Monday, June 2nd, 2008

“My attorney is Elvis John DiMera.” No more Junior? Days, you and your incessant retcons.
“EJ 's not right for Nicole.” That’s my girl, Chloe!
“I can't believe I've never done this before.” You did, EJ. In Mexico. Damn you, Days!
“Oh, EJ, I could really be falling for you.” Oh, Nicole, I’m sorry you got stuck with this expositional dialogue. Show, don’t tell, show.



“Okay? I'm gonna tell Samantha that the annulment is null and void.” Which is a silly plan. Okay?
“She's gonna be very happy because she did not want to divorce me.” No, she did not. That was for Ali.



“No, but, you see, she won't find out because only you and I know. Nobody else knows, see?” Uh, I’m fairly sure the government keeps track of those kinds of things. Moreover, wouldn’t you have to legally remarry her at some point because of it? I mean, it’s not like you care about being above board, but it’d make things easier.
“I would never tell you because you are trouble.” It’s okay, EJ. No one is perfect. And this way, you’ve indirectly gotten the ball rolling to destroying your stupid friendship with Nicole, so it’s a mistake that will have a positive outcome.
“It's a secret. It's like classified, yeah, like you can't tell anybody. Otherwise, it'd be bad. I'd have to do bad things.” Oh, yeah, baby! Let the bad things commence! And I love how EJ phrased this and nodded several times as if there were no other option-of course he have to do bad things. What else would he do?



“I have a family. I never had a family. My whole life, it's all I ever wanted-a family. Never had a family. My dad didn't have a son. He had a soldier, you know? That's how I know, see? That's how I know we're meant to be together 'cause we're very alike, Samantha and me.” Exactly. You both have been denied unconditional love by the people who should have given it to you the most.
“Don't you think Lucas feels likewise?”
“I mean, I don't know. He was in prison for a long time. Can turn a man's head, maybe. But I don't think he loves me.” Ah! A joke! Thank you, EJ!
“I'm not worried about Lucas. Lucas is some sniveling little boy. He's a boy. He doesn't even know how to look after her.” No kidding. Sami is the man in Lumi. She’s always the one who saves him.
“Samantha is a woman.” And you’re the only one who recognizes that.
“Not so sniveling, if you ask me. He put a bullet in you.”
“Yeah, in my back.” So why did Sami say to Lucas that he missed? Argh!
“Like a coward. And don't think that I have not forgotten about that.”
“Well, I thought you said you did. I thought you told Sami you forgave him.”
“Sure, of course I did, to woo her, to win her. Please, I'm a DiMera. We don't forget that kind of stuff.” Oh, I am liking this. More bad things! And I love the pseudo-shooting body language too.
“EJ, do you honestly think that you can plot and plan your way into real love?” He always has, Nicole. The only difference this time around is the show is going to let it actually work.



“I'm really sorry that EJ 's making a scene with Nicole at your restaurant.” How is laughing quietly at a private booth in the back of Chez Rouge making a scene? You’d think EJ was dancing on a table here or something for this sort of reaction.
“I care about Johnny's father embarrassing himself in public. What would he think?” Hey, Lucas embarrasses himself every moment of every day. I couldn’t even bear to watch the Lumi today because of him.
“Maybe I should tell you what our little EJ 's up to.” Oh, Nicole, you ignorant slut. I cannot wait for the Son of the Phoenix to show you what he’s made of. He wasn’t kidding about the bad things.

Grade: B. Again, seriously. Ignore the drunk dancing and the lime sharing and concentrate on EJ’s glorious evilness and love for his Samantha. It could have been so much worse; he could have actually slept with Nicole, you know. Plus, it was hilarious when he threw part of that centerpiece. I love you, Evil EJ. Even when you’re totally drunk.

To Free the You that's Running Through

It’s nearly midnight at the DiMera mansion, and Sami comes down the stairs and enters the living room. EJ is in front of the fireplace dressed in all black. Seizing the initiative, he looks at her powerfully. Seeing EJ against the otherwise dark room, Sami feels a shiver climb up her spine as the illusion shatters and sees him as the evil man that he truly is. Sami gasps.

Sami (shocked): “EJ? No, EJ-I thought-I thought, you said-”

EJ (openly as he interrupts her): “You know who I am.”

EJ grins sinisterly.

EJ (chuckling): “You've always known.”

Terrified, Sami tries to turn around. Having none of her antics, EJ moves towards her, grabs Sami, and pulls her close to him.

EJ (playing with her hair): “We've come a long way, Samantha. I think its time for the next step.”

EJ stares at Sami intensely.

EJ (leaning in): “You know that I will always accept you as you are. Now it’s time you do the same for me.”

EJ kisses Sami roughly. She tenses for an instant and then responds to him, melting into the kiss. Wanting to be more comfortable, they move upstairs and demonstrate their love to each other. Afterwards, Ejami is in bed together, and Sami is considering EJ warily.

Sami (tense): “I don’t know who this is."

EJ (playfully): “I seem to recall you having met him before.”

Sami (trying to understand): “So it was all an act? All your ‘I’ve changed, I’m a better person now?’”

EJ (considering): “More like an invitation. You weren’t ready. I tried the hard sell before, and it just set us back.”

Sami (imploring): “EJ, I didn’t sign on for this.”

EJ (disagreeing): “Yes, you did. You wanted me to free you.”

Sami (shaking her head): “No, I didn’t. I thought you changed.”

EJ (tilting his head): “You did, but now you have-don't tell me you don’t prefer this.”

Sami (unnerved): “Prefer what? I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe you did this.”

EJ (indignant): "What? Lied to you? I had to, Samantha, I had to in order to get you here. You are finally free-you know you are happier this way."

EJ moves closer to Sami.

EJ (looking into her eyes): "No more pretending, no more hiding…you can be who you truly are."

Sami (horrified): “'And who is that? The woman you planned me to be?”

EJ slides up next to Sami and traces her face with his hand.

EJ (explaining): “The only way I could convince you of anything, sweetheart, is if there was the desire there to begin with.”

EJ (firmly): “You stood by the door, Samantha. I just helped you open it.”

My One and Only

Ejami has been showing their love to each other for some time. EJ is clearly more fatigued than Sami, yet he’s massaging her. Sami notices his exhaustion and puts her hand out towards him.

Sami (stopping him): “Um, EJ, that’s really nice, but I’m kinda tired. Would it be okay if we could just cuddle for a while?”

Surprised, EJ looks at Sami wonderingly.

Sami (encouragingly): “I’d really like it.”

EJ (lighting up): “Oh, okay. Sure. Of course.”

Sami pulls EJ towards her and wraps her arms around him. More than happy to be held, EJ does the same and snuggles against her.

EJ (closing his eyes): “I’m glad I can make you happy, Samantha.”

Sami (smiling softly and stroking his hair): “So am I.”

Pleased, Sami lets EJ fall asleep against her.

Sami (softly): “I’m glad I can make you happy too.”

Always a Bridesmaid

EJ walks up to Nicole right before the Ejami wedding is supposed to start.

EJ (not happy): "Where's Samantha, Nicole?"

Nicole (denying it): "Sami? I have no idea where she is. I've been getting everything ready for your special day this entire time. It's just like her to be late. No respect for other people."

EJ (eyes narrowing): "What did you do with her?"

Nicole (gesturing dismissively): "With Sami? I didn't do anything with the little tramp. Guess she decided to bail on you-aarrrgh!"

Nicole stops speaking as Evil EJ has clamped his hand around her neck.

Evil EJ (whispering threateningly): "I'm only going to ask this once. What did you do with Samantha?"

Nicole (struggling to breathe): "Linen closet."

Evil EJ (letting her go): "Thank you. Now get out of here."

Nicole (petulantly): "But I just got here! I'll miss the drinks-I mean, the reception!"

Evil EJ (pointing): "Out!"

Seeing the rage in Evil EJ's eyes, Nicole follows the command and runs away.

Ejami Lovemaking Solidarity Banner

Did you enjoy the Ejami lovemaking scenes? Feel free to use my banner wherever you'd like.

More EJ and Ejami Motivational Posters

There Ain't No Heroes Here

Lucas: "Evil EJ! Evil EJ! I'm not imagining it, he's out there! Don't look, he's not out there now. He turns into Summer EJ whenever anyone might see him, except me."

Evil EJ and His Trusty Steed Nightmare

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Owp2Rjio-Q

In the eyes of a DiMera
The unsuspecting Brady
Had better know the truth of wrong from right

Cause the eyes of a DiMera are upon you
Any good you do
He's gonna see

When you're in Salem
Look behind you

Cause that's where the DiMera’s gonna be

Thursday, May 29th, 2008

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” “I’m not being deceptive about Samantha if that’s what you mean.” Oh, sure you aren’t.



“I think he’s going to end up in a halfway house somewhere making brooms or something, and instead the guy is living in my house.” That’s right, EJ, your house. And yes, scheming is both an art and a science. You have to ride the tide.



“I’m going to be the perfect father to my son, the perfect gentleman to her, and the best friend she could ever want to have” “And in the end she’s going to end up in my bed, and Lucas is going to be left outside.” Woo hoo!
“But I can tell you I'm gonna show Samantha there's more to life than that poison dwarf.” Oh, most definitely.
“Look, I treat her completely differently than Lucas does. I treat Samantha like a woman. He treats her like the little schoolgirl that he started seeing all those years ago.” You are correct, sir!
“Look at their relationship. It’s completely volatile. They’re basically the same person, just a bundle of raw nerves and energy.” While I don’t agree that Sami and Lucas are the exactly same, I totally agree with the point you’re making here about their natural temperaments, EJ. Sami and Lucas feed each other’s anger and insecurities; that’s why Lumi always been a more off than on relationship.
“And you are all easy charm and affable manipulation.”
“Precisely.” It’s the textbook definition of covert Evil EJ!
“I’m just going to show Samantha that I’m a lot more of an adult than Lucas is.” Not a hard task, EJ. Not a hard task.
“I can’t take her away from him, so I’m going to have to get her to come to me.” Yup. You already tried the hard sell this time last year; now it’s time for the soft sell. Summer EJ front all the way.



“But where would we find a woman to sleep with me?” Oh, how I laughed at this line.
“If I was not in love with Samantha, I would sleep with you in a heartbeat.” Yes, Evil EJ likes the ladies, and he has a loose definition of lady as that apparently includes Nicole. But none compare to his Samantha.
“It might send her running into Lucas' arms. She does kind of hate you enough to then hate me, you know?” EJ is a smart, smart man.
“It’s not gonna happen.” Yes, EJ, the show has changed. Back in the day, that’s exactly what would happen. You’d sleep with Nicole while still chasing Sami. Sami and Lucas would reconcile and stay together. Eventually you’d give up and start calling Nicole your soulmate because this show idiotically used to think that settling was somehow romantic and not abjectly depressing.

Grade: B-. I cannot believe that this is what everyone got so bent out of shape about. EJ is barely flirting with Nicole here. Compare this to him with Kate or the bar chick in Mexico. Anyway, EJ was cute getting plastered but what really interested me was how insightful he was. As if we needed any more proof that this is covert Evil EJ. He encourages Nicole to disparage Chloe so she can marry Philip for his money, insults Lucas, nails the Lumi dynamic, and states that he going to make Sami choose him. Ah, evilness. Who needs golden or fairytale couple? It’s so much more fun this way.

Wednesday, May 28th, 2008

“I'd like Sami and Lucas to have some time alone.” As if it’s any of your business, Marlena.
“Because it was the right thing to do, Marlena. The same reason that I told you why John was alive” and “No ulterior motives.” Oh, Evil EJ plays the game so well!
“I was wondering if you were happy that Lucas walked in on you and Sami in bed.” Of course he wasn’t. Dude, EJ wanted to cuddle and fall asleep together. He was enraged-that’s why he threw the pillow!



“The funny thing is Sami and Lucas have always somehow found their way back together.” It’s almost as if someone wrote it that way, isn’t it?
“Well, let me ask you this-would you ever consider giving up on John?”
“No, I wouldn't.”
“Okay. Then I'm not giving up on Samantha, either.” Exactly. My loathing aside, John and Marlena was an unexpected couple and not a planned pairing; that’s why he was initially Roman for a while and then John was with Isabella. Now in our case EJ was always supposed to be the Stefano to Lumi’s J&M, but the end result is the same. In both cases, the better man broke the original set in stone pairing.
“Marlena, I have no intention of, uh...interfering, if that's what you're talking about. I would like Samantha to choose me, but I would like her to do it of her own free will.” Yup. Now you’re going to manipulate everything else around her and influence her free will, but it will be Sami’s decision.



If you pause the show and read the screen, there’s actually an entire story about how E.J. Wells also known as E.J. Wells DiMera also known as Elvis J. DiMera was indicted for fraud. Thank you, Days. I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who cares that you bothered to write all that and remember that EJ was using a different last time at the time, but I appreciate the extra attention to detail.



“What did she do now?” and “Sleeping with EJ, not your best move, Sami.” This along with Marlena not believing EJ can make Sami happy just proves Roman and Marlena are the absolute worst parents ever. Did either of you two ever think that maybe Sami is so insecure because all you two do is treat her like an incompetent thirteen year old girl? It’s a self-fulfilling prophesy.



“I can’t believe we’re going to be living in EJ’s apartment now. Remember last May when I broke down the door with a power drill?”
“Yeah, that was good times, sweetness. Speaking of Squire, I think he left some of his stuff here. I found this box, and I thought there was a bunch of papers inside, but now that I look at it, I think it’s actually a bunch of cards-AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Grade: B-. I’m glad EJ didn’t back down with Marlena, and watching S&K live in EJ’s old apartment is unintentionally hilarious. He has to come visit them.

Tuesday, May 27th, 2008

“You're gonna be able to help him, won't you?” Says it all, really. EJ is the one Sami trusts to take care of everything. And warming up to Jawn, huh? Not the only DiMera you should be appreciating, Sami, especially when he looks so fine in his demonic suit.



Brady who?



That’s right, wait until the most opportune moment to make your dashing entrance. It’s a lot easier to eavesdrop on Lumi here than the apartments, eh?



“Here, my part's already signed. Have a nice life.” Completely ignoring silly real world issues like a legal annulment being different from a church annulment, this impacting EJ’s immigration visa, and so on and so forth, I’m glad how quickly and harshly EJ handled this. It’s what Sami thinks she wants, and even though she browbeat EJ into marrying her to end the feud, she still blames him for it. Annulling their marriage doesn’t remove an unfair advantage for EJ, it removes the eight ball Sami’s put him behind.



“I recognize you from your photograph in the paper.” Of course you do, EJ! You love your paper. And Eva is a lot like Chelvis. Not bad.



“Lucas. . . you do want us to start over, don't you? I want us to have a future together. And if you want that, too, you just have to find a way to forgive me and move on.”
“Lucas, everything was so great with the twins. When we were playing with them, wasn't it just perfect?”
“There is nothing standing in our way now. You are the love of my life, but you seem to have some trouble believing that. Give me a chance to prove it. Please? Let me prove it to you.”
Oh, look. It’s every single conversation Lumi’s ever had. Talk about an infinite loop.



Out of the myriad of talents EJ has, one of the ones I am simply amazed by is EJ’s ability to flashback to events that he wasn’t even physically present for. He had already left the room by the time Sami signed the annulment papers, yet he’s able to recall it with complete clarity.



“I'm not giving up. Not giving up.” Good boy. I know how much it hurts, EJ. I know.

Grade: EJ’s demonic suit A, EJ B+, Eva B, Phloe B+, rest F. Seriously, Sami is choosing the loser convicted felon confined to house arrest over the awesome lawyer making the big bucks with his double and quadruple billing?! What color is the sky in your world, Days?

New EJ Clip on Hulu

It's May 29th where EJ is drinking with Nicole at Chez Rouge. Ignore her, watch him.

Monday, May 26th, 2008

Now this is how you drink evilly. Philip, take note. And of course EJ doesn’t care about the commotion down at the docks. He has thinking to do.



“Enjoy the demonic suit while you can, Carpe. I’m barely in this episode.”



“You're the love of my life. There will never be another you. I thought you knew that.” Never mind those fourteen years I spent chasing after your sister.
“Thank God you missed.” So we’re retconning Wheelchair EJ then? That would be a good thing as that means the bullet is no longer stuck in EJ’s back. Permission granted.



Oh, what I would not do for Bricole right now.



“What about EJ's insane acts? Mr. Rapist-that's not insane?”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odcJ-vS22rI

Mr. Rapist
Bring me post traumatic stress disorder
Bum bum bum bum bum

But seriously, Days, don’t get cute. Leave it alone! It won’t heal otherwise.

“You are a very resourceful person. You could have found another way to take care of that. But you didn't, did you? I mean, you're attracted to him, right? So when he gave you the ultimatum, you just took it and you ran with it, because that's what you wanted the whole time.” Given the lovely nickname you just gave EJ, this means you are blaming Sami for being raped. Bravo, Lucas, I think you’ve achieved a new level of stupidity.
“I was just trying to hurt you.” As always. Makes you feel important, doesn’t it?



“Half a million worth of cocaine.” Talk about a smack in the face that Days’ morality laws have been repealed. Even General Hospital is clear to reiterate that neither Sonny nor Jason approve of drug trafficking.



“I warned you over and over. I told you how he works. He's a snake. He worms his way into your life... takes over your heart. The next thing you know, Sami, he got to you,” “The guy is a manipulative, destructive son of Stefano,” “It's probably another DiMera trick or something, Sami” and “He was doing it for you-to impress you, to soften you up so he could seduce you even more.” What do you know, Lucas and I are on the same page when it comes to EJ. Yes, that is exactly what Evil EJ is doing, and it is glorious.
“Lucas, he didn't seduce me...he didn't trick me...and he didn't manipulate me. I wanted him.” Yes, Sami, but EJ put you in the exact position where you would open yourself up him. He set you up.



Jawn the Pawn, complete with Kung Fu action grip!



“Drugs? In one of John's containers? Really? What are you talking about? No, I am not smiling widely-I was trying to hold a sneeze back.”



“Whoa, Elvis.” Another on the “Let’s call EJ Elvis” bandwagon. See who else you can convince, Nicole.
“Nicole, for the last time, I am not going home with you, all right?” You tell her, EJ, especially since home for her is the Kiriakis mansion with Victor and Chloe and Philip which would be rather awkward.



“He was so sweet and adorable and loving.” And what does it say that Evil EJ is a warmer man than you are, Lucas?
“I just want you to understand that EJ has changed.” You just keep thinking that, Sami.
“He was compassionate and patient and tolerant and understanding, and he was so good with the twins.” Evil EJ is a wonderful husband and father.
“I don't want to hear about your sweet, tender rock.” Sweet, tender rock? I guess EJ is pumice then, although obsidian or scoria also work.



“I do have feelings for EJ, but they will go away if you and I start over. Because no matter what...you, Lucas, you are the love of my life. You always have been. And I just am begging you to give me the chance to prove that to you, to prove to you that I mean what I say.” Too bad for Lucas that you’re a pathological liar, Sami, because you never mean what you say. But good for EJ and yourself.



“EJ isn't the only one who's changed.” Yes, Heroine Sami is finally dying.
“You're acting like a complete fool. You're falling for his scam.” Go Evil EJ’s diabolical plan!
“It's not a scam.” Yes, it is. And it’s lovely.
“It is a scam. He's playing you, just as he always has, but this time it's working, isn't it?” Yup. Gotta love those direction changes. Scheming to win the girl never would have been allowed to actually work before.
“No, I don't think we can get back together. I don't think we can start over.” Die, Lumi, die!

Grade: C. Barely any Demonic Suit EJ, and watching Lumi is painful. Seriously, it’s 2000 or 2002 or 2004 again. Sami’s “screwed up,” Lucas won’t forgive her, and Sami’s got to grovel to win him back until she inevitably does something he doesn’t like again, and the pattern repeats itself. Time for EJ to break the cycle.