Evil EJ Reviews Monday, September 8th, 2008

“Yes? Carpe? Slow down, darling, you’re even more incoherent than usual. No, I haven’t watched the show yet, I had to take Evil Crazy EJ and Samantha to Best Buy to pre-order the new album by that insipid band you three like. Yes. Yes, I am going to insult Metallica in front of you, and I-wait, what? Again? Damn. No, no, don’t apologize, I understand. I’ll take care of it. This requires a firm hand. You’re welcome. I’ll talk to you again soon. Goodbye.”



So I hear due to the “writing,” and I use the word extremely loosely, my unfortunate better half is currently infecting the show with his insidious goodness and unwavering stupidity. Let’s survey the damage, shall we?



I see that in order to better camouflage himself, my archnemesis has attempted to imitate my dress and facial hair. But it’s not going to work, Good EJ. The vacant look in your eyes gives you away, not to mention the weak body language.



“The reality of the situation is that you and Lucas are no longer together. The judge took everything under consideration, and he decided to award joint custody. You don't have a choice but to comply with the court's decision.” Yes, because we care so much about laws, don’t we, Pansy EJ? Upright citizen fulfilling the bare minimum that is expected of us in order to maintain the thin veneer of an excuse we call civilization, eh?
“I understand the concept of sharing custody, okay? That is not what I am fighting about. Just...the idea of packing her up and carting her off. It's just not right. I have a terrible feeling about this.” Ah, yes, let’s borrow dialogue from Star Wars because George Lucas is known for his wonderful cadence, isn’t he?



“Look, Samantha, I understand this is difficult for you, but it's not like you lost complete custody of Ali. I think the judge's decision was fair.” You would, you pathetic maggot.
“Well, I don't. I have a really bad feeling about this. I have a bad feeling about her being taken away from me, even for a weekend.” As well you should, Samantha.
“Okay, but you need to understand-this is out of your hands.” Only because you have feet of clay.
“No, it's not. I'm not being unrealistic here. I am being cautious, and I don't understand why people can't see that.” They are weak, unwilling to protect what’s theirs.
“Well, frankly, I don't think that anybody quite understands where you're coming from.” I do, and I’m more than certain the audience does. Try to keep up, old chap.
“It's about doing what's best for her. And I don't think taking her away from everything that is familiar to her is what's best, especially the way it's happening-pulling her away from all this stuff so harshly. I just think she won't understand.” An entirely logical and valid concern.
“I think she's more like her mother than you think.” She’s wonderful.
“Well, that's not exactly comforting. I mean, look what happened to me in my childhood, with my fathers coming and going with no reasonable explanation. My mom was taken from me and then miraculously brought back. All of that completely messed me up. I wasn't exactly a poster teen for mental health.” If you had been, you wouldn’t be the woman we love, sweetheart.
“Samantha, if you don't want to upset her, just do your part. She'll take a cue from you, you know? It's about time you start trying to make things better instead of making them worse.” Indecent cretin. That is your job as the head of the household. We protect our woman and our offspring.
“What is that supposed to mean? What exactly could I have done to make things better?” How about kneeing Little Miss Sunshine here in the groin?
“Well, to start off with, you could have stayed married to me.” Oh, the pantywaist thinks he can go there, does he?



“What I mean is, I think things would have turned out differently if you and I were still married.” The demo wouldn’t have dropped to 1.2 again, that’s for certain.
“How would being married to you have helped my case?” Him? Not all. Me? In every way conceivable.
“Besides, I don't need you or Lucas. I can take care of and provide for my children all by myself.” It’s a nice sentiment, my dear, but a very unrealistic one.
“How? Samantha, you don't have any viable income. You don't have a permanent residence.” Don’t forget the horribly spotty job history.
“Not to mention the fact that Lucas is an ex-con, for God's sake. I'm sure the judge really considered that little gem.” If I were in charge, the judge would have only had to consider which ocean he would have his private island surrounded by.
“The judge would have to consider that little gem, but he would also have to consider things like the difficulties that you had with Will.” Let’s not think about young William more than we have to, shall we?



“You need to be realistic. This is about the most natural thing in the world.” Nature is for us to rise above, Pansy EJ.
“What is?” Exactly, darling.
“Two parents who don't live together coming together to raise their child. I don't know why you can't understand that.” She understands just fine. She just doesn’t agree, you patronizing git.
“Look, I don't care what you say. I'm not giving her up. I won't do it.” As well you shouldn’t, Samantha.
“Samantha, Lucas is her father.” Yes, let’s acknowledge the “rightful” place of the worthless loser who nearly murdered us and left Ali to wander outside by herself.
“Samantha, I couldn't love Ali any more if she were my own, you know? That's why I went to such great lengths to try and keep our family together.” And by “I” you mean me, Strawberry Shortcake.
“Oh, that's right. By lying about the annulment and getting a court order so that I can't leave this nuthouse with my son.” Our home is not a mental institution, sweetheart.
“Samantha, I did those things to help you.” Of course we did!
“To help me? Have you lost your mind? You think it was helping me to keep me held hostage here? I still can't take my son out of this house. Do you realize how twisted that is?” But in such a wonderful way. Johnny, you, us. One happy evil family.
“Samantha, my motivation has always been you, doing what I can to protect those that I love.” Yes, we did what was necessary.
“That is not love, EJ. That is control. You think I'm a control freak? You are the worst.” Ah, but my dear, love is control. I would think you would know that by now.



“Ali's a baby. I'm her mother. No judge in the world is gonna take her away from me.” Not if I had anything to say about it, anyway.
“The second thing is that after you file, you need to be a perfect model citizen, which means not plotting and scheming. Don't give me that innocent look.” Why don’t you ask our beloved not to breathe too, cupcake?
“What do you expect me to do-just wait around for the courts to decide what's best? It could take months for them to sort out this mess.” All the more reason to take matters into your own hands, sweetheart.
“All right. After you file, you need to understand that every move that you make- everything that you do-is going to be subject to the scrutiny of the courts. I know how you are...and I'm telling you-I'm not gonna have you pulling any of these stunts around Johnny.” Oh yes, heaven forbid our son get a head start on learning the manipulative skills he needs.
“No. I'm telling you you need to remain focused and you need to act responsibly. And if you don't...you're gonna force me to choose Johnny over you.” Idle threats from someone as timid as you are, Pansy EJ, not that you should ever say that to our Samantha anyway. We do not compromise on our family. Ever.



If only my father were to have inappropriately have shown up here. That would have clarified things rather quickly. Alas. Off at the links again, I suppose.



“The judge called. You knew this was coming, Samantha. Lucas' official time with Ali starts now. You have to let her go.” No one makes our Samantha do anything but us. Situations like these are why firearms were invented.



You do know that instead of attempting to comfort Samantha and then leaving her to her own devices which will inevitably fail, you could take matters into your own hands and fix this entire situation. But that would be wrong, and we can’t do anything even slightly bad now, can we? You inflexible worm.



Here we are at the end of today's show, and after such a sickening travesty of supposed "justice," even I need a drink. In summary, my beloved Samantha is currently performing her best impersonation of a thirteen year old girl, and we are an impotent brain dead automaton. Lovely. Thank you, Good EJ, and thank you, Dena, for such a stunning display of storytelling ineptitude. Keep it up, my dear, and you won’t have a show to ruin.

The Pretty Crappy Week of September 1st, 2008, in Review

Tuesday



“Pompous idiot!” Stefano, you can’t say that and expect to get anywhere, brainwashing or no brainwashing.

Wednesday



The worst part about being in a waking coma for Stefano? Missing his daily allotment of Diet Mountain Dew.



“So, Elvis, I am told...that you are working for John. Is that true?” Yup.
“I'm working for Mickey Horton's Law Firm. John's a client.” What? Um, that’s not what happened a few weeks ago. Sheesh, don’t mind me, Days, I just watch the damn show.



If Days were a sitcom, Stefano would be the hardworking single parent trying to make ends meet, Tony the belligerent teenage son, and EJ the quiet boy who obediently does his homework at the kitchen table.



“As soon as I win custody, I'm taking my daughter out of this pit of human degradation.” Dude, that just makes the DiMansion sound even cooler! And push Luloe harder, show, please.



“I hate to say it, but it appears from the script the show is even worse tomorrow.”



“While we're talking about it, Samantha and I are extremely comfortable, as are the twins.” Yes, the DiMansion is lovely, isn’t it?
“Face it, Father. EJ and I have every right to be here.” Actually, you don’t, as it is his house.
“You two have no idea what you are doing.” Well, that’s more of the writing’s fault, Stefano.
“Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that. See, we've learned quite a lot watching you.” I bet, EJ.
“Ah, yes. Elvis, my observant son. I'm sure you have. But, you know, I'm not worried, because the bottom line here is that Stefano DiMera will win one way or the other. So...here is to my sons. Go ahead. Bring it on.” Yes, shall we?



“Say what you want, but I am perfectly innocent. And I dare you to prove otherwise.” Exactly. No proof, no crime, baby!

Thursday



I’m thinking this injunction required some illegal maneuvering on EJ’s part. Neither he nor Tony have any legal claim to live in a house they don’t own.



“The DiMera fortune, huh? Well, heaven forbid that my two sons would have to fend for themselves.” Stefano does have a point here. It’s not like Tony or EJ built the damn thing.
“I would like to speak to each of you one-on-one.” Talk about horrible exposition. Ugh!



“I am so disappointed in you, Elvis. Of all my children, you were the one that I felt closest to.” Years of intentional conditioning tend to do that.
“Really? That would probably explain why you kicked me out, then, eh?” He was mad, EJ.
“No. See, you have a choice, son. I would be a very happy man to have you here. But it would require certain concessions on your part.” Man, Stefano is rusty. Concessions? Dude, sell it as benefits! You get to be an unquestioning solider, and it’s totally awesome!
“Selling my soul to the devil? No, thank you.” Two days in Salem time, and we’ve gone from “Father” to this? This kind of instant reversal with absolutely no transition is why I can’t take you seriously, show. It’s damaging to EJ’s characterization when you don’t build up these sort of moments. It makes him look bi-polar. Sigh.
“Is that really the way you see me, Elvis? After everything I've done for you?” Blame the writing, Stefano. Blame the writing.
“Why not, hmm? I mean, look at you. You're this master of manipulation... just incessantly controlling my life, Tony's life. Well, I'm sorry. Legacy or no legacy, when I grow up, I don't want to be like you.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9bMjzhipTk

I don’t want to grow up
I’m a Toys ‘R Us kid



This allusion better mean something or it’s a waste of a perfectly inventive shot.



“I want you to consider seriously about your future, eh? Imagine the three of us working together, like a magnificent triumvirate, huh? Because the possibilities are unlimited. Now, despite whatever you may think, I have worked very hard for everything that I have. And nothing would give me more pleasure than to be able to share the fruits of my labor-our labor-someday. But...it cannot happen unless we have your unwavering loyalty.”
“By which he means we'll continue to be his little puppets.”



“When I was with Samantha, there's a part of me that felt like I was cheating on you. Strange, isn't it?” Not really. The show has to keep this “triangle” going somehow.

Friday



I do not like these frames for Sami. Ug-ly.



“Samantha, you're a wonderful mother.” EJ loves to complement Sami.
“I just don't want to lose her, EJ.” Of course not.



“Are we, uh-are we gonna talk about what happened in the stairwell?” And here EJ goes again. It’s reassurance time!
“I thought we already did.” Yes, you did. But not from his point of view.
“Samantha, a few words quickly exchanged immediately after the fact hardly constitutes a conversation.” It does between emotionally healthy adults, EJ, but you don’t qualify as one of them, do you?
“What are you talking about? We were open and honest with each other about our feelings.” Exactly. But that’s not enough for him. You get to talk about it again! Isn’t fulfilling EJ’s incessant emotional needs fun?
“Okay, but now that a little bit of time has passed, there's been a little bit of distance between it, I'm just gonna ask you again-do you regret it?” Because EJ needs to hear it again. He needs continual external emotional support which is why he brings this stuff up all the damn time.
“No.” Good. That’s what he needs to know. Don’t tweak when he asks you again either.



“Then I would force Lucas to choose between me and Allie, and I don't want to lose him.” Make him choose you, Chloe!



“Look, EJ, I like you a lot. And I think we could be really good together. But I'm losing my patience, so you better figure out what you want, and you better do it sooner rather than later.” Oh, I think he already knows, Nicole.



Of course joint custody isn’t acceptable. Lucas sucks.

Grade:



Not that you ever had it to begin with, Days, I’m just saying.

I mean, thank goodness the show is starting to suck again. I was concerned after that great hospital storyline that Days might actually build on it or something. Instead we get the junior high lunchroom Ejole/Ejami/Lumi/Luloe mess, and the DiEmpire plotline reduced to wrist-slitting dialogue like “when I grow up, I don't want to be like you.” Nothing is getting resolved anywhere, and it’s horrifically boring on top of it. Talk about taking ineptitude to a new level. Soaps may move slow, but they move. This is the same crap that’s been going on since May! No wonder the ratings are already tanking again. And EJ, if being your father’s solider means you’re completely devoted to your Samantha while being your own man means you say sickly sweet nothings to Nicole, ruse or no ruse, well, perhaps Stefano was right after all.

The bottom line? We need Evil EJ back, and we need him right now.

Friday, August 29th, 2008

That’s Casual Evil EJ for you. Sami hasn’t asked for his help yet, and he’s already telling Mickey how worried she is about Ali.



“And how ridiculous is that? That we just sat back and allowed this con artist to call the shots, a man who knows nothing about our family. He's just an added blemish to the name. And with him running things, how do you expect any of us, including your son, to ever become respected citizens of this community?” Sheesh, tell us how you really feel, Tony. You are quite the gray character now, aren’t you?
“John's done nothing but make a mess of things, but I told you I would take care of this.” That’s so not what happened in your stairwell convo last Friday, but whatever.
“Right now, the only person that he thinks is any kind of threat is Father. He thinks I'm on his side.” He’s not the only one.
“Take a more assertive approach. Why hide what we're after? Stand up and claim what's rightfully ours. Hence our moving in-step one.” I like boldness as much as the next chick, Tony, but that’s the wrong approach here.
“Tony, you're forgetting about one rather large impediment. Father.” Bingo!
“But I think we both know he's not gone from our lives forever. I mean, this is Father, you know. He's laying low. He's watching. He's waiting. He's biding his time until it's safe for him to return.” Exactly. EJ knows his father.
“Which won't be for a long time, if ever. So, you see, he can't possibly be a threat or even an impediment to our cause.” Tony does not.



“Let’s see, strega, cigars, champagne, opera recordings, Metallica’s new “Death Magnetic” CD, “The Sopranos" on DVD-wait, what?”



“I don't think it's a joke at all. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Father was on his way here” and “I don't know. I sincerely doubt that he sent all of this stuff just to have a laugh at us.” Ah, Evil EJ, you already know that Stefano was in the mansion yesterday, and you’re not sharing that knowledge with Tony. Excellent.



“This is about standing up for what's right, turning this family around and not just or me or us, but for the whole family as well-for Alexandra, for little Johnny, for Theo. And getting that ruthless, arrogant android out of this place-this place that should be ours.”
“Oh, and EJ’s home, too. Let's not forget about him.”
“Oh, I haven't forgotten about him. But one thing at a time, darling. One thing at a time.” Ah, Tony’s picked up on Evil EJ’s evil intentions for the DiEmpire. But seriously? Tony, Tony, Tony…you really think Evil EJ is going to let you run things? Not to mention Stefano? He likes EJ a lot more than he likes you.
“Oh, excuse me. Yes, DiMera residence.” Dude, does anyone not on a television show actually answer the phone like this?

Grade: B+. Yes, there was a lot of Tanna, and I’m always up for the dialogue to improve, but I’m loving how this is shaping up here. John vs. Tony vs. EJ vs. Stefano in the ultimate grudge match! And EJ is playing all three sides! Totally sweet! I’m very pleased with Evil EJ’s chosen strategy here, especially since John treats EJ like his slow learning part-time Wal-Mart associate, and Tony is treating him like a useless kid brother he can’t wait to ditch with all the “follow my lead” and “you and I have to get a few things straight.” Neither of them respects him, which EJ knows since he’s not being honest with either of them, just telling them both what they want to hear. I approve of the stealth. Let them both think you are on their side, and then after they’ve tired themselves fighting it out, take it all for yourself. The bottom line is John and Tony are going about this all wrong. Underestimating both Stefano and EJ is a grave mistake. While things may be “not good” between EJ and Stefano right now, their goals are much more compatible with each other than John’s Blackening of the DiEmpire and Tony’s zeal to restore the family name, and they don’t even have to work together to make a joint impact. Either EJ or Stefano is going to come out the victor here, and neither of those scenarios bode well for Tony or John. As for EJ vs. Stefano, well, I need more information. Whatever serious issues there are between them, EJ loves his father, and he’s still susceptible to Stefano’s influence to due to his extensive conditioning. Yet he will choose Sami and the twins over his father. So we’ll see, won’t we?

Monday, August 25th, 2008

Still no outfit change? It’s official. This one day in Salem took nearly three weeks on screen.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcNUx0-XEfw

Yeah, I can't watch this
Look, show, I can't watch this
You better bury Lumi
Before the ratings tank again
I can't watch this



“I'm sorry. This is just getting to me, too. Here, come on. I'm sure it's gonna be fine. It's gonna be fine.” Little moments like this are why Ejami is so compatible. Emotionally, they need reassurance, so EJ hugging Sami is very comforting for both of them. Highlight of the episode.

Grade:



Ejami A-, rest F. The two seconds of Ejami were lovely. The rest? Not so much. Do I know that in Salem time Lumi broke up only two days ago? Yes, yes, I do. Do I care? No, no, I don’t. It’s not my fault time is wonky on the damn show. I don’t need to see more Lumi, and only on a soap could someone with Lucas’ criminal and substance abuse history have a shot at any sort of custody. He has no case-Stefano isn’t going to take Ali or Johnny. They’re not in Sami’s old crappy apartment anymore; they’re living in his mansion, exactly where he would want them to be in order to raise them as proper DiMeras. Seriously, Days, now that the excellent hospital crisis is over, you need to keep up the momentum. Hurry this stuff up. The ratings are just going to drop again if you don’t.

Ejami Stairwell Kiss

Ejami finally made the Week in Review photos again, and this one is lovely.

Clothing Lovemaking Solidarity Banner

Did you enjoy Ejami time in the stairwell? Feel free to use my banner wherever you'd like.

Friday, August 22nd, 2008

So to Tony it’s “That fact that he seems to considers himself to be rather invincible,” “I'm not entirely sure if our father's legacy is something that I really wish to continue,” and “John has been pretty good to me.” But to his father earlier in the day, it’s “I've always rather felt you were indestructible,” “I did not betray you,” and “I have my own reasons for wanting John destroyed.” Tony, Tony, Tony…you know EJ here about as well as Lexie does, apparently. He likes that the DiEmpire is evil, and he loves Stefano. Anyone not named Sami, Johnny, Ali, or Stefano should never ever trust EJ. Damn, EJ is smart. Letting Tony think he had to con EJ into this totally leaves him underestimating EJ. “Honest power?” No such thing.



“There are some very important papers in here, all right? I will need them later on.” Dare I hope the show remembered Ali’s paternity results? And Stefano wearing an all black suit now means he’s even more evil than last time as he wore white shirts with his black suits then.



“You're not the only one who's on shaky ground when it comes to romance. It’s almost as if we were on a soap or something.”



“So, this is the famous stairwell, huh? Or should I say infamous?” Sheesh, they only have so many sets, Nicole. Lay off.



“What's that? EJ DiMera at a loss for words?” And jokes.
“Are you in love with me?” EJ wants to be loved more than anything.
“No, I am not. I didn't say that.” Of course Nicole totally doesn’t get that. It’s all about her.
“You have quite the ego. Actually, I find you pompous, kind of stuffy.” It’s called class, Nicole. But you wouldn’t recognize that if it bit you on the butt.
“You know, you're not even my type. And by the way, I don't even blame Sami for what happened.”
“Good, you shouldn’t. It's not her fault. Go ahead and blame me.”
“I was getting there. It is all you.” No, it’s not, and you saying it is just reinforces his worldview as an abuse victim. Did Sami blame EJ when he apologized to her? Of course not. She’s starting to catch on.
“You know, my first impression of you...was that you were in a class all of your own. I was dead wrong. You are a prototype, EJ.” Archetype, Nicole! Ugh!



“It's just not the same as it is with somebody else.” Yup. Better. She’s your Samantha.
“I'm a liar? I've never lied to you.”
“When have you not?” Nicole is totally right here. It is what he does.
“How about when I told you that I cared for you and I told you that I had feelings for you?”
“You know what, EJ? Is that supposed to make me feel better? I mean, you made out with Sami in the stairwell, and 20 minutes later, you have the gall to announce your half-baked feelings for me?”
“They're not half-baked. I care about you very much. I think you're wonderful. I think you're fantastic. I love being in your company. We've talked about the situation with Samantha. It's difficult. She's the mother of my child, and that means a lot to me. It means maybe more than it should mean.” Not really. You’ve always wanted a family.
“No, no, it doesn’t. It doesn't mean-you don't even know what you want, EJ.” I gotta disagree with you here, Nicole. You see, EJ is asking you to emotionally support him, which is different from his romantic love for Sami. He didn’t mention you once to Sami, yet brought up Lucas several times over. Right now he wants you to reassure him because he can’t do it himself. That’s what he’s saying. You aren’t listening.



You know, I went from uncontrollable rage at Ejole yesterday to amusement at Ejole today. Why? He looks like he’s about to cry, and she yells at him? For the second time, EJ’s shown his true emotional self to Nicole, and she’s immediately recoiled, dumped him, and literally run away. EJ is an open wound, and it’s way too much for Nicole to handle. Now she keeps coming back because she thinks these moments are exceptions to the rule, so it’s going to have to happen at least one more time for her to see that they are in fact the norm, that EJ’s always going to be like this. Being with him is to be drowned in his neverending need for constant reassurance and emotional intimacy. The only woman who can handle that for very long is Sami. With EJ, she’s not smothered, she’s special as she finally gets to be first after all these years. They truly are a perfect match.



“Yeah, well, to be frank, I never found much to admire about the man.” Me neither.
“You know, he and Marlena, they make quite a pair-malevolent, destructive. Well, vengeance will be mine, Rolf. And it will be sweet.” Oh, someone who hates J&M even more than I do!



“Of course I do. I am going to raise up a whole new generation of DiMeras, Rolf. More powerful and invincible than ever.” You keep forgetting prettiest, Stefano.
“The vendetta will live on, you see, in the next generation and generations after that.” And here’s the heart of it. Technically with Colleen dead, the vendetta should be over. But it’s never been about Santo and Colleen or John and Marlena or whoever; it’s always been about Stefano. Dude’s a bad guy. Since he’s a sociopath, he likes messing with people. Having a vendetta just gives him an excuse to do so.



EJ is not built to support himself emotionally, and as such, you can hear in his voice how drained he is here between Sami admitting she cares about him, Stefano waking up, and Nicole dumping him again. And unlike, say Nicole, Sami notices and gets the stuff out of the car, gets a bottle for Ali, and puts the twins to bed herself. She’s totally starting to understand what he needs, even if she’s not aware of that yet.



“Thank God for these two, eh?”
“Are they both asleep? Oh, they're so peaceful looking.” Happy Ejami family!



“This upset you-this broken chess piece. Why?” I did not like the phrasing of this. We can see that it’s broken, sheesh.
“It's the queen. You know, Stefano used to call my mom the Queen of the Night? I mean, this was his-you don't know about any of this?”
“No.” I buy this. EJ would have encyclopedic knowledge about the Bradys otherwise, but not about Stefano’s love life.
“This is Stefano’s doing. I mean, this proves that he's been here in this house. But you knew that, didn't you? That's what you thought when we first walked in, isn't it? You-you knew he had been here. Admit it.”
“Samantha, we don't know anything for certain.” Oh, you most certainly do, EJ.
“What we do know is that this place is no longer safe. Obviously Stefano has been here, and we have to get the kids and get the hell out of here right now.” As a unit!



“Okay, so, to us...standing strong against the forces of an evil, deceitful, egotistical woman who, for some unknown reason, is able to get decent, intelligent, sexy men-one with a really cute British accent-wrapped around her little finger with no trouble at all.” And there’s your mistake, Nicole. EJ is not a decent man.
“Yes, it was just a crush.” Yes. An extremely annoying one.
“You know, and as much as I detest Sami, I blame him for succumbing to Sami's charms or whatever the hell it is he succumbed to. And I told him, too. I told him how disappointed I am in him. Disappointed-I'm furious with him, I mean, for making me believe that I could trust him, and then he turned his back on me.” *shakes head* You don’t understand EJ at all, Nicole. All he’s done is help you, and the instant he asks you for one of the few things he needs in return, you berate him and run away. Twice! Just admit to yourself that he smothers you, that he needs what you will not give.
“Ugh, there's no need to do anything.” Good, less for me to fast forward.
“Sami always eventually shoots herself in the foot. I mean, has she ever been in a happy relationship? Has she ever made anyone happy?” Before she was always chasing men who truly wanted someone else. That’s not the case with EJ.



“Wait? For what? For Stefano to come back and kidnap our child?” Not what he’s going for this time around, Sami. Otherwise he would have done it already and not bothered setting you two up in the stairwell.
“Let me take care of this. I'll talk to John, and I will double the security measures on the house.” Considering that people just keep walking in whenever they want, I’d suggest you start with an automatic deadbolt on the front door.



“Samantha, I'm not gonna let you or those twins out of my sight, but I am not going to run away. My father does not drive my family out of our home.” Exactly. EJ does love Stefano, but Sami and the twins do come first. Yet the fact that he won’t run away with them shows what EJ is really going for here. No more settling. “Our home” and “my family” indeed.



“Okay, EJ, Look, I understand how you feel.” More progress!
“I do, but this isn't our home.” Ah, but it is. Daniel has your apartment, remember?
“Come on, it's John's, right? He inherited it from Stefano. Let them figure it out. Let's you and I get the kids and get the hell out of here.” As a unit again!



“The police? They're so ineffectual when it comes to my father.” Along with everything else. Oh, how I miss Officer Chuck so.



EJ chose to finish Stefano’s drink. Tony, you are so screwed.



“John's not gonna be the master of this house for very much longer.” Oh yeah baby!
“What does that mean?” Good times, Sami. Good times.
“There's the happy couple.” Yes, they are!
“Lucas, would you do me a favor and go back from wherever it is you came from?” Another prime insult opportunity totally wasted. Arrrgh! And I can’t take Lucas seriously with that really fake injury on his face. Not that I ever could, I’m just saying.

Grade: Ejami A, EJ and Tony B, Ejole C. Seriously, don’t worry about Ejole. While it’s entirely annoying to sit through and sadly not over yet, EJ’s going to keep unintentionally scaring away Nicole just by being himself as he’s much too much emotionally for her. And with Lucas popping up here, it’s clear that originally we would have had Lumi and Ejole for months as Ejami fought over Johnny. That would have taken forever and killed the show in the meantime, which is why TPTB axed the Ejami custody fight and had Stefano hasten Lumi’s demise and move Ejami forward with clothing sex. So now we’re getting a vastly shortened version of the same plot with Lumi being kept open by a technicality at this point (Ali’s paternity), and Sami almost at the point where she’ll keep EJ away from Nicole. Sami’s never had a problem getting her man; it’s been keeping him that hasn’t stuck as she was always their second choice. But EJ is different. Unlike Dallas, Brandon, or Lucas, she is the woman of his dreams…his Samantha. Once she gives herself completely to him, it will be as he said last February, “you and I are bound together forever.” She just needs to step up, love him, and completely support him emotionally, and she’s starting to do so bit by bit. And I’m loving how the DiEmpire stuff is coming along with EJ playing multiple sides. He wants Sami and the twins, his father, and the DiEmpire all on his own terms. Way to go for the brass ring, EJ!