Wednesday, May 28th, 2008

“I'd like Sami and Lucas to have some time alone.” As if it’s any of your business, Marlena.
“Because it was the right thing to do, Marlena. The same reason that I told you why John was alive” and “No ulterior motives.” Oh, Evil EJ plays the game so well!
“I was wondering if you were happy that Lucas walked in on you and Sami in bed.” Of course he wasn’t. Dude, EJ wanted to cuddle and fall asleep together. He was enraged-that’s why he threw the pillow!



“The funny thing is Sami and Lucas have always somehow found their way back together.” It’s almost as if someone wrote it that way, isn’t it?
“Well, let me ask you this-would you ever consider giving up on John?”
“No, I wouldn't.”
“Okay. Then I'm not giving up on Samantha, either.” Exactly. My loathing aside, John and Marlena was an unexpected couple and not a planned pairing; that’s why he was initially Roman for a while and then John was with Isabella. Now in our case EJ was always supposed to be the Stefano to Lumi’s J&M, but the end result is the same. In both cases, the better man broke the original set in stone pairing.
“Marlena, I have no intention of, uh...interfering, if that's what you're talking about. I would like Samantha to choose me, but I would like her to do it of her own free will.” Yup. Now you’re going to manipulate everything else around her and influence her free will, but it will be Sami’s decision.



If you pause the show and read the screen, there’s actually an entire story about how E.J. Wells also known as E.J. Wells DiMera also known as Elvis J. DiMera was indicted for fraud. Thank you, Days. I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who cares that you bothered to write all that and remember that EJ was using a different last time at the time, but I appreciate the extra attention to detail.



“What did she do now?” and “Sleeping with EJ, not your best move, Sami.” This along with Marlena not believing EJ can make Sami happy just proves Roman and Marlena are the absolute worst parents ever. Did either of you two ever think that maybe Sami is so insecure because all you two do is treat her like an incompetent thirteen year old girl? It’s a self-fulfilling prophesy.



“I can’t believe we’re going to be living in EJ’s apartment now. Remember last May when I broke down the door with a power drill?”
“Yeah, that was good times, sweetness. Speaking of Squire, I think he left some of his stuff here. I found this box, and I thought there was a bunch of papers inside, but now that I look at it, I think it’s actually a bunch of cards-AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Grade: B-. I’m glad EJ didn’t back down with Marlena, and watching S&K live in EJ’s old apartment is unintentionally hilarious. He has to come visit them.

Tuesday, May 27th, 2008

“You're gonna be able to help him, won't you?” Says it all, really. EJ is the one Sami trusts to take care of everything. And warming up to Jawn, huh? Not the only DiMera you should be appreciating, Sami, especially when he looks so fine in his demonic suit.



Brady who?



That’s right, wait until the most opportune moment to make your dashing entrance. It’s a lot easier to eavesdrop on Lumi here than the apartments, eh?



“Here, my part's already signed. Have a nice life.” Completely ignoring silly real world issues like a legal annulment being different from a church annulment, this impacting EJ’s immigration visa, and so on and so forth, I’m glad how quickly and harshly EJ handled this. It’s what Sami thinks she wants, and even though she browbeat EJ into marrying her to end the feud, she still blames him for it. Annulling their marriage doesn’t remove an unfair advantage for EJ, it removes the eight ball Sami’s put him behind.



“I recognize you from your photograph in the paper.” Of course you do, EJ! You love your paper. And Eva is a lot like Chelvis. Not bad.



“Lucas. . . you do want us to start over, don't you? I want us to have a future together. And if you want that, too, you just have to find a way to forgive me and move on.”
“Lucas, everything was so great with the twins. When we were playing with them, wasn't it just perfect?”
“There is nothing standing in our way now. You are the love of my life, but you seem to have some trouble believing that. Give me a chance to prove it. Please? Let me prove it to you.”
Oh, look. It’s every single conversation Lumi’s ever had. Talk about an infinite loop.



Out of the myriad of talents EJ has, one of the ones I am simply amazed by is EJ’s ability to flashback to events that he wasn’t even physically present for. He had already left the room by the time Sami signed the annulment papers, yet he’s able to recall it with complete clarity.



“I'm not giving up. Not giving up.” Good boy. I know how much it hurts, EJ. I know.

Grade: EJ’s demonic suit A, EJ B+, Eva B, Phloe B+, rest F. Seriously, Sami is choosing the loser convicted felon confined to house arrest over the awesome lawyer making the big bucks with his double and quadruple billing?! What color is the sky in your world, Days?

New EJ Clip on Hulu

It's May 29th where EJ is drinking with Nicole at Chez Rouge. Ignore her, watch him.

Monday, May 26th, 2008

Now this is how you drink evilly. Philip, take note. And of course EJ doesn’t care about the commotion down at the docks. He has thinking to do.



“Enjoy the demonic suit while you can, Carpe. I’m barely in this episode.”



“You're the love of my life. There will never be another you. I thought you knew that.” Never mind those fourteen years I spent chasing after your sister.
“Thank God you missed.” So we’re retconning Wheelchair EJ then? That would be a good thing as that means the bullet is no longer stuck in EJ’s back. Permission granted.



Oh, what I would not do for Bricole right now.



“What about EJ's insane acts? Mr. Rapist-that's not insane?”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odcJ-vS22rI

Mr. Rapist
Bring me post traumatic stress disorder
Bum bum bum bum bum

But seriously, Days, don’t get cute. Leave it alone! It won’t heal otherwise.

“You are a very resourceful person. You could have found another way to take care of that. But you didn't, did you? I mean, you're attracted to him, right? So when he gave you the ultimatum, you just took it and you ran with it, because that's what you wanted the whole time.” Given the lovely nickname you just gave EJ, this means you are blaming Sami for being raped. Bravo, Lucas, I think you’ve achieved a new level of stupidity.
“I was just trying to hurt you.” As always. Makes you feel important, doesn’t it?



“Half a million worth of cocaine.” Talk about a smack in the face that Days’ morality laws have been repealed. Even General Hospital is clear to reiterate that neither Sonny nor Jason approve of drug trafficking.



“I warned you over and over. I told you how he works. He's a snake. He worms his way into your life... takes over your heart. The next thing you know, Sami, he got to you,” “The guy is a manipulative, destructive son of Stefano,” “It's probably another DiMera trick or something, Sami” and “He was doing it for you-to impress you, to soften you up so he could seduce you even more.” What do you know, Lucas and I are on the same page when it comes to EJ. Yes, that is exactly what Evil EJ is doing, and it is glorious.
“Lucas, he didn't seduce me...he didn't trick me...and he didn't manipulate me. I wanted him.” Yes, Sami, but EJ put you in the exact position where you would open yourself up him. He set you up.



Jawn the Pawn, complete with Kung Fu action grip!



“Drugs? In one of John's containers? Really? What are you talking about? No, I am not smiling widely-I was trying to hold a sneeze back.”



“Whoa, Elvis.” Another on the “Let’s call EJ Elvis” bandwagon. See who else you can convince, Nicole.
“Nicole, for the last time, I am not going home with you, all right?” You tell her, EJ, especially since home for her is the Kiriakis mansion with Victor and Chloe and Philip which would be rather awkward.



“He was so sweet and adorable and loving.” And what does it say that Evil EJ is a warmer man than you are, Lucas?
“I just want you to understand that EJ has changed.” You just keep thinking that, Sami.
“He was compassionate and patient and tolerant and understanding, and he was so good with the twins.” Evil EJ is a wonderful husband and father.
“I don't want to hear about your sweet, tender rock.” Sweet, tender rock? I guess EJ is pumice then, although obsidian or scoria also work.



“I do have feelings for EJ, but they will go away if you and I start over. Because no matter what...you, Lucas, you are the love of my life. You always have been. And I just am begging you to give me the chance to prove that to you, to prove to you that I mean what I say.” Too bad for Lucas that you’re a pathological liar, Sami, because you never mean what you say. But good for EJ and yourself.



“EJ isn't the only one who's changed.” Yes, Heroine Sami is finally dying.
“You're acting like a complete fool. You're falling for his scam.” Go Evil EJ’s diabolical plan!
“It's not a scam.” Yes, it is. And it’s lovely.
“It is a scam. He's playing you, just as he always has, but this time it's working, isn't it?” Yup. Gotta love those direction changes. Scheming to win the girl never would have been allowed to actually work before.
“No, I don't think we can get back together. I don't think we can start over.” Die, Lumi, die!

Grade: C. Barely any Demonic Suit EJ, and watching Lumi is painful. Seriously, it’s 2000 or 2002 or 2004 again. Sami’s “screwed up,” Lucas won’t forgive her, and Sami’s got to grovel to win him back until she inevitably does something he doesn’t like again, and the pattern repeats itself. Time for EJ to break the cycle.

Friday, May 23rd, 2008

Yeah, there’s nothing I like to do more than talk sex with my mom. And Sami, I like the top a lot but not the color. You’re not an autumn.



Bru Bru, you have got to hook me up. I’ll give you 20 bucks if you can get EJ to wear a black t-shirt with TEH EVILS written on it.



“Will Lucas be able to forgive me?” Oh, I certainly hope not.



“You could move out.” Yeah, why should Elvis DiMera live in the DiMera mansion? That’s just crazy talk. And I heard a rumor that there was a joke in here but beats me what it was. Insulting Lucas is only noteworthy if it’s funny. I heard nothing amusing here.



Ali knows who her daddy is!



“If it’s a ‘69, she was expecting me.”



Yes, EJ is always there for his Samantha. If only we could say the same about her being there for him.



Chelvis lives!



Oh, man. This is one of the best suits I’ve ever seen EJ in. I mean, damn. Black suit and red tie? Evil EJ sings the body demonic.



“Rolf, did you ever do something that you enjoyed at the time but regretted later?” Sami, he was Stefano’s evil mad doctor. Talk about a usual day at the office for him.



What a difference a few days makes. That looks painful.



So, Chelvis. Better than Ejcole, but that’s not exactly saying much, is it? Ah, I liked it anyway even if it was completely superfluous. In another universe, EJ and Chloe would be a good couple. He’d use her opera singing career for his criminal empire’s money laundering.

Grade: EJ’s suit A, rest B-. EJ was teh awesome as usual, but way too much of him standing around with Lumi in this episode for my taste. And I must thank Chelvis’ silly three second coffee appearance here as I would have never gotten Evil EJ’s demonic suit without it. I must see that again.

Ejami Lovemaking on Hulu

I've cut all the Lucas out of this, so the first two are of Ejami together and the last one is of EJ throwing the pillow.

Thursday, May 22nd, 2008

“You slept with the devil!” Lucas, have you not listened to Metallica? That totally works out fine.
“You lying, cheating whore!” Nice. What are you going to do next, hit her?



“Call me if you need me.” Aw, you sweetie.



Three people I hate, and one in the mode where she might as well be another character. Sorry, Sami, it’s time for fast forward.



I know the show has no sets, but come on! This makes about as much sense as Phloe hanging out in the Pub after hours, so of course that happened today too.



“What is wrong with you?” Where to start, EJ, where to start? And you should have met old Nicole. This one really isn’t one you should be complementing on her intelligence.



“And stop with the jokes.” Um, when did he start? Making fun of your drinking is hardly challenging.
“Lucas is the only person besides herself Sami’s ever loved.” Show, you know that’s not right, and it’s insulting to anyone who liked her with Dallas or Brandon.
“You don’t have any chance with Sami.” Well, considering how soaps work, he’s totally good to go then.



“I’m not willing to admit defeat just yet.” That’s right. Back on the horse already. Your sheer persistence is both remarkable and admirable.
“I’m head over heels for Samantha” and “Samantha will realize that I’m the man she loves” Yes, you need your Samantha, and eventually she’ll see that she needs you too.



“Here’s a crappy cell photo of your son. I hope that makes up for the whole inadvertently whacking your father thing.”

Grade: C-. Everything but Summer EJ including the Phloe bored me, and I did not want to see Summer EJ with Nicole today. I wanted to see Evil EJ making some jokes and practicing some new strangulation techniques. Sigh.