Monday, July 14th, 2008

Days, if you are trying to make me hate this outdoor set, you’re succeeding. You guys should start taking donations. I’d help out for something more interesting.



“Do you call your mommy every time you have sex?” Honestly, I don’t know what’s creepier here, that Chloe might actually do this or that Nicole went there and pointed it out. Ew.



“And in that instant, Inspector Poirot knew he had a new case.”



“Lucas would never do that.” Because Lucas never does anything wrong, right?
“It's true. Lucas and I had sex last night.” I wouldn’t be so proud of that, Chloe.
“You're lying.” Why would anyone lie about that? Ew again.
“If you don't believe me, just go ask Lucas.” Because he’s so truthful, isn’t he?
“You know what? You have been two-timing Lucas ever since he got out of prison.” No, she hasn’t been. She’s been chasing after Lucas, and he’s been leading her on.
“I needed a friend, and so did Lucas. Lucas called me because he was very upset. He overheard EJ and Nicole talking. EJ told her that you admitted to still having feelings for him.” This plot sounds even stupider when you say it out loud!
“He's a grown man. What was I supposed to do?” Run, Chloe! RUN!!!



“No, you ignored him and treated him like dirt.” Since when? Sami’s bent over backwards for Lucas. He emails her telling to move on and then gets all bent out of shape that she did so? Give me a break.
“You've been playing Lucas and EJ like puppets, having them dance around while you come and go, trying to decide which one to cut loose.” Um, no, she dropped EJ like a bad habit.
“You know what? It's time you face it, Sami-you have no one to blame but yourself!” It’s okay, Sami. You can just blame the writers like I do.





“What was that combo again? Left, left, right, left, kick, punch?”



“You're the one who drove Lucas to me because he found out that you have feelings have for EJ.” Oh, B.S. Lucas has been leading Sami on this entire time.



“I do not have feelings for EJ!” It’s not a spell, Sami. Saying it over and over again doesn’t make it come true.



Double the suck! Sorry, Chloe, but Sami is my number one girl.



Everyone loves punch and pie!



Insert your own joke about “licking” and “EJ” right here.



“All right, ladies-or should I say children?” Oh, come on, EJ. You can do better than that. That’s not even mildly amusing.



“What is wrong with you? Do you care about anybody else other than yourself?” Where to start, and no, not at the moment.
“I wonder who the first person you would have called would have been if you got arrested and charged with assaulting Chloe.” Mickey Horton?
“Did you know that Chloe and Lucas had sex the same time you and Nicole were going at it in the elevator?” Ugh, don’t remind me!
“But the fact of the matter is she certainly didn't force Lucas to have sex with her.” No, that’s what you and your Samantha do.
“I'll tell you what she didn't do, okay? She didn't take that ankle bracelet off Lucas' leg. He did that all on his own. And he sneaked out of the house all on his own, and I bet it wasn't the first time he skipped out.” Exactly.
“Lucas slept with her because of you.” No, Lucas slept with Chloe because he’s a moron.
“Of course. My fault. Everything's my fault, isn't it, darling? I should have thought of that earlier.” Blaming you is a trend with her as you very well know.
“That you have some feelings for me? Oh, boo hoo.” That’s it? Weak sauce, EJ. Weak sauce.
“Well, luckily, I'm cured of that forever. Just so you know, I'm taking the twins and moving out of the mansion tonight.” No, you’re not.



“There goes the woman of your dreams. Aren't you gonna run after her?” Thank you, Nicole, and thank you, show. Please have Nicole pimp Ejami more. It’s metal to my ears.



“So I was all oh wow, and he was all like really? I’m all really really, and-”



“I'm not a DiMera anymore. I'm a Brady.” Haven’t you ever watched a mob movie? You ain’t getting out of this, Sami. Not ever.



I think I see Daniel’s problem here. Chelsea is clearly Kate’s clone.



“EJ, my life has been a train wreck since the day I met you.” And that would be different from your life before how?
“I should be living in my apartment with Lucas, raising my children.” Yes, Lumi was the plan originally. Fifteen years of tru luv, only to get accidentally derailed by the DiMera interloper.
“Instead, I'm stuck in this haunted mansion with a bunch of freak-show rejects, and Lucas is on his way back to prison!” Happy days are here again!
“You brought this upon yourself.” No, that was the writers who approved this craptacular summer storyline, EJ.
“Samantha, you can want it all you like, but the life you're looking for is never coming back.” Exactly. Direction change!
“I know exactly why you slept with Nicole. You were trying to get even with me.” Yup.
“I am taking Johnny and Ali and getting the hell out of here, and there is not a damn thing you can do about it.” Sami, have you met EJ?



“Actually, you're wrong, Samantha. There is something I can do. In fact, I've already done it.” EJ’s motto is the same as the Boy Scouts. Be prepared.
“This is a court order. It, uh, forbids you from taking Johnny from our home until a custody hearing.” Our home, eh? Someone still thinks of Sami as his wife.
“Our home? This depressing place is hardly our home.” I *heart* the DiMansion myself.
“I'm sorry, Samantha. But, uh, I'm doing everything I have to do to keep my family together.” Yup. It’s time to play hardball.

Grade: B. I did not care at all for the food fight as Sami isn’t thirteen, but we are moving in the right direction here Ejamiwise and Nicole was barely in this, so I’ll be generous.