With Apologies to The Kinks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMsnqQHOwFg

I met him in a strip club down on the pier
Where the sea water congeals there like a bunch of mucus
M-U-C-U-S mucus

I saw the lap dog sitting there on the couch
I asked him for his name and in a high pitched voice he said Lucas
L-U-C-A-S Lucas Lu-Lu-Lu-Lucas

Well, I've been around, but I ain't never seen
A guy who can’t hold a job and paints his face green
Oh my Lucas Lu-Lu-Lu-Lucas

Well, I’m not dumb, but I can’t understand
Why he always eats chicken and has a badge that says he’s a man
Oh my Lucas Lu-Lu-Lu-Lucas

Well you tell me you love me and say you’re my best friend
But you then turn my son against me again
You can’t fight fair in a normal tiff
So you decided to lure me off that cliff
They say that you reap what you sow
But what did I ever do to deserve death row?
Oh my Lu-Lu-Lucas Lucas Lu-Lu-Lu-Lucas
Lucas Lu-Lu-Lucas Lucas Lu-Lu-Lu-Lucas

I really can’t stand you
I tried to push you away
But the writers insisted getting their way
If you’re my soulmate,
Then someone help me

You like to control me and berate me
And you always have to get your way Lucas
Lu-Lu-Lu-Lucas

You treat me like I’m four years old
Because you’d prefer that I had no thoughts of my own Lucas
Lu-Lu-Lu-Lucas

You say that you’re judgmental no more
But you’ve left me at the altar before
And you swear in front of Heaven above
But you never fail to take back your love

I think it’s past time that we said goodbye
I’m gonna move on with this EJ guy
So long my Lucas
Lu-Lu-Lucas Lucas Lu-Lu-Lu-Lucas

Lucas Lu-Lu-Lucas Lucas Lu-Lu-Lu-Lucas