Thursday. March 7th, 2008

*heart* OH HE IS SO CUTE!!!! ^_^ *heart*

Me thinks TPTB took our “shades of gray” request literally.



“You say "tomayto." I say "tomahto." I think we should just call the whole thing off.” Ah, so much set up for so little payoff.



“Ketchup is made of tomatoes.” True, but as a refined product, ketchup is mostly sugar.



“Charm just rolls right off my back.” Cool it with the hard sell, dude. EJ is taken.



“I'm married to Sami. That's a full-time job, I can tell you.” Yes, but you’re married to Samantha, darling.



“I'm actually no longer a DiMera.” Days, having everyone and their mom repeat this over and over is inane. Yes, EJ is. His lineage is still DiMera, even if he no longer has access to the criminal empire, and he’s USING DIMERA AS HIS FREAKING LAST NAME.



“You were married to Lucas Horton when you got pregnant with twins-one of them is E.J. Dimera's, and one of them is Lucas Horton's. That's not usually how it's done in Washington.” What, when the White House hits up the Supreme Court, they don’t have both a House and Senate?



You know this next part is important because the extras are reacting to it.



“Someday if you are extremely lucky, someone will love you half as much as EJ loves me.” While it was very gratifying to see Sami admit this fact aloud, the most moving part of this scene was EJ’s expression change as he realizes what Sami has just said. The look of surprise in his eyes was lovely.



You know, you guys should just go to The Olive Garden next time. Hour and a half wait time? Dude would never find you.

Grade: B+. Seriously, I had to stop watching this several times to giggle. I love Good Ejami, but they are so lobotomized compared to their darker counterparts. “I think I have the situation pretty much in hand” when EJ did absolutely jack in that direction and Sami saying “Oh, EJ, this is far from over” when there’s no reason why it would be is hilarious. Break out your gluesticks and construction paper, kiddies, it’s glitter time!

Tuesday, March 4th, 2008

“It's a very interesting look you have this morning. It's kind of a postnatal bohemian...thing.” Yes, Sami’s look is very Hot Topic meets Delia’s. And you wake up in the morning well refreshed, come over to your beloved’s at your leisure, and insult the mother of your children? The dark gray sweater you’re wearing may have fooled Days’ morality radar, but not me with a line that beautifully harsh. Welcome back, Evil EJ. Oh, how I have missed you.



“Well, I'd like to think that my law degree might finally be good for something.” What, does it have an expiration date on the back? It’s not a coupon, EJ. And keep not mentioning that you’d have to get a separate annulment for the Church, okay?



“But I'm not a DiMera anymore, am I?” Yet your last name and lineage say otherwise. “I've been disowned, you know? No more power. No more influence.” Ah, I see we’re back to Gray EJ already. No one disrespects Evil EJ’s authority.



“Just the idea of you working a regular job is hilarious.” Now, Sami, just because the show thinks that EJ’s careers as an international race car driver and CEO of Mythic Communications were jokes doesn’t mean you have to, especially when you’re mooching clothing off of him.



“Maybe I won a bake-sale competition.” Let me guess, double brownie botulism cupcakes with mercury frosting?



“This sucks.”
“Samantha, this a little bit more than sucks.”

Days, this is how I talk, not how EJ and Sami should speak. There’s no need to be overly formal, but this is too casual for them.



“I mean, I'm married. I have a wife. I have a child. I have a family here. This is ridiculous.” OH NOES!
“Can't you just use the fact that your son is an American and that you're married to me to get you a visa?” ZOMG!

Look, Days, I understand it’s hard to write characters scheming, really I do. But this stuff just makes EJ and Sami look like they have room temperature IQs. Those Guinness ads were infinitely more brilliant than this.

Grade: A-. Tighten up the dialogue and the plotting, and we’re almost there.

EJ Is Violent

This is the second Sony board requested video I've done, and yes, I made a montage about EJ waving a gun around to a song about committing drive-by shootings. "Bad Habit" by The Offspring is one of their best songs, and it's a perfect fit for my beloved Evil EJ even if it's not to everyone's liking.

Friday, February 29th, 2008

First glitter, now whiteness everywhere. Good Ejami, you are trying my patience.



It’s the gray longsleeved t-shirt with the electric orange piping! Sweet!



I’d complain about this outfit, but it’s obvious Ali was sick when they shot this. I hope she’s feeling better.



“So where’d you go to law school, EJ?”
“Why, online, of course. And let’s pretend that we don’t need a separate annulment for the Church because that would be distracting, eh?”



Dude, I almost fell into a coma trying to listen to this. And it didn’t even make any sense with the boring lawyer saying that Stefano already axed EJ from his will and then John later remarking “I'm sure the old man would have cut you out eventually.” PROOFREAD YOUR WORK, DAYS.



“Did he, now? That's interesting. I wasn't aware that my father was dead.” And “I think my biggest mistake was telling Marlena, actually, that you were alive and letting her know where she could find you. Anyway, you can thank me for that later.” Ah, how nice to see you, Gray EJ! And dark gray at that. Tell Evil EJ I say hi.

Grade: Gray EJ A, Sami exempted, Ejami B, rest C.

Thursday, February 28th, 2008

Heh.



“I was wondering if you could have a short, awkward redemption conversation with me. It will only take a moment, which makes me wonder why we’re even bothering, but whatever, TPTB.”



James does a great Irish accent, but I agree that Sami’s scenes were shot separately because of scheduling conflicts with The Biggest Loser, and unfortunately, it ruined the scene. The juxtaposition of EJ feeling uncomfortable at first with him toasting could have been interesting, but with Sami stuck off to the side, it just doesn’t work. The Anti-Brady who is finally accepted by her family is alone in the back while the DiMera who was doing Very Bad Things as recently as two months ago is the center of attention?

Grade: Eh. Tanna B, rest C-.

Local Salem Commercial Break

Did someone else intercept the murder weapon that you idiotically sent to yourself? Have the police finally connected the disappearances of all those homeless people? Are you looking at spending many years behind bars because your freezer truck malfunctioned? Then contact Elvis DiMera, Evil Attorney at Law.



I know what you’re thinking, darling. How can a guy with a law degree suddenly retconned into his background properly defend me, and as an Englishman, how would I even know American criminal law? One word: experience. It’s because I’ve personally been in your situation myself and beaten the system every single damn time. Here’s a short summary of the crimes I’ve allegedly committed and never went to prison for:

• stalking
• arson by proxy
• bribery
• contracting without a license
• public drunkenness
• extortion
• assault of a police officer
• conspiracy to commit murder
• attempted murder
• organ harvesting
• corruption of a minor
• littering
• slander
• breaking and entering
• and many, many more!

Not only was I never convicted, none of these unfair accusations even made it to trial. As far as the law is concerned, I am an outstanding pillar of Salem’s community, and with my help, you will be too.



And I’m not alone. Once I take on your case, my other four personalities will be working round the clock to exonerate you as well. Good EJ will be by your side 24/7 for all your comforting needs. Hero EJ will spend hours combing over every single detail of your case looking for the evidence that will get you off scott free. Gray EJ will call a press conference announcing that he is setting up a foundation in order to find the real perpetrator of the crime. Finally, Evil Crazy EJ and his Samantha will discredit the entire Salem P.D. and the D.A.’s office by committing an imaginative and bloody crime spree that will take the heat off you.



So give me, Elvis DiMera, Evil Attorney at Law, a call at 555-ALLEGED or come see me in person at the corner of County Road E and Highway 65 right above my Used Vehicle Emporium. And remember my motto: Innocent until proven guilty.

Wednesday, February 27th, 2008

“See, I really was on this show with Shane!”



With her inappropriately timed badgering, Sami puts the fun in funeral.



“Hello, Philip. I hope you're well. I've missed our scheming.” Oh, so have I, EJ. So have I. And thank goodness you got that product out of your hair.



“I’m EJ DiMera.” Ah, that has a nice ring to it.



In the battle of wits between my two favorite couples on the show, it’s Ejami 2, Phloe 0.



“Lucas is so sad he can’t be here.” Because him and OMB were so tight, after all



That’s right, Victor. When opportunity knocks, you open the door.



“Eric said he tried to make it, but he really couldn’t leave Sam in the middle of a demon war.”



Thanks to Sony, Days and Y&R do the best outside sets on daytime. It’s almost as if they really are the outdoors.



“We're a family, at least until they turn on me for not meeting their expectations again.”



“Your grandfather did a good job of raising his family. It's very different from what my father did. I'd like to hope that I could do as well as Shawn.” I don’t blame you, EJ, but the sugary goodness here is so sickly sweet I could swim in it. Blech.



Ever the gentleman. Yes, Sami, you are a complete idiot.

Grade: Pretty much what you’d expect from a funeral episode. N/A.