it’s not! I am not a tween girl!”

Evil EJ (raising his eyebrow): “You could have fooled me after seeing your interactions with Samantha lately. Are you certain?”

Good EJ (grimacing): “Yes. Anyway, new category. I’ll take Therapist for 200.”

Evil EJ (nodding): “The Rapist for 200. And the answer is-”

Good EJ (confused): “Wait a minute, you actually made a category called The Rapist?”

Hero EJ (offended): “Is that supposed to be funny?”

Gray EJ (considering): “Well, it would have been if he hadn’t stolen it from SNL. Who hasn’t seen that skit?”

Evil EJ (grinning): “It’s perfect, isn’t it? It fits exactly with-”

Evil Crazy EJ (cheerily): “Samantha would like to know what that means so she can answer the question.”

The other four EJs share a look.

Evil EJ (skipping cards): “Therapist it is.”

Hero EJ (threateningly): “How dare you put that up on the board. You knew he’d be here.”

Evil EJ (defensively): “He wasn’t supposed to notice, all right? I never would have chosen it otherwise. I’m sorry.”

Evil EJ (to Evil Crazy EJ): “It’s nothing you nor Samantha should be concerned about, Evil Crazy EJ.”

Evil EJ (improvising): “Let’s skip right to the end of this category, shall we? Therapist for 500. Patients sit on this.”

Good EJ (playing along): “What is a couch?”

Evil EJ (moving on): “That is correct. We have one category left, so let’s start off with Days Characters for 100. The answer is John.”

Evil Crazy EJ (nicely): “Samantha says who should have his insides taken!”

Evil EJ: “That is correct. Days Characters for 200. The answer is Steve.”

Gray EJ (quickly): “Who should be mind controlled with a Tarot card?”

Evil EJ: “Correct. Days Characters for 300. The answer is Kayla.”

Gray EJ (gathering steam): “Who should be ran off the road and personally given flowers at the hospital afterwards?”

Evil EJ: “Also correct. Days Characters for 400. The answer is Nick.”

Gray EJ (on a roll): “Who should be strangled with a phone cord?”

Evil EJ: “Correct again. Days Characters for 500. The answer is Belle.”

Gray EJ (triumphant): “Who should be stalked at night, surprised, strangled to death, and buried in an unpopulated, nondescript location after removing all traces of possible DNA evidence?”

Hero EJ and Good EJ look at each other in horror at while Evil Crazy EJ nods in agreement.

Gray EJ (insulted): “It’s not my fault I know how he thinks.”

Evil EJ (pleased): “On the contrary. Not so gray now, are we? That is correct.”

Evil EJ (announcing): “And with that, it’s time for Final Jeopardy. The standings are as follows. Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha are in third place with 300 dollars while Gray EJ and Good EJ are tied for first with 1500 dollars each. Contestants, place your wagers.”

The three contestants write down how much they wish to bet. Evil EJ continues after they are finished.

Evil EJ (looking at the video monitor): “And the answer is, Samantha.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKg5ggoqJ0g

The Jeopardy thinking music starts. Evil Crazy EJ sings along with the song as all three contestants write their answers, and Evil EJ moves to the other side of the stage.

Evil EJ (now next to the contestants): “Time’s up. Let’s start with Good EJ. And your question is who is my soulmate? That is incorrect. Let’s see how much you wagered…1400 dollars, leaving you with 100 dollars.”

Good EJ (depressed): “I should have known it was a trick answer.”

Evil EJ (moving along): “Gray EJ, let’s see your question. You wrote who is my little mouse?”

Evil EJ (narrowing his eyes): “That is correct. And you wagered…-1500 dollars, which drops your total down to zero.”

Evil EJ (giving Gray EJ a pleased look): “Excellent.”

Gray EJ nods at Evil EJ slightly.

Good EJ (wondering): “Wait. What?”

Evil EJ (continuing): “And last but certainly not least, Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha. Your question is who is my wife? And as we’ve already seen, that is incorrect.”

Evil Crazy EJ (indignant) “No, it’s not. Samantha is my wife.”

Evil EJ (patiently): “I’m sorry, Evil Crazy EJ, but we were looking for the best answer, not just a correct one.”

Evil EJ (angry): “It is the best answer! You know I’m Samantha’s husband, and she is my wife, Evil EJ! Don’t pretend that you don’t! Tell him, Samantha!”

Samantha: “…”

Evil Crazy EJ (nodding in agreement): “Exactly, darling!”

Evil EJ (keeps going): “In any case, let’s see what you wagered….five hugs.”

Evil Crazy EJ (explaining): “One for each of you and Samantha!”

Hero EJ (smiling): “How nice of you.”

Evil EJ (agreeably): “Indeed. And with a grand total of 300 dollars, Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha are the winners.”

Good EJ (arguing): “No, they aren’t. That’s invalid.”

Evil EJ (raising his eyebrow): “Do tell.”

Good EJ (combative): “He can’t write hugs down as his wager. He disobeyed the rules, and he should be excluded from the round.”

Evil EJ (tilting his head): “Judges?”

Carpe (disembodied voice): “Hugs are not a recognized form of international currency. Therefore, they are worth zero dollars, and Evil EJ is correct.”

Good EJ (whining): “You always side with him!”

Carpe (annoyed): “And there’s a reason for that. Objection overruled.”

Evil EJ (smiling): “You heard the lady. Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha are the winners. Congratulations! And thank you all for playing.”

As soon as Evil EJ finishes, confetti drops down from the ceiling.

Good EJ (fuming): “This is not fair…not fair at all.”

Hero EJ (trying to calm Good EJ down): “Unfortunately, life usually isn’t.”

Gray EJ (sighing as he looks around): “Jeopardy doesn’t have confetti.”

Evil Crazy EJ (happily): “We won, Samantha!”

Samantha: “…”

Evil Crazy EJ (hugging her): “It’s all because of you, sweetheart! You’re the best wife ever!”

Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha play with the confetti while the other four EJs congregate on the other side of the stage.

Evil EJ (relaxed): “It appears as though our loser has something to say. What is it, beauty queen?”

Good EJ (accusatory to Gray EJ): “You intentionally wagered negative dollars.”

Gray EJ (looking at him): “So? You wouldn’t have won anyway.”

Good EJ (pointing): “That’s not the point. You threw the game!”

Gray EJ (making a face): “Of course I threw the game! Do you know how long I spent coughing up those little houses after I beat Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha at Monopoly? And don’t even get me started on Candyland.”

Hero EJ (turning towards Gray EJ): “You’re lucky I know to how to intubate with a drinking straw.”

Gray EJ (nodding): “Exactly. And it’s not like I need the money. After that package exchange with Lucas went so well, I started my own shipping service.”

Good EJ (looking at the other two): “What about you?”

Hero EJ (waving his hand): “Money comes and goes. I don’t worry about it.”

Evil EJ (matter of fact): “Considering that I am not a total moron like yourself, I have plenty of liquid assets stashed away in several foreign countries in addition to my hidden American accounts. There’s more than enough for whatever myself, Evil Crazy EJ, and his Samantha could ever want.”

Good EJ (astonished): “So I’m the only one who needed the money?”

Good EJ (realization dawning): “This was your idea, Evil EJ. You told me I could help support Samantha and the twins with the winnings. You set up this entire game to get my hopes up and then see them crash and burn?”

Evil EJ (smirking as his face lights up): “And you didn’t disappoint.”

Good EJ (rolling up his sleeves and taking a step forward): “Oh, I’ll disappoint you, alright.”

Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha dance to the credits music as Hero EJ and Gray EJ restrain Good EJ while Evil EJ laughs.

One Flew over the Phoenix's Nest

EJ makes an amused face as he shows the Tarot card to Steve

Steve (closing his eye): "Would you stop that?! I can't help us escape if you keep giving me migraines, Squire."

EJ (laughing): "Oh, I know, Patch, but it's really your fault for making it entirely too much fun. Besides, I want to put that off until next week. I have an appointment with that cute criminal psychologist."

Wolves Get Very Bad Press

EJ and Sami are lying next to each other in their bed, basking in the glow of freely giving themselves to each other. EJ has his arms around Sami, and she is snuggled against him.

Sami (happily relaxed): “EJ, I have to tell you that you’ve impressed me so much. You’re great with the twins, you’ve been a wonderful husband to me, and now that we’re finally together like this, I can say that you’re one heck of a lover.”

EJ (raising his eyebrow): “Darling, a man is only as good as the woman beside him.”

Giggling, Sami looks up at EJ and smiles.

Sami (beaming): “I’m proud of you, EJ. I’m so glad you’ve changed. I’m so happy you’re finally that man I danced with on the pier.”

EJ (kissing Sami on the top of her head): “So am I…my little mouse.”

Sami stares at EJ in astonishment as a wicked grin spreads across his face.

EJ (whispering in her ear): “I liked this pretend to be good, decent people game very much, sweetheart. What do you want to play next?”

Restating The Obvious

EJ and Sami are sitting on the couch.

EJ (whispering in Sami’s ear): “You still love Lucas the way you love that inane television show you watch or that shade of dark nail polish you favor. You love me.”

Sami pulls away from him.

Sami: “All right, that’s enough. Stop it. What do I have to do to get it through your thick head, EJ? I love Lucas. Lucas and I are meant to be together forever. We’re soulmates.”

EJ leans back on the couch.

EJ (offhandedly): “Oh yes, you and Lucas are soulmates. Because he understands you in a way that no one else can and because he accepts you as you truly are. Oh wait, that’s me.”

Sami (knows he’s right but shoots back anyway): “That could never be you.”

EJ (ignoring her and continuing): “You see, I tend to get the two confused, my eternal devotion of you and his constant dehumanization of you since they’re so similar.”

EJ looks at Sami intensely.

Sami (getting annoyed): “You’re insane. Lucas and I are partners. We’re equals.”

EJ (gesturing): “Are you? Lucas is not worthy to lick dirt off your boots, yet you are the one who constantly has to apologize and grovel to him. Tell me how that’s equal.”

Sami (insinuating): “You’re the one who follows me around and begs me to love you, EJ. According to your logic, that means you’re better than me, is that it?”

EJ (matter of fact): “Of course not. It means that I am willing to do what he is not.”

Sami (snotty): “And what exactly would that be, EJ?”

EJ (looks at Sami openly): “Whatever it takes to make you see that we should be together. Not just because I love you, not because you love me even if you won’t admit it, but because with anyone else, you will never again get the chance to be who you truly are.”

EJ moves closer to Sami and places his hand on her shoulder.

EJ: “He’ll never let you out of your cage, Samantha. I’m the only one who will, and you know that.”

Sami: (lets EJ continue to touch her): “I don’t want to be free if it means I have to be with a monster like you.”

EJ: (noting the disconnect) “Certainly. The alternative is so preferable, eh?”

EJ gets up because he’s pressed as hard as he should at the moment.

EJ: “Well, I’d love to stay darling, but I really should look at those documents my lawyers keep faxing me. I trust you to amuse yourself.”

Sami (too coldly): “I don’t trust you at all.”

EJ (slight smirk as he leaves the room): “Of course you don’t.”

Thursday, January 31st, 2008

Ejami family :)



When Babies Attack.



“Crap, it’s Dr. North. I bet he wants to know what we’re doing in his cabin.”



“Samantha, it’s scientifically impossible for me to be hotter than I am in this shirt, and I resent any implication otherwise.”



“Let’s see, I was bedridden and barely alive back in July, and now it’s January, and I’m bedridden and barely alive again. Thank you so much, Days.”



“Hey, Lexie, remember last January when it was implied that I ran you and Tek off the road and buried your bodies in a swamp? Ah, good times, good times.”



“You turned what I had with Samantha into something...cold...something heartless.”
“That wasn’t me, Elvis, that was TPTB!”



“Are we ever going to get more screen time, little brother?”
“Eh, it’s the whole six, seven part Y&R style storytelling, you know? You’re lucky if you get five minutes an episode.”

The Grade:



“Normally I don’t like to give unsolicited advice, which is why I apologized for that whole Britney Spears thing, but Sami, you are stuck on stupid. Why do you keep blaming yourself for Lucas’ actions? Why do you keep chasing after a man who doesn’t love you the way you deserve to be loved and whose expectations you’ll never meet? Lumi is over. It’s dead. That dog won’t hunt. And contrary to what he may say, Elvis here, he ain’t gonna wait around forever for you, ‘specially when you treat him like some old shoe that you forgot to throw out. It’s time to get in the game, girl.”

EJ A+, Gianni and Ali A+, Lexie and Tony B, Sami’s shirt A, Sami D-.

The Shirt Off His Back

Cleaning up the living room, EJ catches Sami sneaking glances at him that he's not supposed to notice. He stands up and looks at her.

EJ (innocently): "What is it, sweetheart?"

Sami (alarmed): "Nothing."

EJ (raising his eyebrow): "Nothing?"

Sami (defensive): "No, nothing. I was just thinking."

EJ (interested): "About what?"

Sami (blushing as she covers): "Nothing in particular...the twins."

EJ (going with it): "Oh, is that all? Speaking of which, why don't I check on them, eh? I'm thinking of taking a nap later, so I'd like to help out before I do so."

Sami can't take her eyes off EJ as he pretends to yawn and then stretch his entire upper body, extending his arms to their full length above his head.

EJ (winking as he leaves): "Be right back, darling."

Redfaced and silent, Sami watches EJ exit the room, not seeing the smirk on his face. After a few moments, Sami follows EJ, and she nearly runs into him as he exits the twins’ room.

Sami (stopping short): “Is something wrong?”

EJ (coming back into living room): “No, quite the opposite, actually. They looked so peaceful I didn’t want to take the chance of disturbing them.”

Sami (understanding): “Oh. Well, that’s probably a good idea then.”

EJ (wondering): “I’m sorry for almost knocking you down, darling. Did you need something?”

Sami (slowly): “No, I just...”

Sami sighs heavily as EJ waits patiently.

Sami (giving in): “I know what I said, but I wasn’t really thinking about the twins…I was thinking about you.”

EJ (lighting up): “Me?”

Sami (matter of fact): “Yeah, I was thinking about your shirt.”

EJ (leading): “My shirt?”

Sami (awkwardly): “Yeah, your shirt. It’s…uh, it’s a good fitting shirt on you, and you should know that.”

EJ (false innocence): “I had no idea you were so interested in my wardrobe, darling.”

Sami (narrowing her eyes): “I’m not interested in you at all, EJ. I just thought you should know that that kind of shirt is the type of shirt you should wear…for future reference.”

EJ (mock seriously): “In that case, thank you. I shall file that away next to the knowledge of what brand of socks I prefer to wear.”

Sami (trying to convince herself): “I was just thinking about your shirt. I wasn’t thinking about you at all.”

EJ moves right next to Sami and lowers his head, placing his face a few inches from hers.

EJ (barely audible): “I know.”

Realization dawns in Sami’s eyes as EJ’s gaze bores into her.

EJ (evocatively): “Lucky shirt.”

Transfixed, Sami watches as EJ raises himself back up to his full height.

EJ (pretending to think): “I believe I’m going to take a shower before my nap, so I’ll see you later, eh?”

Not bothering to hide the even larger smirk on his face, EJ briskly walks away from Sami. For several seconds, Sami stands still.

Sami (eyes widening): “Dammit!

Sami turns around.

Sami (eyes widening as her voice gets louder): “EJ!”

EJ pretends not to hear her as he moves towards the bathroom.

Sami (running and speaking as loudly as she dares with the twins asleep): “Get back here, Elvis!”

At the mention of his given name, EJ slows. Sami catches up with him as he stands in the doorway of the bathroom. EJ turns to face her.

EJ (enjoying the tease): “Ah, with that you’re serious now, are you? Don’t I dare what, my dear? Take a shower? A nap? Perhaps both? What exactly is it that I should be doing, eh?”

Sami (gritting out the words): “Just because you are a very handsome man-”

EJ (mock surprise as he interrupts): “Am I now?”

Sami (pointing at EJ): “And I happen to find you…somewhat physically attractive…doesn’t mean anything is going to happen between us. Not now, not ever.”

EJ (nodding): “Of course not.”

Sami (nodding in response): “So we understand each other.”

EJ (leaning forward): “Perfectly, sweetheart. I have some work ahead of me if I want to get that somewhat up to irresistibly, so I better get cracking on that shower, eh?”

Grinning, EJ shuts the door in Sami’s face.

Sami (aghast): “EJ? EJ!!”

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

Upon taking her roses from the delivery person, Sami promptly comes over to EJ and throws the bouquet at him, which EJ swiftly dodges.

Sami (indignant): "You can't do this, EJ."

EJ (raising his eyebrow innocently): "Do what, sweetheart?"

Sami (angry): "You can't buy me flowers."

EJ (easily): "Oh, I can't, can I? Is there some sort of law against a man sending flowers to the mother of his son? Are you going to have your father arrest me for it?"

Sami (even angrier): "That's not what you meant, and you know it. You sent these to me because you think it will lower my defenses so I'll throw myself at you."

EJ (coolly): "I thought no such thing."

EJ bends down and picks the card up off the floor as Sami watches.

EJ (reading the card): "Dear Samantha, I'm sorry that the love of your life is imprisoned, and you're alone on Valentine's Day. I hope the love of your children can somehow make up for it. EJ."

Sami stares at EJ in surprise as he finishes reading.

EJ (tossing the card to her as he leaves the room): "I know my place, darling."

Sami watches EJ leave as a wave of sadness washes over her.

Sami (regretfully): "Yeah, I guess you do."

Reading the card for herself, Sami deliberates before calling out to EJ.

Sami (sighing): “EJ, wait.”

Having already rounded the corner, EJ turns around and comes back into the living room, waiting for her to speak.

Sami (hesitant): “The roses are beautiful, and I’m sure they weren’t cheap. I shouldn’t have thrown them at you.”

EJ (plainly): “It’s all right.”

Sami (looking away): “No, it’s not. It’s just that…I never expected things to be this way between us, and after everything that’s happened, I…I overreact sometimes.”

Sami (with difficulty): “I can see from the card that you weren’t trying to pull anything. You were just trying to be nice, and it’s not like anyone else bothered to do anything for me today, so I’m sorry.”

Understanding how hard it was for her to acknowledge that she was wrong, EJ simply nods in response.

Sami (awkwardly smiling): “Um, since I kind of ruined your gift, how about I try to make it up to you? I don’t really have anything I can give you, so we could do something together. Do you want to watch a movie on television or something?”

Sami (thinking of the least romantic thing they could watch): “I think I saw a Rambo marathon on cable when I was looking earlier.”

EJ (disbelieving): “You want to watch First Blood?”

Sami (defensive): “Is there something wrong with that?”

EJ (giving in): “Of course not, my dear, although I seem to have misplaced my bandana.”

Sami snickers at the aside until she notices that EJ has moved into the living room and bent to pick up the roses.

Sami (trying to stop him): “You don’t have to do that.”

EJ (shaking his head): “No, I paid for them, so I can clean them up. I think they’re mostly salvageable if I can just get them in some water. Why don’t you find the movie?”

EJ saves the flowers that he can and arranges them in a vase as Sami sits down on the couch and flips through the channels with the remote. She finds what she thought was the Rambo marathon only to discover that she was mistaken.

EJ (sitting down next to her as Sami stares at the TV): “Is it over?”

Sami (glossing over): “Oh, no, I just-”

EJ (looking at the screen): “Ah, I see. Rocky, not Rambo.”

Sami (nodding): “Right. I got the two confused. Both Sylvester Stallone, you know? So we can watch something else.”

EJ (folding his arms across his chest): “Yes, because wanton violence and torture is perfectly acceptable but boxing crosses a line.”

Sami (indignant): “That’s not why I wanted to watch it, EJ.”

EJ (glancing at the screen as he raises his eyebrow): “Well, if you’re such a big Sylvester Stallone fan we might as well watch this. It appears as though the first movie has just started.”

Sami (searching for an excuse): “I’m sure we’ve both seen this a million times already, EJ.”

EJ (hiding a smirk): “Some things are better the second time around, sweetheart.”

Sami (annoyed): “Okay, fine. We’ll watch Rocky.”

EJ (looking at the television): “Whatever you want, darling.”

As EJ and Sami begin to watch the movie, EJ is content with the knowledge of exactly why Sami objected, while Sami wonders if she is destined to be the woman at his side just as Adrian was for Rocky.

Turn The Page

Locked up in the Salem PD safe house together, EJ and Sami enter the residence’s living room after putting down the twins for the night.

Sami (pleased): “Well, EJ, they’re both asleep for now. Hopefully they’ll stay that way for a while.”

EJ (putting his hands behind his back): “And as we agreed, now that you don’t currently need me to help with the twins, I will be staying as far away from you as possible.”

Sami (eyeing him): “You better. There’s half an army waiting outside if you don’t.”

EJ (turning his head slightly): “I said I won’t try anything, and I’m a man of my word.”

Sami (challenging): “No, you’re not. And you need me to amuse you.”

EJ (standing his ground): “Actually, sweetheart, I’m perfectly capable of amusing myself. In fact, I brought a novel for just that purpose.”

Sami (disbelieving): “Sure you did. Go in your room, and stay there, EJ.”

EJ (turning to leave): “Certainly. Good night, Samantha.”

Sami (making a noise): “Night, EJ.”

EJ and Sami leave to their respective rooms. Once in her room, Sami sits down on her bed, turns on the television, and flips through the channels. Finding nothing interesting, she turns it off and rifles through her belongings in order to find her copy of Bazaar. Unfortunately for her a couple of minutes into the first article, Sami realizes that she’s already read it because she accidentally grabbed last month’s copy. She throws the magazine across the room in disgust and lies back on her bed. Needing something to distract her from the present situation, five full minutes pass before she groans, gets up, leaves her room, and barges into EJ’s without knocking.

Sami (bluntly): “So what’s this book of yours?”

Hiding his satisfaction at being interrupted, EJ sits up on his bed and holds up his book so that Sami can read its title, The Brothers Karamazov.

EJ (flippantly): “It was either that or The Cherry Orchard.”

Sami (squinting): “The Brothers Karamazov…that sounds familiar, but I can’t place it.”

EJ (shrugging): “Russian 19th century.”

Sami (unconvinced as she eyes the beaten copy): “You actually read this stuff.”

EJ (plainly): “Not as much I’d like to, of course, but yes.”

Sami (reasoning): “Stef-your father, he made you read these kind of things?”

EJ (mildly amused): “Originally, yes, but I am an adult, after all. Now I choose to read ‘these kind of things.’”

Sami (questioning): “No offense, EJ, but why? I mean, you’re hardly in school anymore. Why waste your time? Why not read something, you know, fun? There’s got to be a car magazine you’d like out of the hundreds out there.”

EJ (explaining): “I enjoy my subscription to Motor Trend very much, Samantha, but I don’t always read for pleasure. Sometimes I read to challenge myself. That’s the attraction of classic literature. I may not understand all of a work, and I may not even like it, but because it’s held up as some sort of standard, there’s something of value there that has stood the test of time. Take Hemingway, for example. Now For Whom The Bell Tolls is a considered a great work, yet I found it insufferingly boring and repetitive. The Spanish Civil War was horrible-I get it already. Yet A Farwell to Arms deserves all the acclaim it is given, in my opinion. Particularly the last couple of pages where…”

As EJ describes how he was moved by the end of the novel, Sami flashes back to the last time she was in a safe house and how she and the man she was with ended up watching a “Flavor of Love” marathon on VH1.

EJ (noticing Sami isn’t listening to him): “Samantha? Am I boring you, my dear?”

Sami (comparing the two experiences): “No, I’m fine, EJ. Better than fine, actually. I had no idea you were so interested in expanding your mind.”

EJ (encouraged): “I think everyone should be. Unfortunately, English classes in school tend to turn people off to reading these kinds of books or just plain reading in general. Too many teachers present the material as stuffy as or only meant for chosen people or some such when truly great literature is intended for all.”

Sami (nodding): “I see. Sounds good to me. So do I need to know anything beforehand?”

EJ (surprised): “You want to read it?”

Sami (taken aback): “Is there some reason I shouldn’t?”

EJ (trying to explain): “It’s really not your kind of book, sweetheart.”

Sami (insulted): “What, you don’t think I can handle it? That I’m too stupid to understand it? That you’re so smart because you’re reading it?”

EJ (apologizing as he holds up his hands): “No, no, Samantha, that isn’t what I meant at all. I meant that you aren’t going to like that it’s not finished. Dostoevsky had intended this to be part of a series, but he died before any more volumes could be completed. It’s very much an incomplete work.”

Sami (considering): “Oh, is that all. I can handle that.”

Sami (muttering under her breath): “It wouldn’t be the first time that something I enjoyed got cut off before it even got started.”

EJ (nodding): “Okay then. Here you go.”

EJ smiles as he extends his right arm and presents the book to Sami.

Sami (surprised): “Wait-what?”

EJ (confused): “You said that you wanted to read it. You need the book to do that, darling.”

Sami (trying not to sound eager): “I do, but that wouldn’t be fair to you. It’s your book. You’re the one who brought it. We should share it.”

EJ (not following): “Share it?”

Sami (continuing as she sits down on his bed): “Yes, exactly. We both need something to do, so we can both read the book. You start.”

EJ (happily accepting): “All right.”

Sami (nodding): “Good. It’s decided then.”

Sami (unconsciously edging closer to EJ as she eyes the book): “How many pages is this thing, anyway?”

EJ (hiding his excitement): “Depending on the typeface, over a thousand, usually. I figured it was an appropriate choice since we don’t know how long we’re going to be stuck here.”

Sami (eyes widening): “A thousand, huh? We better get going then.”

EJ (suppressing a smile): “Indeed, darling.”

With his Samantha listening at his side, EJ contently opens the novel and begins to read aloud.

Violently Happy

EJ opens his eyes and looks at the woman lying next to him, who has propped her head up in her hands waiting for him to wake up.

Sami (playfully): “You know, we are never going to do anything if we stay in bed all day.”

EJ (raising his eyebrow): “That assumes we want to do anything.”

Sami giggles as she moves and throws pillows at her husband.

Sami (laughing): “Silly! What can else we do in bed besides sleep?”

Clad in his blue race car pajamas, Evil Crazy EJ smiles at his Samantha, dressed in pink pajamas with lollipops on them.

Evil Crazy EJ (laughing too): “You’re right. You win, darling.”

Ready to start their day, Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha get out of their bed.

Evil Crazy EJ (playing with Samantha’s hair): “Do we want to get dressed? I don’t think we have to be anywhere.”

Samantha (considering): “No, we don’t have any formal plans today. Let’s stay in our pajamas. We can pretend we are having a sleepover at a fancy hotel!”

Evil Crazy EJ (lighting up): “That sounds like fun! What a great idea, Samantha!”

Samantha (pleased): “Thank you.”

Evil Crazy EJ (kissing her on the top of her head): “You’re welcome. You have so many good ones.”

Samantha (annoyed): “That’s sweet of you to say, dear, but no one else thinks so. I wish that you didn’t have to restate what I’ve already said all the time. Evil EJ is the only one who attempts to listen to me, and even then he sometimes doesn’t understand.”

Evil Crazy EJ (apologetic): “I know, sweetheart, but as I’ve explained before, they’re not as enlightened as I am. They believe women should be seen and not heard, so a truly equal partnership like our marriage is strange to them. And Evil EJ does try, so you keeping trying too, okay?”

Samantha (acquiescing): “Okay.”

Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha hold hands as they leave their room and enter the living room of the apartment. Evil EJ is standing behind the counter of the kitchenette while Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha sit down on stools in front of it.

Evil Crazy EJ (announcing): “Good morning, Evil EJ! Samantha and I want waffles for breakfast!”

Evil EJ (holding back) “Good morning to you as well, and I thought you might. After all, it is what you two have for breakfast every morning.”

Possessing a keen understanding of their preferences and routine, Evil EJ sets two glasses of chocolate milk and two plates of waffles in front of Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha.

Samantha (digging in): “Evil EJ is so thoughtful. He always remembers that I like strawberry topping on mine.”

Evil Crazy EJ (enjoying his food): “Yes, Samantha, he knows that I like maple syrup too. Evil EJ is a very good cook. Much better than what we are able to do in the kitchen.”

Evil EJ (dryly): “Actually, I thought your concept of substituting peanut butter for batter was rather ingenious. Pity the waffle iron did not share my opinion.”

Evil Crazy EJ (looking around as he eats): “Where is everyone else?”

Evil EJ (idly): “I believe Gray EJ is sleeping in because he stayed up late gathering our income tax information, and Hero EJ left early to do whatever it is that he does.”

Samantha (counting): “Me plus you plus Evil EJ plus Gray EJ plus Hero EJ leaves one EJ. One EJ is missing!”

Evil Crazy EJ (innocently): “What about Good EJ?”

Suddenly Evil EJ’s expression darkens, and he doesn’t answer.

Samantha (excited): “Maybe Good EJ went to the circus!”

Evil Crazy EJ (amazed): “You are full of fantastic ideas today, Samantha! I never would have considered that. Did Good EJ go to the circus, Evil EJ?”

Evil EJ’s eyes blaze intensely as he suddenly slams his fist down on the counter.

Evil EJ (seething loudly as he points): “Hardly! That testament to pure incompetence is with her right now! As if that’s the way it’s supposed to be! As if she belongs to him! He is with my Sama-”

Abruptly realizing how he sounds, Evil EJ cuts himself off and looks down for a moment before softly continuing.

Evil EJ (discontented): “Good EJ is busy. So it’s only me, I’m afraid.”

Evil Crazy EJ (unconcerned about Evil EJ’s outburst): “That’s okay. Samantha and I like you best anyway.”

Samantha (nudging Evil Crazy EJ as she finishes): “Yes, we do. Ask him if he wants to join us.”

Evil Crazy EJ (drinking the last of his milk): “Evil EJ, do you want to color with us? We will give you the crayons, and Samantha and I can use the markers. We think we have them figured out this time so there won’t be another incident. Samantha is still sorry about the wall.”

Samantha (nodding): “I didn’t mean to draw on it. My hand slipped after I taped my picture up when I still had to draw the rest of the pony.”

Evil EJ (declining politely): “Thank you for the offer, but you two go ahead.”

Evil Crazy EJ (trying again): “If you don’t want to color, you can still drink your orange juice and read the paper out here with us.”

Evil EJ (quietly): “No, I wouldn’t want to interrupt. You newlyweds have fun. I’ll be in my room if you need me before lunch.”

After Evil EJ leaves, Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha discuss the situation as they color at the coffee table in the living room.

Samantha (frowning): “He’s trying to hide it, but Evil EJ is sad.”

Evil Crazy EJ (agreeing): “Yes, I haven’t seen him this depressed since he was shot. I wonder what is bothering him so much. It takes a lot to hurt him.”

Samantha (wondering): “I don’t know, but we need to cheer him up somehow.”

Evil Crazy EJ (agreeing): “Excellent idea, darling! Now, how to do that…hmm…”

Samantha (asking): “When was Evil EJ happiest?”

Evil Crazy EJ (tilting his head): “A simple enough question to answer. Evil EJ was happiest when he was in charge before Good EJ showed up. He likes that so much because he’s smart, like how we like coloring a lot because we’re creative.”

Samantha (smirking): “Well, why don’t we just kill Good EJ then? With him gone, Evil EJ will be in control again.”

Evil Crazy EJ (sighing): “I wish we could, Samantha, I wish we could. He’s so mean to Evil EJ, always getting glitter on him and making him watch House Hunters. But you remember how Evil EJ explained to us that we can’t hurt the other EJs. Without every single EJ that exists, our entire personality will collapse.”

Samantha (shrugging): “Oh, I’m sorry, honey. I completely forgot. But just because we can’t kill him, doesn’t mean we can’t do anything at all.”

Evil Crazy EJ (thinking): “Good point. What do you propose?”

Samantha (smiling): “You will love it!”

Samantha leans over and whispers her idea in Evil Crazy EJ’s ear.

Evil Crazy EJ (with awe in his voice): “You never fail to surprise me. What a plan! We have to show Evil EJ. Let’s diagram it for him.”

When they are finished drawing their attack plan, Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha go over to Evil EJ’s room and knock on his door.

Evil EJ (from inside): “Come in.”

With his favorite instruments of pain decorating the black walls of his room, Evil EJ is sitting at his desk multitasking on numerous projects, surrounded by his laptop, The Wall Street Journal, blueprints, and various other business documents and accessories.

Evil EJ (looking up from his work): “Yes? Is the DVD player skipping again?”

Evil Crazy EJ (directly as they enter): “No, we want to talk to you about something else. Evil EJ, Samantha and I want you to be happy. We think you should be in control again, so we came up with a plan to deal with Good EJ.”

Evil EJ (intrigued): “Did you now?”

Samantha (nodding): “Yes, we did. Show him our idea, dear.”

Evil Crazy EJ (handing the attack plan to Evil EJ): “Here it is.”



Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha wait expectantly as Evil EJ examines the document.

Evil Crazy EJ (explaining): “You said we can’t kill Good EJ, so Samantha and I will put in him in a cage so you can be in charge again. We will make it pink because he likes girly stuff. The cereal is so he doesn’t die, and we decided to give him a friend so he isn’t lonely.”

Evil EJ is silent as he stares at the drawing.

Samantha (concerned): “He’s not saying anything. Is there something wrong with it?”

Evil Crazy EJ (worried): “Do you like it?”

The corner of Evil EJ’s mouth turns up as he looks over at Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha.

Evil EJ (genuinely touched): “How could I not? It’s brilliant. Such an inventive pair you are.”

Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha both grin in delight at the compliment.

Evil Crazy EJ (glad): “Samantha and I wanted to help.”

Evil EJ (smiling): “Of course you did. I must say, this idea of yours will dovetail with my plans nicely. So we’ll use your strategy after we have Good EJ in custody, and I’ll figure out how to get him there, eh?”

Samantha (agreeing): “That sounds fine to me, honey.”

Evil Crazy EJ (nodding): “Samantha and I agree. So when are you going to capture him?”

Evil EJ (relaxing): “Well, I have a lot of preparation to do beforehand, and I need to wait for the right opportunity. I also have to get the other two EJs on board.”

Samantha (considering): “That seems difficult. They like Good EJ for some reason. Why would they go along with this?”

Evil Crazy EJ (wondering): “Samantha wants to know how you are planning to do that. You don’t like Hero EJ, and Gray EJ only agrees with you half of the time.”

Evil EJ (waving his hand dismissively): “Gray EJ isn’t a problem. As long as I convince him that what I am doing is necessary for the collective good of our psyche as a whole, he’ll do whatever needs to be done. He’s quite reasonable, after all. And as for Hero EJ, I just have to force him to make a Faustian bargain.”

Samantha (puzzled): “A what?”

Evil Crazy EJ (just as confused): “Samantha would like to know what that is.”

Evil EJ (simplifying): “I will put Hero EJ in a situation where he will favor the present circumstances over the future consequences.”

Evil Crazy EJ (still confused): “How are you going to do that?”

Evil EJ (thinking about his Samantha): “I have several ideas. But that’s for me to worry about.”

Evil EJ sets the attack plan down on his desk in a prized position separate from all his other papers and turns back towards Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha.

Evil EJ (sincerely as he gestures): “I am extremely fortunate to have you on my side. You and Samantha have already contributed more than I could have asked from you. Thank you.”

Samantha (glowing): “You’re welcome!”

Evil Crazy EJ (beaming): “Samantha and I are so glad we could help! Please let us know if we can help with anything else.”

Evil EJ (truthfully): “I will.”

Samantha (prodding): “Ask him if he wants to watch TV with us later when we are done coloring.”

Evil Crazy EJ (obeying): “Samantha wants to know if you will take a break from your planning in a while and watch Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends with us.”

Evil EJ (laughing): “Of course I will. Bloo and I have a lot in common.”

Samantha (tugging on Evil Crazy EJ’s sleeve): “Go camping too?”

Evil Crazy EJ (hesitant): “We know you are very busy being evil, but Samantha wants to know if you will set up the tent in our room and go camping with us.”

Evil EJ (considering as he folds his arms across his chest): “I would, but plans don’t design and execute themselves.”

Evil Crazy EJ (pleading): “Please? Samantha and I very much enjoyed the story of how the cunning hookman triumphed over the stupid, annoying teenagers. And we haven’t said anything about you playing with us to anyone!”

Samantha (pumping her fist in the air): “Yes! It’s our secret!”

Evil Crazy EJ (looking at his wife): “Yes, Samantha! We tell no one that Evil EJ likes pretending as much as we do!”

Evil EJ (wryly): “I wouldn’t go that far, but, yes, I do enjoy spending time with you and Samantha. So how about for a little while after lunch?”

Samantha (nodding): “Okay!”

Evil Crazy EJ (agreeing with his wife): “Yes, we will let you finish your nefarious deeds first.”

Evil EJ (grinning in spite of himself): “Thank you. I appreciate it.”

Satisfied that they have accomplished their mission, Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha leave Evil EJ’s room and return to their coloring in the living room.

Samantha (thrilled): “I’m so happy we were able to help him out and make him feel better. He’s such a great friend to us.”

Evil Crazy EJ (equally thrilled): “Yes, and it was all your idea.”

Samantha (blushing): “You’re too kind. I couldn’t have done it without you, sugarbear. I never would have thought of the bunny.”

Evil Crazy EJ (insistent): ‘Yes, you would have. You’re amazing, Samantha. You’re the smartest, prettiest wife a man could ask for.”

Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha hug each other.

Samantha (looking up at her husband): “I love you, EJ.”

Evil Crazy EJ (looking down at his wife): “I love you too, Samantha.”

Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha kiss and lock eyes with one another.

Evil Crazy EJ (openly): “I am the luckiest man in the entire world to have you by my side.”

Samantha (slyly): “And I won’t let you forget it.”

Tuesday, January 22nd, 2008

“And I better take the twins to see the doctor and the beautician and-”
“Sami, what part of ‘hiding from my evil criminal mastermind father’ don’t you understand?”



“Yes, me zipping up a suitcase is the highlight of the episode. What do you expect before sweeps?”



“Oh, don’t worry, Lucas. The show isn’t interesting over here either.”



“And you chose a nice wallpaper for your computer, and you’re good at parallel parking and…”



“Lucas is sharing a cell with STEFANO DIMERA!”
“You keep saying that name as if I am supposed to have some sort of horrified reaction to it when the man is my freaking father Maybe the extra emphasis would work if he was a vampire, but as is, knock it off.”

The Grade: Textbook filler. Remove this, and you’ve lost no plot advancement or character development. And no, the suitcase wasn’t cute enough to make up for that C-.

Monday, January 21st, 2008

“You’ve done nothing to earn my trust, EJ. All those times you saved me from certain death in Carpe’s ‘EJ Is Heroic’ montage? Faked, just like the moon landings.”



“METALLICA! METALLICA!”



“The first rule of gun safety is never aim at anything that you don’t intend to shoot. So prepare to meet your maker, door. You’ve prevented me from interrupting Lumi even more than I already have one too many times.”



“My keen DiMera instincts tell me that it’s totally safe to open this because it isn’t a bomb or laced with anthrax or anything”



“Once a DiMera, always a DiMera. Speaking of which, Lexie says hi.”



“Sami, let’s talk about EJ in the third person even though he’s standing right next to us and can hear everything we’re saying.”
“Okay. Good thing he isn’t a sociopath because otherwise having him silently observe us would be a really bad idea.”

The Grade: I liked EJ taking the power position while still listening to Sami, and there’s few things hotter than a man with a firearm, but this totally nosedived after Abe showed up. Pre-Abe, B. Post-Abe, C-.