Friday, July 4, 2008

The Halfway Decent Week of June 30th, 2008 in Review


Hey, it’s…Casual Overt Evil EJ?!! Nice to see you of course, but I must say it’s a tad jarring. Talk about instant oatmeal here. Even I’m getting whiplash.

Ah, clumsy exposition. Yes, Sami, EJ was lying to you and the annulment went through, although I think you’re still married in the eyes of the Church, not that the show would remember that. You can’t just send in a form for that.

“Samantha, all I want is for our son to grow up and have a normal, healthy childhood.” Um, Evil EJ, healthy you can achieve, but we passed normal a long time ago.
“No, I'm gonna do anything to keep my family together,” and “Well, what do you want me to say?! I'm not sorry for trying to keep my family together,” and “Oh, shut up. ‘We were never a family.’ You know what? I was a husband to you and a father to both of those twins in every possible way, bar none.” Exactly. Evil EJ is a great husband and father, and all he’s ever wanted is a family, so of course he did what he had to do to protect it.

“You- after everything-you blackmailed me into marrying you, and then you tricked me into thinking that we were still married?” Sami, you browbeat EJ into marrying you in order to end the feud. He asked you if you still wanted to do it like a zillion times.
“For all I know, that whole bit about immigration and Mr. Burke and everything was another one of your stupid schemes. Ugh!” And survey says…
“You know what? As a matter of fact, it was.” Oh yeah baby! This is totally awesome!
“My visa did expire... but given the circumstances of my birth, when the immigration department looked into it, they determined that I was eligible for a dual citizenship, so... I made Mr. Burke, I suppose you could call, a very generous offer, and he agreed to play along.” And since you had money to bribe Immigration Dude at a time when you were supposedly penniless, you do have money hidden away in offshore bank accounts. Ah, Evil EJ, how I *heart* you.
“And you went to all that trouble because you wanted us to be together?” Of course he did. He’d do anything for you.

“Samantha, you pretty much wrote the book on deception. And may I add that chapter fifteen was rather tedious.”

“I've been lucky enough to have Lucas teach me that the most important thing in a relationship is to be open and honest with the person that you love. How has he shown me this? By being an example of the exact opposite, a total hypocrite.”

“This is about the fact that no matter what you say, you are still the same evil, manipulative jerk you have always been.” I know! Isn’t it great?

It’s a Sci-Fi channel original movie!

“Samantha, if the tables had been turned, you would have done the exact same thing.” Yup, you two are complements. The bad boy and the bad girl.
“No. All right, fine. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry.” Evil EJ almost never apologizes. He’s serious!

“Don't do this.” Now where have I heard that before?

“Samantha, just a moment ago, you told me how much you changed. You told me how honest you were. And yet just two minutes later, you're standing in front of me, and you're lying to me. And you're lying to yourself.” Yes, exactly, Evil EJ.
“No. No, I'm not.” Yes, you are! For more than a year now! You love him! You know you do!

“Look, but you can't deny it, either, can you? Can you? No, see, I didn't think you could. I know. I know, Samantha, that there is a part of you that has feelings for me. I know it. I know it. Please, just for once, would you please just be honest with yourself just for a moment...and tell the truth?”
“Oh, God. You know I do.” Simply breathtaking. I could watch this forever with the almost kiss and EJ’s tone of voice. Am I glad that this part is what Hulu decided to immortalize.

Grade: Split decision. A for the last two minutes, B+ for the rest. This is March 30th and April 2nd 2007 all over again, not that I’m complaining as I loved those episodes. I’m just saying the show might want to remember when it’s already done something. You know, just for kicks for once.


Someone renewed his clothing morality waiver, didn’t he?

“Well, I don't think Bo and Hope would mind me being there.” Yeah, I’m sure they’re totally over that whole you trying to kill Bo and Shawn with Steve thing.
“You'd like that, wouldn't you?” Oh, Evil EJ, I love how you said this. So sinister.

I have to say, I did like both of these asides with the alcohol. Ah, Evil EJ, I can always count on you, can’t I? You’ve been overt for only two episodes, and already I was able to finish my “EJ is Funny 7” montage. Keep it up!

“Something good did happen. But, um, you're probably the last person I want to tell about it. But you’re the only one here, and TPTB don’t let me talk to myself anymore, so here we go.”

Stairs 1, Evil EJ 0. He really should hang onto the railing next time.

“Ah, Rolf, um, could we get some crumbled eggs, dijon, and toast points? Thank you.” Between that food order and the suit, Evil EJ could not be more of a DiMera. Have you not seen any of those Fourth of July commercials? You’re doing it wrong.

“Samantha has feelings for me. I’ve only known that for more than a year now, but hey, there’s nothing soaps do better than tread water, eh?”

Aw, Evil EJ looks just like his dad here!

Grade: C-. Evil EJ was totally hot, but it’s a sad commentary on the actual episode when the highlight is him accidentally tripping on the stairs. Even here James shows he’s the consummate professional as he just gets up and keeps on going without drawing focus away from the actual scene by saying anything.


I didn’t watch as I have to take a stand somewhere, and this is it. I’m sure Hero EJ and Robo EJ both performed admirably.


  1. Thanks for keeping us all up to date with the little summaries! No matter what's going on I'm still routing for EJ and Sami!

  2. LOL! Ejami....Ejami...It’s a Sci-Fi channel original movie!...Ejami

    Complete perfection! I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants!