Wednesday, January 16, 2008


After spending time with his Samantha, EJ returns to his apartment and uneasily sits down on his couch, aware that along with several other things, it may not be his for very long.

Sinister Voice (darkly): “And here I thought complete lobotomies required some recovery time.”

Good EJ (wincing): “Dammit.”

Evil EJ appears from the shadows of his room and enters the living room, drink in hand.

Evil EJ (snidely): “Look at any good pop-up books lately?”

Good EJ and Evil EJ glare at each other.

Good EJ (already annoyed): “Don’t you start. I don’t want to hear it.”

Evil EJ (sitting down on the other end of the couch): “That’s unfortunate for you because you’re going to listen to every last word, sunshine.”

Good EJ (backing off): “It’s late. Everyone else is asleep. Can’t we discuss this in the morning? Please?”

Evil EJ (sipping his brandy): “Oh yes, let’s do this later, when we’re even more dim than we are now. Maybe after we’re unable to follow the plots on the Nick Jr. lineup. How does Dora manage to make it all the way to her abuela's casa with a map and her monkey friend, eh?”

Good EJ (apologizing and gesturing): “Okay. I get it, and I understand. I’m sorry we had to be so stupid today, Evil EJ. I’m sorry we had to believe that Stefano wasn’t capable of evil.”

Evil EJ (mocking): “Oh, really? Because we seemed rather happy about the realization to me.”

Good EJ (trying to be nice): “That wasn’t happy. That was our comprehension of our father’s unspeakable horrors.”

Evil EJ (leaning back): “You could have fooled me. I guess we’re already too dumb to tell the difference.”

Good EJ (irritated): “I don’t like this any more than you do.”

Evil EJ (pointing): “I doubt that. Very much. I think you enjoy every single second of this. You know why? Because this excuse, as puerile as it is, validates your entire worldview. TPTB are stating that we were always a good man, that we were so blinded by our love for our father that we were unknowingly corrupted. That we’re basically innocent in all this.”

Good EJ (begrudging): “You’re right, I do like that…a lot. Because it’s the truth.”

Evil EJ (seething): “I’ll mentally file that right next to unicorns and elves.”

Good EJ (continuing anyway): “But I agree with you, too. We don’t have to be this dumb for this part of the redemption to work.”

Evil EJ (finishing his drink): “No, we do. For us to admit that we were actually evil, well, that’s a road Days just doesn’t want to go down. A good person cannot willingly commit evil actions according to the morality rules of this show, much less relish the beauty of the experience as much as I do. So since they want us to be a good person now, that means we were never truly evil, just misguided.”

Good EJ (nodding his head): “I suppose you’re right.”

Good EJ (suddenly suspicious): “But if you’re telling me all this, does that mean you now accept this? You accept our redemption and me being in charge?”

Evil EJ (getting up): “Certainly not. But a leader has to know when to delegate. Why should I pretend to be a blubbering imbecile when you’re already one?”

Good EJ (hurt in his eyes as he pleads): “It doesn’t have to be like that, you know. You don’t have to keep undermining me in order to get control back. We could work together. We could come to an understanding.”

Evil EJ gets up off the couch, moves around it, and leans behind Good EJ.

Evil EJ (whispering menacingly): “If I were you, I’d understand that I should enjoy Samantha while it lasts, Boy Scout.”

Evil EJ pats Good EJ threateningly on the back before he leaves the room. Good EJ turns his head as he watches Evil EJ leave.

Good EJ (quietly to himself as he sighs): “Always.”

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